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amandalove's avatar

Do you see many red flags with him and this past issue?

Asked by amandalove (30points) December 4th, 2020 from iPhone

Hi everybody, so my boyfriend ( 48/M) and I (32/F) had already talked about this and we kind of sorted things out, he apologized says he loves me and it was “ never with the intention of anything“ he said he felt comfortable speaking with me about it and so on, so I decided to give him a chance and start from there but recently I found out some things I didn’t know of which I don’t know what to think of, I have gotten many advice from other forum, to just DUMP HIM and move ON!! (I don’t know if you guys would advice the same, or give me a different point of view).

Below these lines I will give a brief explanation of my general situation, please read!! The paragraph that begins with a small ASTERISK (*) IN  THE FRONT is where I tell what I discovered recently.

Around August 2016 my now boyfriend as an engineer that he is, started working on a luxurious residential building on the beach where he met this girl that caught his eye big time, he has talked to me about this girl a couple of times now ( last time was February 2020).So when he spoke about her to me, he always said how beautiful, model looking this girl is, that she had all these rich men sending her flowers etc, and that all the men that lived in that building were after her. He even said she had a coke bottle body , (she is a slim girl with a normal body but does not have an amazing figure as he claims she has).

Why in the world would he even exaggerate this woman’s attributes when I have seen some of her pictures and I know he is in fact exaggerating them, this woman is attractive, pretty, works in a nice place, maybe this make him see her even more interesting but nothing as he describes her to me.

They began to fully talk more around Jan-Feb 2017 , they never ended up having a real relationship ( I wouldn’t even say DATING for this matter) but I feel that he IDEALIZED their ”THING” way to much and was deeply falling for her, to the point where he even called her BABE (as I saw in some conversations of the things I came across, More details  shown below and I repeat they didn’t even have a relationship/dating, ( she had gone through a break up with her past boyfriend  and then while talking to my boyfriend she found out that he cheated on her ( I couldn’t resist on seeing their conversations, especially this being a situation that had been eating my head all along, I will repeat this word but he seemed very obsessed/infatuated with this woman.

* So most recently I discovered he has an album of her and this other girl he dated after her on his mobile gallery ( hes still has these 2 album on his mobile gallery) So recently I was working on an external hard drive he gave me to save and organize like around 10,000 pictures from his work( I help him out with his job due to high volume of work and he pays me) and I believe he had forgotten or thought he did not have those backup there I have no clue (YES MY BOYFRIEND IS VERY DISPERSE LET ME TELL YOU, FOR MOST OF THE TIME, HE HAS NO IDEA WERE HE KEEPS THINGS, HE LOSES THINGS EASILY, YEAH YOU GET THE PICTURE RIGHT!) but I saw this girls name on a folder with literally 4 more folders inside ( with pictures of her, some pictures of the times they went out together, like 4 pictures of her in sexy lingerie ,( nothing too revealing), and screenshots of their conversations history on Facebook messenger.

If you see the conversations you will see that he was literally throwing himself at her) this woman told him on various occasions, that she was heartbroken by her breakup plus finding out she was cheated on, so she did not want to date, neither play with him or hurt him, she was grieving and not ready, she wanted her space, nevertheless my boyfriend at that time kept on insisting that he was a great man, that he would respect her and love her deeply, that he loved her

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10 Answers

chyna's avatar

Maybe you are on a lot of forums and can’t remember which ones you are on, but you have asked this question on here several times.
Obviously, no one can tell you what to do, so just do what you feel is right for you and carry on with your life.

janbb's avatar

^^ Yup, we’ve read and responded to this exact story from you before.

lastexit's avatar

I believe this is the third time you’ve posted your question on this forum. Obviously you are expecting an answer to this that nobody has given you yet. You either have to let it go now or dump him. Personally, If I were this obsessed with his questionable behavior I would dump him and move on.

jca2's avatar

Good answers to the three above me and nothing more to add.

It must be tiring to be still obsessing on the same issue for this long.

LadyMarissa's avatar

One thing that I can tell you is that IF you keep asking the same question, we will simply keep giving you the same answer!!! I do believe that I was one of the ones that suggested that you leave him. I did notice this time that he’s telling you that he loves you & he has been telling the other girl that he loves her. It’s like he’s dangling the carrot in front of the horse to see which one will bite first. You need to do what you feel is best for you. Personally, I’d dump his ass because I see heartache in your future. YOU are the ONLY one who knows how much heartache that you can bear!!!

SEKA's avatar

I’ll repeat what I said last time, dump this bum. If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t still be holding on to his past bimbos

Smashley's avatar

Perhaps it’s been said, but I would point to the fact that he didn’t think to hide these photos particularly well speaks to his state of mind. Sounds like he doesn’t really think they’re a big deal. Whether they are or not is a different question though.

SEKA's avatar

Him not admitting to it being a big deal does not negate the fact that it is still a big deal

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
amandalove's avatar

@SEKA UPDATE: I had my last straw, yesterday my boyfriend talked about this woman again, I was looking at titktok videos and this guy was talking about dating advice. And I guess this triggered him for some reason.
He was saying how he found out that this girl was not worth it, that she was shady and at that time emotionally unbalanced due to her boyfriend cheating on her and the fact that the girl he cheated on her with was not prettier than her blah blah.

So I kept my cool and told him that this poor girl was going through heartbreak and he tried approaching her in the wrong time, that if maybe she was not going through so much, she would have been his girlfriend and perhaps married him, and that we would have to be in her shoes to judge her.

Then he got all moody, I could tell something bothered him and he started getting mad at me for minor things, we were walking the dogs and I told him about something and he just said you know what, just go back home I don’t want you walking with me. He said that I was ridiculous and that acted like a 13 year old( he was building something in the backyard, he kept asking me we did good huh, like 5 times, I told him that yeah!, to please stop asking, its like if he wanted me to flatter his ego, this is why he got mad.

Did talking about this girl make him bitter or what. I’ve had it.

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