General Question

chelle21689's avatar

Why do some women think it’s a huge deal breaker if a guy doesn’t pay for the date?

Asked by chelle21689 (7501points) 1 month ago from iPhone

I recently saw someone ask what would they do if the man didn’t pay for their date. Many of the women said never go out with him again, block him, etc.

It made me wonder because my husband didn’t pay for us when we started dating before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. Out of curiosity I asked why didn’t he, and he said why should he have? Lol It wasn’t until after we started to become committed he paid for things. If I had dropped him after the first date, I would’ve missed out on so much. He is the light of my life, my best friend, my partner, my rock. I wanted to chime in so bad on the conversation lol funny enough the women commenting mostly were divorced or single women.

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17 Answers

janbb's avatar

Never was a big deal to me. They paid, we split it, or whatever.

anniereborn's avatar

I find it a nice gesture but, it would in no way be a deal breaker. Maybe some women are just old fashioned/traditionalists ?

zenvelo's avatar

This is actually a question on OKCupid, and most modern women are willing to split the check on a first date. But there are a minority of women that expect the man to pay, and to many of them it is a dealbreaker if they don’t.

I have always been willing to pay on a date, so it hasn’t ever been an issue for me. But I certainly avoid women who flat out expect and consider it a hard and fast rule.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

I remember several splits or “dutch” dates !

I bought dinner and they bought drinks !

chelle21689's avatar

@zenvelo Allthe while these same women preach about being independent lol

Pandora's avatar

I always insisted on dutch the first 1 or 2 dates but sometimes the guy would insist on it because they would say they asked me on a date.

But I believe it really depends on their experience. There was a guy that I dated once who asked me out on a date and insisted he would pay and then complained about the price of the meal and wouldn’t tip the waiter or let me tip the waiter. I never saw the cheapskate again. For that and because my meal consisted of a steady flow of information about his ex-wife. But it’s a good indicator of whether or not the person is a cheapskate.

But I did have a general belief that the person who asked the other person out on a date should be the one to pay the cost of the date. If I asked a female friend to go to a movie with me because I wanted the company and I knew they didn’t have money for the movie or wasn’t so interested in that type of movie, then I paid their way.

People who may have dated people who were cheapskates may end up rejecting guys who didn’t pay. You can be independent and yet have test to gauge whether someone may have issues with money.
There are some old fashion rules that sometimes pan out. My mom use to say if a guy won’t go to your home to meet your folks its because he doesn’t plan to stick around or is up to no good and if he sits in his car and honks his horn for you to come out than he sees you are not worthy of any real effort.

She wasn’t wrong. A lot of my sisters boyfriend would do exactly that. Some behaviors are indicators of the type of person you may be dating and whether they are worthy of a second date. Just like I knew guys who wouldn’t date a girl the second time around if they felt she wasn’t going to put out or if she wanted him to pay for everything she fancy on a first date because they felt it was a good indicator that she was looking for a sugar daddy.

JLeslie's avatar

I’m fine paying for myself, but if the man has a much better paying job and he asked the woman out, it’s nice if he picks up the check, ESPECIALLY if he chose an expensive restaurant. If he chose an expensive restaurant, ordered wine for you both to share and then wants to split the check in half or the wine price in half because you had some, in my opinion big red flag.
If I liked him I might go out again to see if that was just a one time bad judgement on his part, but sometimes that’s how women wind up in relations that aren’t good, getting emotionally entangled when there are red flags.

My preference on a first date is a place everyone can easily afford and splitting the check is probably a good thing. If the man insists on paying I’d still let him though.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

If you ask a woman out and can’t or won’t pay for it, then don’t ask her out in the first place. Just my own two cents. Once you’re engaged or married, that’s a different deal, you’re in this thing together for the long haul. My wife and I don’t have a my money your money outlook, it has always been OUR money. When she was working I always made sure she had money to eat on and buy gas, she does the same for me. Just my own two cents. Again.

RocketGuy's avatar

If they guy pays for everything, should he expect something in return (beyond the grace of her company)?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Only if she’s a prostitute @RocketGuy.
That’s a real sore spot for me….Men offering to help,even after I’ve said I don’t need help, then getting pissed if I don’t give them “something” in return.

RocketGuy's avatar

That’s dumb – expecting something back for small favors. I’m talking about going out and continually being the only one paying. Is she there for your company or for the benefits? I’m not made of money, so if the money runs out, will she bail? If so, I would be better off with the prostitute. At least I know what I am getting. And no obligations afterwards either.

I have usually been 50:50 (± a big percentage) on spending with the women I have gone out with. I didn’t keep a precise score card, just a rough idea. That way we could more easily maintain an equal relationship.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

It should be worked out before ordering food and drink.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

@RocketGuy Well if you’re only into this for sex, then you might be better off at a cat house. If there’s any real emotion on your part, scale down. Try going to a movie or MickyD’s. You don’t have to go to the to the “Top of the Mark” in San Francisco to have a decent date. If she’s into you it should be cool, if not then move on.

RocketGuy's avatar

@Nomore_lockout – that’s the thing. I am a $$ to $$$ kind of guy. I would be OK with mostly paying for $$ to $$$, but if she really needs me to pay for $$$$ – $$$$$ all the time, I’m gonna want some action afterwards.

Dutchess_III's avatar

So you only date prostitutes @RocketGuy?

Nomore_lockout's avatar

@RocketGuy Better go with the escort service.

RocketGuy's avatar

I usually go out with women who pay occasionally. Then the terms are equal. Some women like being on equal terms with the men they date.

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