General Question

acebamboo77's avatar

How do I open up?

Asked by acebamboo77 (717points) September 15th, 2008

Hey, I am just looking for some advice from people, who know where I am coming from. I know everyone has their hardships and thats not what I am here to sob about. I’ve finally found myself in my dream relationship, the one ive been working on for quite some time now. I always had my emotional reservations, and I guess I assumed they would go away when I knew he felt the same.
That being said, my emotional reservations are still there, and I catch myself keeping things in…
so are there any tips out there for letting go and opening up?

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13 Answers

Nimis's avatar

I think you’ll just have to give it more time?

grayreason's avatar

Write what you want to tell him and then when you feel up to it give it to him.

PupnTaco's avatar

Counseling works wonders, don’t be afraid of it.

cheebdragon's avatar

“righty-tighty and lefty-loosey.”

cyndyh's avatar

LOL! Lurve to cheebdragon. :^>

basp's avatar

I don’t think there is any rule stating you have to open up completely about everything. Having said that, I do think good communication is critical in a relationship but respect for each others privacy and their choice to keep some things private is important too.

Bri_L's avatar

Hey cheeb, normally I am in tune but I don’t get it.

cyndyh's avatar

Bri: That’s the general rule for unscrewing something. You know, “opening up” like a jar or most things that are screwed in.

Bri_L's avatar

Oh, heheh. thanks. I am normally much faster on the uptake. Thanks!!!

Bri_L's avatar

@lacerbabe99 – perhaps the most important thing for you to open up about is implied by your question, your really happy with your relationship and you appreciate the pace your allowed to go at.

marinelife's avatar

I think you have made a start by acknowledging it. One step toward real intimacy is to tell your partner what you have told us—that you tend to hold back, you want to open up more, but you are finding it difficult.

Doing that is taking a risk (which is why we hold back in relationships—we are afraid of being vulnerable to another). When your partner responds in a way that makes you feel safe, it builds a little bridge of trust.

Next step is to examine each instance in which you find yourself aware that you are holding back. Write about what you are holding back, write about how the thought of telling him makes you feel. Experience those defense mechanisms that say, “No, don’t tell. We’ll be hurt.” consciously. Then make an informed decision about whether to tell him from your frontal lobe and heart, not just from your unconscious defense mechanisms.

Take it slow. Be kind to yourself. If you are up for self-help books, I really recommend “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix.

Good luck.

acebamboo77's avatar

@ Marina, Thank you for the advice, in fact I already went ahead and told him that i notice myself holding back, but he said he noticed and that he is the same way.
I have never really given much thought to the instances in which i hold back, but I will be sure to now.

Bri_L's avatar

It sounds like you guys are on the same wave length. That is good.

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