General Question

Jake_the_pup's avatar

I need help with my life now?

Asked by Jake_the_pup (38points) February 3rd, 2021

I have been betrayed by my friends in the university as they convinced (manipulated and brainwashed) me to abandon my dreams instead of following them. I used to be a class topper in the first year and now, it has all gone down and I’m about to fail in my final year. Please, someone, advise me on what I should do to change everything?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

janbb's avatar

If you’re blaming your friends for mistakes you’ve made, you do need help with your life. Take responsibility for yourself, maybe ditch those friends, decide what you want to do and then get help from teachers or advisers at your university at how to repair it. It sounds like you might have to spend extra time there to retrieve your grades.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Pazza's avatar

I spent 40 years of my life always worried about what my family thought of me, then I lost my borther, mums mum died, got divorced, went off the rails, slight, errrrrrr, habit, nearlly jeopodised the relationship with my ex and my kids, took me 5 years to re-right the ship an get it on an even keel, but to do that, I had to burn a lot of bridges, which included my parents and my other brother.

Ultimately, I had to do all this myself, along the way, I was lucky, but made better choices of who to have around me. no one can do this for you, but if you ask, people will help. gorra ask tho, and gorra ask the right people. Stay away from wreak heads and toxic people, no matter how tempting it is to go off the rails again….....

Pazza's avatar

Oh, and check out Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life….. And all his youtube videos.

Jake_the_pup's avatar

Thank you very much man, thank you for the support @Pazza , you too as well @janbb , i will never give up in life and this will be something that i will never forget.

Pazza's avatar

A little self indulgent, but here’s a poem. I write them when I’m trying to work shit out in my head. What I learned to do, which on the face of it seems simple, but trust me it aint, and that trick, was to stop lying to myself, the one person you cannot hide from is yourself, so lying to yourself is a quick fix, but ultimaltely only holds you back and prevents growth. Anyway, this poem related to my split, and my family, the last verse being the opperative one, which I feel you may relate to?....... I wanted nothing more than to go back in time and put things back the way they were…....but like I said, cant turn back the clock, and ultimately if I could, would be extremely selfish, as this means I want to change other people. So, learn, make better choices, and find a purpose, mine is stilll my ex an my kids…... its just different now ;o)

Mycelial thoughts
Exploding cranialy like lightning forks
Its fractal analytical madness
That causes daily fractures

It makes one worry
It holds one back
It distanced the fallen alpha
And made blood turn its back

They’re feelings trapped on a coaster
That rides a heart rhythm track
If I could swap this life
A cosmic search Id suffer to hand ot back

The lessor of two evils
The life I yearn for back
For a man thats lost his purpose
Is a train thats left its track
Oh, and honeslty, the old saying, whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger really holds true. Once you come through this, no matter how hard or painful a transition it is, next time shit comes your way, you’ll find it easier to deal with.

Peace out brother.

LadyMarissa's avatar

For starters, dump the friends!!! Next, take a good, hard, honest look at yourself. Your friends ONLY tempted you to make the choices that YOU made, so you really can’t blame them…ONLY yourself. Now that you aren’t being influenced by the former friends, work HARD at getting your life back under control the way you need it to be!!! IF you’re lucky, you might get everything back together & still be able to graduate. IF not, check out the options you have to redo this year next year. Yes, it will cost extra to do it that way, but doing it while most of the info is stil fresh in your brain is usually safer than taking a break to face later. We’ve ALL made poor decisions in our lives. Now YOU just need to determine the BEST way to fix your mistake. You might start by NOT expecting your parents to foot the bill for the extra year (assuming that’s what happens). It will be harder on you, but get a job & pay your own way through the recovery period. After all, your parents offered you a good education & YOU made poor choices. So, fixing your problems yourself will help you to be more grounded!!!

Oh yes, LEARN from this experience & be MORE careful as to how you choose your friends.NONE of the former friends will be there to help you when you need help, so relearn how to depend on yourself!!!

KNOWITALL's avatar

Ultimately everything is your choice, no one else’s.

Just re-dedicate yourself to your goals and dont allow anyone to derail you.

Zaku's avatar

In early February, there is plenty of time to turn around an academic year’s performance, if you can reorganize yourself. Sounds like you knew how to do well when you started, so you could do that again.

SergeantQueen's avatar

Change your major if it isn’t what you want. Almost everyone changes it. It is a super common thing to do. I changed mine.

Fuck your friends, it’s your life.

Jeruba's avatar

If there are drugs (mycelial or other) in this picture, start there. Nothing else is going to work right until they’re off your back and out of your brain.

You have done well to recognize what’s happening before everything was lost. You should talk to an academic advisor or counselor at your school and see how they can help. You won’ be the first person to have faced a crisis like this.

Pandora's avatar

First, let’s start with a hard truth. We believe what we want to believe or what we already believe. You can’t be manipulated if you really believed in your dream. There can be hundreds of reasons you got off track but they will ultimately all lead back to you. The problem with most people today is they won’t accept their role in their own betrayal. You decided to listen to them. You decided not to work hard in your pursuit of an education. You decided to not follow your dream. (Now did you not follow your dream because its hard to break into the field or was it because it would require too much work and study or cash?)
When I take someones advice against my own better judgement, I blame myself. And when you select to make poor friends (not financially poor), again, that was your choice. You need to get a backbone and do what needs to be done. We all instinctively know. You know you have to move on from your friends and make better supportive friends (actual friends) or no friends for now. You need to buckle down in your studies, and you need to take a real look at what your abilities will or will not allow you to be.
If your dream is to be a singer but you can’t carry a note then give that up. But if you can write songs, then you may have to adjust your dream. If you want to travel the world and work for the travel channel. Get in line. You may starve before then so have a backup job planned. Like accounting. If your dream was to be a surgeon, then that is probably doable, but you will have to work hard and you will probably be broke for a while, unless mommy and daddy are pretty rich.
Good luck. Step one. Accept everything is your fault. Without this step you cannot hope to change anything. Step two, get rid of dead weight. Step 3, trust you know yourself better than anyone else. Step 4 ** work on improving your life. Your LIFE. And step 5. Never wallow about your past. It’s gone. Tomorrow is always a chance to change the course of your life.
** Only get rid of friends who are lying to you because they have miserable lives and they want your life to equal their misery. You can always tell which ones those are. They always whine about their life and are extremely negative. Don’t mistake the truth tellers for them. Keep the honest friends. But keep in mind that sometimes honest friends don’t exactly know what you need or what you are capable of. So keep their good advice and ignore the ones you know not to work for you.

give_seek's avatar

Work with each of your instructors to find out if they will grant you an “Incomplete.” This is not a grade but a status that allows you extra time to make up work. Most instructors are understanding. If you tell them you’re experiencing a personal crisis, but want to work really hard to complete the course, instructors will often work with you to achieve your goals.

Talk with an academic advisor about your situation. Make use of student services such as Tutoring and The Learning Center for help on your assignments.

Most of all, those people you mentioned are not your friends. Get rid of them immediately. Then speak to a counselor regarding why you allowed yourself to be duped to this degree.

Good luck!

dabbler's avatar

Drop out now.
Don’t wait until you have crashed so hard they throw you out – it will be harder to get back in later if you chose to. I do like @give_seek‘s advice to work with academic advisors.
Later, when you have had a chance to get your bearings in life and clarity in your vision, go back to university if that still suits your dreams.

I did that forty years ago and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I had been at university for over four years, not close to completing degree requirements, and failing core classes in my major. After a few years out, I observed that I had paid a lot of attention to some classes and had done very well in them. When I did go back to school I knew what I wanted to learn and it was so different… graduated in another year-and-a-half with a very useful degree.

Inspired_2write's avatar

” I used to be a class topper in the first year and now, ...”
One way to lower the class average is to get rid of the person with the highest marks.
Wonder if that is what really happened.
But in all fairness one makes the final decision to leave, and you did.
On thinking on it later, transferring to another University would had been easier perhaps?
Presently with this spare time off now, you can think about whether to continue as before or change your direction.

In the process you learned that not all are as they seem to support you, a valuable lesson.
Your confidence does not depend on what others think.

janbb's avatar

@Inspired_2write He hasn’t said he’s left.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Oh I didn’t know that, thanks .
Then he still can make changes to his benefit, good!

capet's avatar

I assume you’ve been on what you would consider “the wrong track” for about 2–3 years. If you are in good health living in a rich country, that’s like nothing as a percentage of your lifespan. So I would say just forgive yourself, and then keep moving like everybody else says.

In my humble opinion, the other thing I think you should do is to re-consider your goals and make sure that you aren’t just following what you wanted to do in year 1. Obviously you don’t want to do what you started doing with your new bad friends, but maybe you want to do something totally different now?

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Response moderated (Unhelpful)
idktimmyturner's avatar

I honestly am dealing with such. I feel that you should still continue and or try to start back up with your dream. I’ve been put down about it and changed it several times because of friends. I now have one loyal friend we are the same age and were complete besties! I’ve had many things to deal with betrayal being the hugest one. And what you should do is show them that you don’t need them. You can persue your dream however you want and when you want. It’s just if you chose to do so the right way or the wrong way. Preferably saying, Be a LEADER, not a FOLLOWER.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther