General Question

JackAdams's avatar

Are you (if male) a "next-to-her," or an "across-from her?" If you are female, which kind is your man?

Asked by JackAdams (6515points) September 11th, 2008

I am speaking about the seating arrangements in a restaurant booth, when dining, if there are only two people.

Sometimes, the man sits directly across from the lady, and sometimes, he sits next to her on the same side, with himself on the outside. So, which kind, and why?

I am an across-from-her guy, because I don’t wish for the lady to be put in a position where she feels “trapped,” and that she needs to ask my permission to leave the booth, for whatever reason. Also, I wish for the lady to have plenty of freedom of movement, while dining.

So, what kind of “seater” are you, and why? Tell us the details of such a dining experience, and why you sit in the way that you do.

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40 Answers

augustlan's avatar

My husband and I are “across” types. Many reasons, including being able to look at each other while we talk. When I see a couple sitting next to each other in a booth, I always imagine they are in the throes of a new, intense love.

JackAdams's avatar

Either that, or he is publicly exhibiting his dominance and control over her, while proclaiming to the entire population of the planet that, “I am afraid she will escape!”

I must respectfully admit that I think such dudes are control freaks, and that if I was a female and dating a guy like that, I’d make sure that we didn’t have another date, after that one.

EmpressPixie's avatar

When we manage to get a four person booth, but it’s just us, we’re next-to-each-other types. And we always feel like we’re getting away with something! Usually, though, we’re across-from-each-other, especially if we aren’t alone. Our antics are bad enough without sitting side by side…

we’ve been dating for less than a year, we’re allowed to be all over each other still

EmpressPixie's avatar

@augustlan: you’re not wrong.

JackAdams's avatar

To my way of thinking, when a couple sits on the same side (with the man on the “exit side,” that he is subconsciously displaying his “ownership” of the female, and sending a message of some kind that, “She belongs to ME, and you better not come near her, because I BITE!”

I just don’t believe that a man should “own” a woman.

sarapnsc's avatar

Across…no matter who it is…I like looking at the person with whom I am having a conversation with. Plus, I want to eat my meal with elbow room. There is another place and time to hold my hand or cuddle with me, than at the dinner/lunch/breakfast table.
I am there for one purpose… to eat.

JackAdams's avatar

One vote in my column! Thanks for responding, Woody!

RandomMrdan's avatar

I agree with Sarapnsc, I will always sit across from my date/girlfriend. I think it would be weird if I were to sit right next to her, especially if no one was with us.

RandomMrdan's avatar

With that said though, I will say that….if I had a friend with us and we’re out to lunch, my friend would probably sit across from us, and she would be next to me.

jlm11f's avatar

I prefer “across-from” men. Like you said, I like the personal space, and frankly it’s kind of annoying to have to “turn your neck” the whole time to talk. Face to face is a lot easier (while eating too!) to manage and keep a conversation going. Unless of course…you aren’t in the restaurant to “talk and eat”...and if that’s the case, may I suggest getting a room ;)

windex's avatar

next, you can touch

gsiener's avatar

across, unless we’re both watching the game or something…

JackAdams's avatar

If my woman and I are with another couple, we sometimes sit next to each other, but on occasion, we have sat across from each other, sitting next to the other person’s mate/date, with the gentleman on the outside.

But normally, I prefer to have the four of seated at a table with four chairs, rather than in a booth, unless the booth is very large, as is the case at OUTBACK Restaurants

tedibear's avatar

I want him across from me. My footsie skills are better, and slightly more subtle, in that direction.

JackAdams's avatar


And while you are “playing footsie,” are you plotting & planning?

If not, why not? (WEG)

tedibear's avatar

Of course I’m plotting and planning! I’m a girl. It’s what we do best. :)

JackAdams's avatar

Agreed! Guys, write that down, and commit it to memory.

tedibear's avatar

Yeah, like you can remember anything once we bust out the feminine wiles!

By the way, what does WEG means?

JackAdams's avatar

WEG = “Wicked Evil Grin”

(I thought you females knew everything!)

tedibear's avatar

We know everything important. Like that look we give you from across the table where it looks like we think you’re the greatest thing since the appetizers hit the table. Yeah, we’re pretty good at that look.

Oh carp! Did I just give away a secret?

JackAdams's avatar

[Removed by me, because it no longer applies.]

tedibear's avatar

No, I actually meant to say carp instead of crap. (It’s an askville thing, but I am not trying to drag askville into this discussion!!!)

JackAdams's avatar

Thanks for the explanation.

Excuse me, but I need to leave, to take a carp…

Sloane2024's avatar

My boyfriend is a “next to” kinda guy. We’re in a long distance relationship that rarely permits us to see each other, so, when the opportunity arises, we never take our hands off each other… and this is the way I like it. @JackAdams, I completely agree with the fact that the guy should never control the girl or even try to, but mine isn’t like that at all. He’s probably the least controlling male alive, lol. But he really likes to be near me ALL the time, and if he wants to put his hand on my leg while we wait for our food, then, IMO, he’s more than welcome to. :) As far as “comfort” is concerned, I like the “across” situations, but considering how our dates only come around once every month-month and a half, I’m willing to sacrifice that to be a little closer to him for a little longer; however, if we’re in a very elegant restaurant, we sit “across” for the mere fact that it exudes and proper and mannerly vibe to coincide with the theme of the restaurant.

wow, responding to the question has really made me miss him :’(

allengreen's avatar

I am an across-from-her guy

JackAdams's avatar

@Sloane2024: I hope the day arrives when the 2 of you will be together, all of the time, IF that is what the 2 of you both wish.

Happiness always…

Nimis's avatar

We’re both? Depends on our mood(s).
(Or rather, we’re all three. Sometimes, it’s next-to with guy inside.)

JackAdams's avatar

No way.

No man would EVER sit, where he could not “escape.”

tedibear's avatar

No man with issues would ever sit where he couldn’t escape. Real men however, are quite comfortable with the inside of the booth.

JackAdams's avatar


The man hasn’t been born, yet, who would ever sit on the inside of a booth.

But, feel free to publicly name one (and provide his contact information) so all of us can verify it.

Nimis's avatar

JackA: Dude, you forget to take into account that the inside seat may provide a better view of the television.

Sloane2024's avatar

@ Jack Adams: Awww!! Thank you very very much. It should only be 2 more years before seeing each other on a regular basis will become a common occurrence, but thank you for the hopeful comments! :) He also usually asks me which end of the booth I would prefer to sit on- inside or out. :)

charliecompany34's avatar

across from her so i can look into her eyes. “next to her” is for bed.

Nimis's avatar

Charlie: Don’t you want to look into her eyes in bed too? Next to her? Damn! That is one hell of a Peyronie you’re sporting.

saranwrapper's avatar

I really dislike the sitting next to me, it makes me have to put my purse on the floor.

JackAdams's avatar

@Nimis: You had written, “Dude, you forget to take into account that the inside seat may provide a better view of the television.”

You are absolutely right!

I should be ashamed for not thinking of that!

I stand corrected and humbled, before your superior wisdom!

Long live the holders of the remote!

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

I start off across from my date and then after food I move to sit next to them. And we eat dessert together, all snuggled, hehe.

Nimis's avatar

ANeedle: You are disgustingly cute. Thank you. Sorry.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@nimis, I hope you thought about that thank you first. ;)

JackAdams's avatar

And the FINAL SCORE is:

Across-Froms: 12

Next-Tos: 4

The above totals include those who said, essentially, “sometimes one way, sometimes the other.”

Thanks for answering my Q, everyone!

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