General Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

For those who have been abused/gone through trauma, how did you personally cope?

Asked by SergeantQueen (11640points) 2 weeks ago

I color, embroider, bike, basically anything to distract myself. I play a lot of games and I read too :)

I am asking because I just had a really bad nightmare the other night, and it just bugged me a lot. Sometimes I feel like I am taking steps back. I don’t know. I have a lot of things I do to cope just curious.

Alternative question:

Did you ever felt like you “got passed it” or “moved on” or “got over it”?

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12 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I go insane, and don’t do anything about it except hallucinate until its too late. “I get over it”, when something worse happens.

I am human. Being human is a chronic and fatal condition.

janbb's avatar

Years of good therapy. And I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten past it but I’ve incorporated it into who I am and that’s a strong, functional, independent woman.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I’ve been in therapy my entire adult life. I definitely don’t talk about the same stuff now that I did when I was new to it. At some point I worked through the worst of it, and then I started working on deeper issues to improve myself.

Journaling is a fabulous way to begin therapy on your own when you can’t see an actual therapist. Write everything down. Hold nothing back. Get it all out on paper. Be sure it’s in a secure place where it won’t be seen by others.

Meditation is amazing! It cured my anxiety. I’m serious. There are many YouTube videos for meditation, and there are apps. I meditate every morning and wouldn’t miss it for the world.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Alcohol, men, dabbled in a few thing’s I shouldn’t have. Hated therapy and the gym. Walking’s pretty relaxing for me, with dogs.
When I was around 36 years old, I simply realized I had to let it go or I’d always be unhappy. I wrote a letter, mailed it and refused to dwell on it with conscious effort and intent.
Whatever positive action it takes, do it for yourself.

snowberry's avatar

I have endured quite a lot of trauma starting in infancy. At one point I had trouble finishing sentences because so many words or topics triggered me. I have never been “under the care of” any counselor. Instead I studied the Bible.

Someone showed me how to “be transformed by the renewing of my mind.” I learned how to apply Bible verses to my situation, and I learned how valuable i am in God’s eyes. Someimes my progress was slow; other times it seemed I leaped ahead. My whole outlook changed, and one day I realized the sky seemed to be a different color than it was before.

I still get traumatized sometimes, but I know how to handle it and how to help myself heal. God is real.

janbb's avatar

@snowberry I find that phrase “under the care of any counselor” kind of strange. I never would have used that for the therapy I engaged in.

snowberry's avatar

@janbb Sorry. I don’t know what kind of language you would prefer. Those are the words I picked because I couldn’t think of better ones.

janbb's avatar

How about “I’ve never tried therapy?” I’ve never tried reading the Bible but I wouldn’t say you were under the care of the Bible.

kritiper's avatar

I figured out who the SOB was who framed me and then I told everyone I could who was there.

JLoon's avatar

Sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed by what happened in your past. I know it can be rough, but that struggle means you’re not giving up.

I’ve never been abused but have other problems that required counselling. And in two summers working as a USF firefighter I lost 2 friends during a burnover.

Knowing that you need help is a good beginning because coping skills can be learned. I was lucky enough to find counselors who taught me things through conitive therapy that have been really useful. If you aren’t already seeing a professional you should try it.

And keep doing the other things you do now. Everything you mention sounds healthy, and building a consistent pattern in your life is healing.

Good luck.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Once in awhile I have nightmare/dreams of the past about unfair treatment as a child.
But I (now) understand from where it came from and that helped me to understand that it wasn’t deliberate but learned behaviour born out of frustration in my late parents lives.
Both parents were emotionally immature and they themselves didn’t have the best parents either.
This is the way that I handle my past experience of abuse.
Its just my take on abuse, my opinion, my experience, my way to handle it.
As both parents had been abused and adult responsibilities hoisted on their shoulders as a young age.
It was all learned behaviour from each generation passed on an on.
I used to cry at these incidents that showed up in my dreams but now I seek to understand what really happened instead of what is seen on the surface.
Later in life I did research on my parents Family History and found that there was more than enough pain in their childhoods to scar them for life .
I have still survived to tell the tale and will self publish a Memoir about dysfunction and how it affects family throughout many generations.( I have compiled drafts over the years).
I now reflect over the years in retirement as I now have that time to really understand the ramifications that my siblings had experienced as well and how each of us handled it in their own way.
I keep busy and strive to become better than how we were treated and am more compassionate because of it.
Regardless of what happened to me I still have to carve out my own life and to understand that because of that treatment that I am not defined by that only and don’t need to carry that weight of guilt feelings that my family carries unnecessarily.
My sister went to a Psychiatrist for years of which she felt heard for the first time but however she seemed never until last year to get treated successfully after going to an AA meeting and discovering that she is diagnosed with Bipolar as a result.
Drinking just drags a person down and I never drank alcohol after witnessing the results that occurred in some siblings over the years which were devastating to observe and realized now that they in effect were hurting themselves either to forget or to unfairly punish themselves further , a learned behaviour.
They had to learn that it WAS NOT them but their parents that needed to shape up, and no way were we as children responsible for ills in life that occurred to them to justify passing it onto their children.
So I understand the pain but also encourage you to change your mindset from victim to survivor of abuse that you had no power over until now.
Be the change that you want seen in your life and perhaps later in life you may mentor others who experienced abuse. Sorry for the long post.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I think that over the years I must have kept a subliminal list. As years cruise by, I get more accustomed to what can actually harm me, and what is nothing more than empty threat. What affects me as highly stressful now is when I get sucker punched by something new.
That much doesn’t do much to answer your question, but I want you to know it is possible to get over lots of things along the way.

I think that ignoring something is more harmful than helpful. One way I face something stressful is to make a relationship. I pretend a particular problem is an imaginary “friend”. I confront it like it can hear me. I treat it like it has feelings. I first have a one sided conversation. I declare who I am, and how it makes me feel. Then I abuse it thoroughly. As I do, I imagine it get smaller and weaker. When it is basically a whimpering three year old, I show no mercy. I send it out to fend for itself. Ha! I win.
Of course, not everything can be dealt with that way, but helps with gaining strength for facing other issues. When you have a situation you have to take action with, you can still confront it, tell it off, then form a list of who could help you fight it. For instance, if you have more bills than you can afford to pay. You face the bill monster, tell it who you are, and say, hey, I am going to call the office, and see if they will accept partial payments until I can get back on track. Ha! You didn’t expect me to think of that, did you. That helps you build strength. Then you search for who might help you find solutions. The important thing is to begin by knocking that issue down to a manageable size. If you need to, pace the room, raise your voice, and give it hell.

It might sound nutty, but it works for me with most things. If it works, I’m sticking with it.

Nightmares can be pretty upsetting, because it comes from inside one’s own head. But that is an advantage too. It is that much easier to ridicule, and overcome.

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