Would you continue working with an ex-partner if you ran a business together?
Asked by
tan253 (
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November 25th, 2020
Hi Guys,
So to keep it short.
We were together 8 months, engaged for 4 months. I have a company that works in advertising and I invited my, now ex, to work a division as he wasn’t working, and I wanted to help him out, He left me before starting work on his own division but since has started an IG and FB page about the division, so he’s now effectively using my business name as I did invite him in when we were together. I was initially shocked but thought I’d support it as it might make money and I like the idea of that division within my company, – but now 2 weeks in I’ve realised I’m just a door mat, I feel like we were never even together and everything is so business orientated and he’s pretty much just running the division without any consulting to me. So .. question – am I being a door mat and I should ask him to run his own division within his own company or do I need to suck it up and just keep him on board? It’s my company – and Im fairly trigged by the break up, feeling rejected etc and not coping, he seems fine, but I’m being a door mat correct? Tell him to go use his own name for his own business? Thoughts?
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15 Answers
Cut him loose from your business. I don’t see anything that he is bringing to the table and it is just calling you grief. if you read over what you wrote, it is clear that there are no positives in keeping him in your life in any way.
THANK YOU – that’s what I’m thinking, I feel like I created it , which I did and now I’m scared to let him go as I dont want to come across as a flake… but…. yeah.
My question is, am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? He’s good at what he does, should I just suck it up and use him to run the division or am I
causing myself less healing time and more harm over time?
You’re causing yourself more grief. Let him go, you can find someone else capable to run that division if need be. It doesn’t sound like he respects you.
You could run into employment law issues potentially. I’m not a lawyer, but if he’s performing his job well and you have no reason to fire him other than your personal feelings about him, that might give him cause for wrongful termination or even possibly sexual harassment depending on where you are in the world. Like I said, I’m not an expert in this, but you may want to double check with a lawyer in your jurisdiction. There may need to be documentation to support his termination and protect you legally. I just wanted to throw that out there.
Best wishes to you. I hope it all works out.
There is no contract…. it’s only just started so I think ‘legally’ its ok…. I mean no contract should make it ok?
@tan253 I really don’t know the nuances of employment law, your ex’s personality, nor the details of your relationship, all of which might be relevant. I’m sure it’s fine, but I just wanted to mention it because things can get messy when a boss fires a subordinate they were romantically involved with.
Only you know if you feel ok with the situation or not, and it seems like you don’t, so I’d say you have to do what’s right for you.
Maybe it’s just too soon. After a break up it often takes many months if not a couple of years to be really indifferent and not be triggered by anything.
If it was just little pangs of missing him I’d say that’s a healing thing, but feeling like a doormat sounds more like he’s taking advantage of you, and that’s never good.
As far as employment rules, I think you’re in England right? Most of us here are Americans so nothing we say necessarily applies. In America very small businesses (under 15 employees) are exempt from almost everything, and most states are at will anyway, so you can let people go for any reason. Subcontractors especially an employer has little to worry about regarding letting them go, except under very specific circumstances.
What I see as being difficult moving forward is that you are mixing a business relationship with a personal relationship, which can be a very bad thing. Even if he is your ex and not a current boyfriend, it’s still sticky and messy and has potential for real problems.
Is his division successful? Does it generate revenue? Are you both beneficiaries of his expertise?
It seems to me to boil down to how comfortable you are in this situation. If you really are not comfortable I’d let him go soon. Then you can move on.
Hey I should point out that this all turned to custard. He used me for my data base and started his own school in direct competition with mine. Lesson learnt!
Indeed it was…. real crappy.
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