Social Question

zoes87974's avatar

Should I end it with him?

Asked by zoes87974 (7points) 4 weeks ago

I have a close friend who lives far away. We’ll call him James. We used to like each other but decided it’s best that we stay friends due long distance and preventing hurting a mutual friend who he has history with. Fast forward a few months, I started talking to someone who is perfect in every way. We’ll call him Matthew. He treats me incredibly well, and is perfect in every way. Even better than when James and I used to talk. James is also talking to someone new. Sometimes James flies here every few months and we hang out with our mutual friends. However, when James and I are alone, he’s very affectionate with me and gives me kisses on the forehead or hand. I’m not affectionate back, but I can’t repress the old feelings that sprout when he does things like that. But all I feel is guilt because it’s like I’m cheating on Matthew (who already doesn’t like James).

What should I do? James and I are incredibly close and I know that if him and I do pursue a relationship, it wouldn’t work out especially because of the long-distance. And I don’t want to hurt Matthew, who could potentially be a really good and healthy relationship.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

4 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I would give James a say. Discuss it with him. Tell him your concerns and give him a chance to change. If not then it would not be a total shock. Maybe he is thinking the same and would be a relief to both of you and your relationship can be admitted to be mutually over.

I would owe the relationship that much respect.

janbb's avatar

I would talk to James also and suggest that you only hang out with him in groups of mutual friends because you don’t want to muddy things with Matthew. If that won’t work for either of you, maybe you do have to cut off the friendship. But don’t just ghost him.

smudges's avatar

James and I are incredibly close and I know that if him and I do pursue a relationship, it wouldn’t work out especially because of the long-distance.

Sounds like you’ve answered your question.

Forever_Free's avatar

Don’t double dip. Distance can work.
Decide and put your feeling in one boat and only one boat.
You are the only one that can determine what to do based on many factors.
Good luck!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther