How do I tell my parents that I do not want to start a lucrative career at 50?

It’s tough because of the cultural differences. I would very politely tell my parents that I am an independent, grown adult, and that I will live my life as I please.

But that may just cause more issues for you. I don’t know. I would just be super respectful but also blunt: You don’t want to do this, and you don’t have to do what they say.

Thank you very much for trusting us with this difficult situation.

I am very sorry to hear what you’re experiencing. I am an American, but I lived in the Far East for a long time and understand the importance of family for Asian people. What you are describing seems really difficult.

If I understand correctly, your parents refuse to accept money from your husband. This is a difficult situation for you.

I am 58 years old and fully appreciate that you do not want to start another career.

I have an idea, but it’s unpleasant. Can you tell your parents you’ve taken a part-time job and send them money from your husband pretending it’s from you? I know it sounds awful, and there are ramifications of they discover the truth.

I’m at a loss for other ideas. I hope others are able to give more ideas. Maybe that will spark more ideas from even more people.

I was thinking the same as @Hawaii_Jake . Maybe tell a little white lie and tell your parents that your writing career is really taking off & you’d like to send them some money to help with their burden. Then send them the funds that they need and fail to mention that it’s really coming from your husband

Yes, it is wrong to lie to them, but it is also wrong to not help them when they are in trouble and refusing your help

Agree with @SEKA and @Hawaii_Jake.

Given what I know of your family’s culture, I can see how you would feel trapped. Filial duty is no longer so easily defined today, especially when it reaches across wide geographical distances. I’m assuming your parents are still in India? That seems like an important point.

I agree in principle with the above posts, recognizing that you have already given up quite enough for your parents’ beliefs and expectations, especially since they have now reversed their position on your career.

But I don’t think lying is the solution. It is certainly not the first choice among solutions. It could do more harm to your relationship with your parents—and with your own children, who will learn from it—than even simple refusal.

Why not try talking with your brother? He’s the one who received the benefits that he no longer wants to pay for. If he’s calling your parents a burden, it sounds like he has his own resentments. (Perhaps they are expecting to enjoy a privileged lifestyle that strains his resources? Just guessing. I’m also supposing there’s a daughter-in-law in this picture.) Find out what his true feelings are in this matter.

If you are both still willing to support your parents—assuming they have no income or savings of their own—it can be a matter of private understanding between the two of you. Your parents have no right to pry into that.

So then you can consider this option: funnel your own contribution (coming from your willingly accommodating husband) through your brother. You don’t have to lie to anyone, and neither does he. Don’t explain at all. Just back up his support with funds from your household, and let the parents think whatever they want.

You do have to be willing for your brother to take the credit, with no thanks for your husband. You can decide if it’s worth it.

You’re 50. Time to grow up. Be honest with you parents but their wishes should not be your life path.

Who is talking to your brother about being a bad son? It sounds like the solution is for him to stop being a jerk and repay his parents for their support.
You have no obligation if they turn down your money but I know that must be difficult for you emotionally.

@SnipSnip the problem is that she comes from India. If she was an American then I would have agreed with you.

@Tanyap send what you can afford; your brother is the biggest issue, not you !

I am glad to see more people joined in with more carefully thought out solutions.

@Jeruba came up with an idea that crossed my mind later. She wrote it well, and I’m pleased she did. Her idea has many issues that we can’t know, because they’re not in your details. We don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your brother. Still, the idea is worth thinking about.

I would tell your parents that you are” already in a career, of your choosing”.
Eventually you will Publish your stories etc
They don’t see the money, but it will come as you gain more experience etc
Good luck.
As for your parents hopeing tht your brother would be successfull…its called the Golden Child syndrome..where parents designate usually the oldest to succeed and give all their support in hopes of him giving from his suppossed success.
My older brother was the first to attend University but the stress was too much for him and he basically moved away for many years to go on his own.
He did Ok and worked a s supervisor of a Gold Mine but that job bottomed out whent hat mine closed.
He wandered the continent taking odd jobs and living off the land and no one knew where he was for over 20 years.
He is now 80 years old and retired of which he is thankful for that from the Government otherwise he would be out on the streets.
Bottom line: He got tired of pleasing our parents espectation on him so he left the family.