Social Question

ButterflyBoi's avatar

How do I stop talking to a friend I've known for years?

Asked by ButterflyBoi (39points) 1 month ago

I’ve had this friend for about three years now. When we first met, we liked exactly the same things, so we hit it off immediately. I’ve gone over to her house for a few days several times, she’s come over to mine. I’ve told her all my problems and fears, and she did the same. We did everything together, and we promised we’d always be there for each other. Now, she’s changed into a completely different person than the person I became friends with. All she does is ramble on about this one thing she’s obsessed with, and she’s just become very fake. She also always tries to start arguments with me on stuff she knows I don’t agree with, like she’s trying to change my mind and thinks that no other viewpoint is good. Honestly, I don’t really want to talk to her anymore, but she says she still loves me, so I feel like I can’t leave her. She’s just become so annoying, and we have no common interests whatsoever.

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10 Answers

Jeruba's avatar

If you want a gradual out, I’d suggest just becoming a little less available. Take up a new interest, or volunteer for something, and be “busy” more of the time.

Many friendships do change over time, and they can end by fading naturally, without involving a cataclysmic breakup.

That also allows you the option to revive your relationship if you feel like it later on.

cookieman's avatar

Completely agree with @Jeruba.

LostInParadise's avatar

When she does something that you find annoying, tell her. “I really find it annoying when you…” The term given for just cutting out someone is “ghosting”, and the other person can find it rather unpleasant. If you explain what you don’t like then she has the option of changing, and at the very least will see why you don’t want to spend more time with her.

jca2's avatar

Is the topic that she keeps bringing up that you argue about politics? Or is it a topic you can say “let’s not discuss that topic?” Then when and if you do see her, that will be off the table. You can still minimize seeing her, but as @Jeruba, if you want to keep that door open, at least you won’t be arguing.

zenvelo's avatar

You can wean her easily enough, to where interactions cease.

First of all, never initiate conversation or interaction.

When she texts or emails you, reply with a minimum. A “kk” response is enough; if she demands more, just respond, “in the middle of something right now, talk later”.

If you see a post of hers on social media, don’t respond in any manner; don’t <3 it and don’t comment. Ignore it.

If she shows up at your house, don’t let her in. Talk to her nicely in the doorway, but tell her you are involved in something that requires your attention and “maybe another time?” Then never invite her.

If she wants to know why you are being distant or unresponsive, you can tell her that she seems to not appreciate your opinions or your preferences, so you thought it best to not upset her.

janbb's avatar

“Three years” is a little different from “for years” and you sound like you might be a teenager. At that age, you’re growing and changing a lot and it’s not unusual for a friendship that seems ideal to fade over time. It is nicer and more of a learning experience to communicate with the ex-friend what has changed for you rather than just ghosting them. You’re bound to have many break ups in your future and this could be more practice. If you can’t do that – and it isn’t easy to do – maybe you just do have to gradually make yourself less available.

ButterflyBoi's avatar

@jca2 yeah politics is one of the many things she argues with me about. I try to tell her I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to start an argument or have either of us say something we won’t regret, but then she just says that I’m backing down because I don’t have an argument. She’ll then bring it up at a later time and go through the whole process again. I’ve also asked her to not bring up politics or anything else like that, but she still does anyway.

jca2's avatar

It sounds like she’s very aggressive about her political beliefs. That’s a real turnoff for me. I’d tell her political discussions are off the table and just see if she can hang out and keep to that rule. I’d give her one chance. If she still brings up political stuff, I’d be done with her. If that happens, I’d tell her so she knows. I’d say I can’t hang out with you because I don’t want to argue, and I’ve asked you not to discuss politics and you still do, so really, I can’t see you any more.

ButterflyBoi's avatar

@jca2 hhh I wish I could do that but I always feel bad-

Jeruba's avatar

She doesn’t respect your feelings. Do you really need this?

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