General Question

Lee_27's avatar

Is age just a number?

Asked by Lee_27 (348points) September 17th, 2008 from iPhone

Im 28, I met this incredible man who is 47.
He is amazing and so easy to talk to but I’m kinda worried what other people will think about this age gap and if this age gap could possibly be some kind of road block in a possible relationship. What does the collective think?

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20 Answers

Les's avatar

As much as it shouldn’t be an issue for anyone but the two of you, people will have a problem with it. Personally, I don’t think I would ever date anyone that much older (or younger) than myself, but that is not to say that I would find that impossible. If the two of you are happy, then that should be all that matters. I think this is one of those situations like inter-racial couples. It shouldn’t be an issue; it is only the business of the two people in the relationship. But people are weird, and find problems with these things. My advice is just listen to your heart. You are both mature adults, and if you make each other happy, then who cares what anyone else thinks?

AstroChuck's avatar

I think only you can answer this. Age discrepancy can definitely come between people. I can think of three people off the top of my head who’ve had age differences similar to what you have. One relationship is still going strong. One was doing fine until she passed away. The other didn’t work out in part because of age. But they really weren’t right for each other anyway. Both are very different people.
I don’t see why you can’t just take things slow with him and just see how things go. The hell with what others think. Just don’t jump into anything.
Anyway, that’s my layman advice, for what it’s worth. Good luck with whatever course you take.

marinelife's avatar

The answer is it depends. An age difference such as you describe between an 18-year-old and a 37-year-old would virtually never work. The extra ten years that you have improves the odds somewhat, but they are still long. A relationship, yes. A long-term, happily-ever-after is much more unlikely.

Nineteen years is to all intents and purposes a generation. The two of you do not the same frame of reference in life (historical events, music, etc. in your formative years). That does not make things impossible. If you share the same core values, it will help. If you have similar tastes, shared pastimes, activities you both love to do together now that will also help.

So, good luck.

Magnus's avatar

Age is a number yes, but it’s not completely random. The age tells you how many years it was since a person was born!

kevbo's avatar

I’m 35. My gf of three years is 50. Her ex-ish husband is 80.

My differences with her have centered more around personality and preferences (like most relationships) than age, although the age difference has freaked her out (not me so much) often enough in our relationship. She’s already seen the future in terms of the “getting old” routine with her ex and really hasn’t enjoyed that (although there’s a preference/personality dynamic to that relationship as well). She keeps saying that she really doesn’t want me to deal with that when it comes to her getting old, but so far I’ve managed to avoid the kick to the curb. ;-)

She’s also the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t imagine being in love with anyone else.

My cousin, who is my age, married a man 15–20 years her senior when she was 30 or so. They’re both very happy and have two kids. They’re both hopeless romantics, though.

If you’re the type that exhibits a pattern of falling in love and staying in a relationship until the bitter end, ask yourself if you: a) want kids, and b) will feel okay about your life in one or two or three years if this relationship doesn’t work out. In other words, do you think you’ll feel regret if you’re 31 and have to put yourself back on the market to do the marriage and baby thing instead of looking for a husband/dad now or in the near future?

Other than that, follow your heart. You both probably have great things to teach each other.

srmorgan's avatar

I just turned 59.
One of my best friends from college was married and divorced and re-married about 4 years ago to a woman 17 years younger than him.
We don’t speak all that often anymore living 600 miles from each other but this Sunday I get an e-mail with a photo attached of a nurse and a new-born baby.

So this kind of thing does happen. I am not so sure I would want to be 75 years old and having to teach my son how to drive. He would probably end up in the left lane with the right blinker on all of the time,,,

So the age gap can be surmounted but there is a concern when one partner passes or approaches 65 or 75 or 85 because we all slow down at some point.

I am all of 19 months older than my wife and I guess we will grow old(er) together if things continue to work out.


Comedian's avatar

OMG YES! It is also just a state of mind! Thank you for asking this question!

JackAdams's avatar

It really doesn’t matter what I think, nor what anyone else thinks, to be honest with you.

When I was 40, I was dating a woman 60. My first lover was a woman of 42, when I was 15.

The only opinion that really counts, is your own.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Age is both less important and more important than people give it credit for. It is not just a number, it is an indication of life experience, life situation and generally maturity level. However, if you can talk about the differences between you and work past them, then you are ahead of the game.

AstroChuck's avatar

Well said.

deaddolly's avatar

Age means nothing. I’m 52 and think/feel like I’m still 21. The only time I think it’s not fine was when my 16 year old daughter wanted to date a 25 year old. Once you’re past the age of consent, who cares what anyone else thinks. No one knows what’s right for anyone, except that person. And we all know that guys don’t mature until about the age of 50…lol Enjoy your relationship and if anyone stares—stare back!

flameboi's avatar

do not date the older guy, have you ever wondered why if he is so great is still in the market afetr 47 years….??? You are in for a nasty surprise…

deaddolly's avatar

He’s on the market cause he’s smart!

Comedian's avatar

@deaddolly: I love you!

deaddolly's avatar

lol…aw,shucks! Thanks for the love!

I think people that are single longer are smarter and therefore, more picky.

Comedian's avatar

exactly! Finally. Someone that gets me (on the age part….no one can truely get me. Not even ME)

flameboi's avatar

Wait a minute dd, if you are still single and you are 33, then you are smart, but, let’s face it, the person we are talking about passed his 40’s, if he decides to have children, let’s say, at 45, then by the time his kid turns 18, he will be 63!!!
63 is a great age to be a grandfather, not the father of a young adult…
Just my point of view…

Emilyy's avatar

I feel like this question keeps coming up.

I think that whole argument of, “What is he still doing single at 47?!” or even worse the “What does a 47-year-old want with a 28-year-old?!” Those are crap in my opinion. Some people find love in someone their own age. Some people find love in someone of a different age. I think if you notice a pattern, like maybe someone is 22 and all their past boyfriends in the last few years have been 37 and 35 and 42, then maybe they need to re-assess their life and why seeking the comfort of an older man has become a pattern. But I think if you happen to fall in love with someone at some point who is in a different generation than you, just let it ride. My sister’s engaged to a dude that is 18 years older than her. I dated a guy recently who is 12 years my senior. My sister and I have both had plenty of other unsuccessful relationships with guys who are younger than us, older than us, and roughly the same age. People are always going to scrutinize others for something, whether it’s age, or an actual character flaw. Pick your battles.

deaddolly's avatar

i’m single – never been married – and I’m 52. At the request of my daughter (I had her via artificial insemenation), I tried some dating sites. Had a lot of offers…decided it was not at all what I wanted, so never followed thru.

Some ppl get busy with their lives and don’t need relationships.

As far as the old father thing goes, I know some 80 year olds that have more energy and look better than I do.

Yes, let it happen—who cares about age.

Comedian's avatar

try my older friend and I made an account for fun on it. It’s fun lol!

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