General Question

kaylakena's avatar

Hes never there!

Asked by kaylakena (12points) September 9th, 2008

OK so i have this bf and hes great and everything but hes never there when i need him and it sucks big time…Last week a lost a friend and the night it happend he wasnt there and never came to see me that whole week, and when i finally did get to see him i had to go over there… This weekend he wanted me to stay the night and i said ok but then my mom got pissed at me and now i might be getting kicked out of my house and i called him the last to days asking him to come over later cuz i needed him and he said he didnt kno.. Im always there for him and when i do need him its like i have to go to him.. What should i do i want him to know that im not goin to deal with it but i dont want to be a bitch about it and also i dont want to fight… HELP ME

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12 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

That was really hard to read. From what I could parse you should listen to your mom.

I have been eating pills so that might be why it was hard to read

bodyhead's avatar

I second johnpowell. Listen to your mom. Don’t get kicked out for a boy who doesn’t seem to care too much anyway.

jjd2006's avatar

And yesterday you were asking if it’s too soon to consider marriage with this boy…
In my humble opinion, you should probably marry someone who wants to make an effort to be there for you.
Call me crazy…

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t know how old you are, but I’d guess you’re in your late teens if you’re still living with your Mother. At this age, love seems like the most incredible, intense thing ever. You may desperately want to be with someone.

So the hardest thing to do is to step back, and try to look at your beloved with objective eyes. As if you weren’t yourself, but you were a friend, who was advising you. If your bf were treating a good friend of yours the way he treats you, what would you say to them?

While it may seem romantic, and like forever, it is very unlikely that this is your last relationship. You may have two, or several, or a lot of serious relationships. I’ve had four relationships that lasted a year or more (and I thought I was in love), and numerous other shorter ones.

So, is he treating you right? What does how he treats you say about what he will do in the future? Your Mom loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurt. Parents can get pretty dramatic in situations like that. They think that if you’re going to refuse to see what’s right before your nose, then just get out. There’s nothing they can say to make you see sense.

He’s taking advantage of you. You know it. Your Mom knows it. You don’t want to admit your Mom might be right.

Honey, don’t stand on principle on this. Don’t prove how independent you can be on this. He isn’t worth it.

syz's avatar

I see a trend in your questions…please, please use some punctuation.

bodyhead's avatar

Agreed. It’s important to listen to your mom but it’s EXTREMELY important to listen you to your English and grammar teacher.

Poser's avatar

You start out telling us “hes great and everything,” and then proceed to tell us how “hes never there.” One of the most important aspects of being a great partner in any relationship, especially intimate ones that may lead to a lifelong commitment, is one’s ability and willingness to “be there.” You’re looking for a partner—partner implies effort on both his and your parts. Any relationship that is mostly (or entirely) one-sided is destined to be short lived.

I’d recommend getting out of this sinking ship immediately. While you probably can’t imagine not loving him now, eventually, you will grow to resent him. Yet, if you can’t be honest enough with yourself now to admit that he’s not as great as you’d like to believe he is, you won’t be honest enough with yourself later to admit that his constant refusal to live up to your (probably unrealistic) expectations has made you grow to loathe him. You’ll probably try to ignore those feelings, but will be unable (or unwilling) to do so. Since you’ll also be unwilling to face the issue head-on, you’ll probably turn to some sort of passive-aggressive behavior in an attempt to drive him away. Eventually, he’ll tire of your neediness and your nagging and turn to the arms of another woman, at which point you’ll be able to blame the end of the relationship entirely upon him, and, if he was unlucky enough to marry you, you’ll be able to walk away with half of his money and belongings (more, of course, if he happened to have also impregnated you).

That is, if history is any sort of guide.

This could all be easily avoided, of course, by you making the conscious decision—today—to grow up and take responsibility for your own life and emotions instead of making the false assumption that your boyfriend (or anyone else in the world) must some how bail you out of difficult emotional times. Let me hit you with some deep philosophical truth—life, many times, is a bitch. People die, people move away, people are often shit. If you don’t learn to deal with life’s bitchiness yourself, you are going to have a really, really, really difficult time until you realize that everyone will eventually let you down.

I’m sorry if this sounds really pessimistic, but I don’t intend it that way. Instead, think of it like a promise: the day you learn to deal with your troubles on your own is the day you can truly have an intimate connection with someone you love. That will be the day you can be with someone because you truly love them, not because you need them. The former is much more fulfilling than the latter. Trust the voice of experience.

trudacia's avatar

Sorry, he’s just not that into you….

poofandmook's avatar

I’m sort of horrified that yesterday you were talking about a baby with this guy, and now you’re posting this. I think this is a great time to start thinking about this again.

JackAdams's avatar

Assassination is always an option.

loser's avatar

(No Jack, it is not.)

Do you have any girlfriends who can be supportive for you? Guys often aren’t as good about that stuff.

allengreen's avatar

Honey, would you be better off being single? Gain some life experience and then hook up after you get a bit older and more experienced? Are you from Hawaii?

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