General Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

Is this man stalking me or just harassing me?

Asked by SergeantQueen (12539points) 1 month ago

36 (I think) year old man named Eric who I met when I was 17 (he was 32). He drove me down to Chicago to go see my ex. This was 4 years ago.

For obvious reasons, I don’t want to talk to Eric.

However, he has messaged me on many different accounts that I own, using many different accounts he owns including fake Facebook profiles with fake names, and using his YouTube branded accounts.

He keeps not understanding why I do not want to talk to him. I block him all the time but that never works, obviously.

He always comes back either days/weeks/or months later with a new account.

What do I do? Restraining order, call the police? It has been 4 years of trying to contact me.

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20 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

He’s both stalking and harassing you. I hope some of the women on here will have good advice for you. I’m ignorant of the best way to deal with a stalker. I’m sorry this is happening to you. The man is awful.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I’m just at a loss.

Another man I met online kind of did the same, wouldn’t stop trying to contact me, but a threat of calling the cops and being a mega bitch stopped the behavior.

Nothing will stop this guy it seems. And he does know the general area I live in.

And every random request always freaks me out.

I did take screenshots of accounts I knew was him, but that phone broke and they weren’t backed up.

So now I don’t know if I have proper evidence to try and even do anything legally.

Pandora's avatar

Unless there are implied threats in his messages then I don’t think the cops can do anything. You could maybe write to Facebook or any of those other sites informing them that this person keeps making fake accounts to harass you. They may be able to block his Ip address.
I did find a possible way for you to block an IP address HomePass There are other mentions on other sites on how to do this. Hopefully this would help. This way, your computer will automatically block him from your computer without having to block out the site itself.

SergeantQueen's avatar

No he hasn’t threatened. But do I need to talk to cops to do a restraining order?

SergeantQueen's avatar

He messaged me again yesterday. First time in roughly 6 months. But I knew for a fact it was him so maybe it wasn’t the first I don’t know.

Pandora's avatar

@SergeantQueen Unfortunately yes. Cops only act upon actual crimes. Annoying someone isn’t high on their lists. I can understand why. Imagine how busy they would be for everyone who is stalked online. I did find a security site that can handle online stalkers. You may want to look into it.
Of course there is the issue that this person knows where you live and probably has friended a lot of the same people you know on facebook. Let them know what is going on so they can block this person. If they are not willing too then you may need to block those friends as well.

SergeantQueen's avatar

My friends list has always been private but I can look.

I’ll look at that site

SergeantQueen's avatar

Wait, does that site cost money? It’s showing weird on my phone and I can’t tell

SergeantQueen's avatar

Only crime that was committed was him driving a minor across state lines(me), and that’s a felony. but that was 4 years ago

Zaku's avatar

You could research the statute of limitations on that.

LadyMarissa's avatar

Legally speaking, he’s only harassing you because he hasn’t shown up at your home nor followed you around town…showing up at places where you shop or go out to eat. A restraining order is a complete waste of time!!! It only serves to make YOU feel safer. Since he’s not showing up at your home, they can’t restrict him for coming in a close proximity to you or your home. Even IF he’s restricted for coming within 200 feet of you or your home, the cops won’t do anything to keep him away from you. He will have to harm you BEFORE the cops will do anything. I only remember ever hearing of 1 girl who was harassed to the point that she had so much evidence that she ignored the cops telling her that there was nothing they could do to help her & she managed to get it into court. She had printout after printout of the things he had said to her & her telling him to leave her alone. He told the judge that she was playing hard to get & really wanted to be with him. The judged ruled that he was NO longer allowed to contact her online, or by email, or he’d be going to jail. He did, she documented it & the judge put him in jail. So, it can be done, but it will take a LOT of work & dedication on your part

When I had my stalker, I spoke to a deputy about what options I had to stop the guy. He told me to put up no trespassing signs on all 4 sides of my yard & to call the county IF he came in my yard. He did & I did. The cop just chuckled when I called & said that there was nothing that they could do until he was harming me & he hung up. Then about 45 minutes later a cop was knocking on my door to see IF I was OK. Hell, he had been gone for almost an hour by the time they showed up to check on me.They put the responsibility on you to prove that he’s doing something wrong. Until you do, they consider it a domestic disturbance & do NOTHING!!! Losing your proof would be all it would take to be classified as a domestic disturbance. Make it a habit to keep detailed records of him contacting you & you asking him to stop. Don’t depend on the cops to help you. You are your own best advocate & find ways to protect yourself!!!

chyna's avatar

Since it’s just phone calls and through various social media, I think it will be called harassment by the police. And the fact that he took you over state line 4 years ago will be a “he said, she said” thing and most likely not anything that can be proven.
Don’t reply to him, ever, and just continue blocking him. He will get tired of playing with you and move on.

jca2's avatar

I can tell you that if it’s FB he’s using, you should make sure all of your posts, info and photos are set to “private” and not “public.” Make your settings set to where only friends can message you. You can also turn off the friend request thing so nobody can send you a friend request. Basically what you’re doing is making it where a person who is not your friend cannot message you, see your stuff or send you a friend request.

SergeantQueen's avatar

It’s not a he said she said, as there is evidence he drove me. But I get what you are saying

KNOWITALL's avatar

You could just change the account nane so only those you tell will know. A friend did that and it works great.

Pandora's avatar

The second site I sent you does charge. The first one is just one of many ways to block his IP address. I don’t think you have to pay for that and some computer securities may already come with it. Just research blocking it. Or if you don’t know how to do that ask someone who knows their way around computers to help you out.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I guess I could change all handles.

chyna's avatar

If you are truly afraid of him, by all means change all your handles, or better yet, get off social media.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I’m not against changing it, obviously I don’t want him messaging me so I don’t get the annoyance you have. (It sounds like annoyance “if you are truly afraid of him” or maybe I’m reading into that.)

It just pisses me off now I gotta change my life because some asshole wants to fuck with me

Poseidon's avatar

It appears pretty obvious that this has being going on for a very long time and it has to be stopped.

If you can contact every social media provider such as Facebook this person uses and complain to them that your are being both stalked and harassed and ask them to take steps to prevent him from ever contacting your again.

Your next step should be to contact your local police department and inform them. Police forces now have specialised departments which deal with this and specialise in Internet stalking and harassment.

The police will be able to contact the administration of the social media companies involved and they can find out who this man is, where he lives and of course to a criminal records check on this moron.

This man could be charged with the offences and could also be facing a lengthy prison sentence.

Unfortunately if it does appear with a court case you will very likely be required to give evidence in court.

Good luck.

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