Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Why does she talk like this?

Asked by Dutchess_III (43703points) 1 month ago

My sister is convinced she was abused when we were growing up. From my POV I had the best dad anyone could ask for. A little distant maybe.
Mom was volatile and started drinking heavily when I was a teenager.
But overall, from my POV we were well taken care of, spoiled even.
My sister has spent thousands on therapy.
She talks funny. She talks in a very formal, stilted manner.
She’ll talk about “Our mother” instead of just calling her “Mom.”
When she talks about our sister she calls her “Alexis….” that’s her name but we called her Lex or Lexy.
Dad, on the other hand, she calls “Daddy.” Weird.
I have more examples but hopefully that explains what I mean.

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12 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

It is a method to keep a certain emotional distance from certain family members. It very likely takes a great deal of self control to speak to or about some of them. Do rethink your characterization of her speech and her perspective, she doesn’t “talk funny”, she is trying to maintain composure.
The experiences that different people can have in the same house can vary enormously.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I know. That’s why I specified from my POV.

JLeslie's avatar

I have a similar experience with my sister. She feels we were in an abusive household, and that she especially caught the brunt of it and has said that every household they (parents) pick one, meaning she was targeted for abuse. She also uses a more formal dialect when referring to our parents.

Here’s the thing, we both remember very similarly the events in the household, she was just affected differently. We didn’t have any sexual or physical abuse in the house, she would say the same.

She’s a different person than me, and she had some bad things happen outside of our household that I think had a big effect on how she reacts.

I think some of the therapy did her some harm, but I also know some therapists did her some good. There are good and bad therapists.

She has much higher expectations of people than I do, and so she experiences more anger, hurt, and anxiety. That’s my perception and my layman’s psychoanalysis. She thinks because I have lower expectations I let myself get run over.

I know a lot of people similar to her, and they all seem to have some things in common. Many of them have a very limited memory of childhood. They can’t remember any happy memories or very few. They get hurt by things that most people think are no big deal or even find funny. They sometimes see sinister intentions where none exist, and in some ways the intention doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change that they are hurt.

I wish my sister didn’t feel so traumatized. She did have more traumatic things happen to her than I did in her youth. I’m not saying it’s her pain is her fault or anything like that, I only mean I want her to not feel so much pain and anguish.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Damn Dutchy. Sorry to hear that. Is that the sis who stiffed you out of your share of the inheritance? Just curious.

Dutchess_III's avatar

No @Nomore. It is sister B. Sister A is who ripped us both off. When sister B learned of it….she can’t get over it. Our Dad’s wife is in the hospital. Sister B is going “Jesus! Sister A better nor have DPOA!!” I mean, she can’t seem to think of anything else.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Family drama. I feel ya.

Call_Me_Jay's avatar

She talks funny. She talks in a very formal, stilted manner.

Around you. Maybe she is more relaxed around others.

Dutchess_III's avatar

No she isn’t.

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III I’m not surprised she isn’t. Is she very judgmental?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes she is very judgemental.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Sounds like one of my sisters. And one of my cousins as well. I can’t vent or say anything like that on FB, they hover over my posts like vultures.

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