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filmfann's avatar

Is stealthing considered rape?

Asked by filmfann (49069points) 2 weeks ago

California is making the act of stealthing (or secretly removing a condom during sex) illegal.
I recognize that this is wrong, but is it rape?

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14 Answers

SergeantQueen's avatar

The idea is that it is rape because somebody is consenting to sex with protection, not sex without protection, and the person would have said no if they found out the guy took the condom off.

I understand that and recognize that it is wrong, especially because the person would have said no if they had known it was without a condom. The flip side is that they did not know, and consented to the act of sex. Rape typically is when there is no consent. So it gets super wishy washy.

Making it illegal is fine I suppose but it is just for show, but legally considering it rape probably won’t do much.

Either way, illegal or not, considered rape or not, it is not like anyone is actually going to be held accountable for this.

Rape is such a hard thing to prove to begin with. With this, how do you prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the guy for sure did not have a condom on? Pregnancy isn’t evidence, it can happen even with a condom.

I don’t think anything will come of it legally is my point. So whether or not it is considered rape doesn’t seem to matter as much, other than possibly raising the bar because now you have to prove he 1) didn’t wear one 2) was aware the person would have said no if he didn’t have one and more.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I think it’s just a personal belief as to whether or not it’s considered rape, as I said it won’t go far legally in my opinion.

chyna's avatar

@SergeantQueen All good and valid points. One you left out though is sexually transmitted diseases. Though, again, I would find it hard to prove. The guy could say the condom broke, both parties were caught up in the moment and didn’t stop to put on a new condom. I think this may turn out to be a useless law.

jca2's avatar

The guy could also say that the condom came off accidentally.

JLoon's avatar

How it’s legally defined in terms of rape or assualt will depend on how the final statute is worded – hopefully with input from responsible women and men.

But as far as personal experience I can say I’ve had this happen more than once, most often with younger guys during our first time or early in the relationship. Each time there wasn’t really much “stealthy” about it. I can tell the difference almost immediately, and I always object. What’s amazing is how many want to argue over it, which makes their behavior even harder to tolerate.

Altogether it feels to me like abuse, and shows a lack of respect for my body and for me as a person. Whenever I’ve had to deal with this things end pretty quickly. I can tell it’s someome untrustworthy, selfish, and immature. There is no “next time.”

So based on all of that the idea that so-called “stealthing” should be seen as a form of assualt makes sense to me. But I’m sad & disgusted that it will take a criminal law and prosecution to wake these guys up.

Cupcake's avatar

It is certainly a form of sexual assault.

JLeslie's avatar

This is just my opinion, I hadn’t even heard about this until this Q.

I wouldn’t call it rape, but it’s assault, and I would say it could be assault with a deadly weapon. There are STD’s that can be deadly. There are STD’s that If not deadly can cause ongoing illness and physical harm.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I think it’s a good thing.

Definately sexual assault if intentional, not sure about rape. I’m also not sure how a person could prove it was intentional in court as accidents like that do happen, as @jca2 said.

Besides an unintended pregnancy, herpes and other STD’s can be life-altering emotionally and physically.
I had a male friend who got herpes and he said he felt stuck with the relationship because he was too ashamed to tell new partners or even try to date. It’s not okay.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Yes. It’s rape. It’s a non consensual sexual penetration.

JLeslie's avatar

The more I think about it, the more I think it is rape. The woman might have given permission to have sex, but she gets to choose what object penetrates her, and if it isn’t what she agreed to then probably yes we should call it rape.

Cupcake's avatar

From this link, rape is “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim”, per the FBI.

I am fine with stealthing coming under this definition (i.e., stealthing = rape), as it is un-protected penetration without consent.

gondwanalon's avatar

What if the condom breaks during sex? Is that accidental rape?

cheebdragon's avatar

They couldn’t make it more than a misdemeanor.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

What if the woman puts a hole in her birth control or stops taking it, and/or lies saying she’s on it? Would that be wrong too?

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