General Question

bkburbo's avatar

For those who have moved to a new city to take a job but had no friends there, what did you do to make some?

Asked by bkburbo (251points) September 18th, 2008

And how did it work out?

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25 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

Well it wasn’t to take a job, but…I made work friends. My neighbors became my friends, and I met people through them. If your into something try a group. Or take a class.

marinelife's avatar

Do you have a dog? Find the local off-leash park and go there. Dog people are great people and dogs are great conversation starters.

Do you like books? Join a book club. Gardening? Hiking? Bird watching? NASCAR? Most major pastimes have groups everywhere where you can meet and socialize with like-minded folks.

If you are inclined, a church can be a welcoming, ready-made community.

I did my first suggestion when I moved to Orlando and made many friends I still have four years later.

Give yourself some time.

girlofscience's avatar

My boyfriend and I just moved to a new city for me to attend grad school. So far, all of our friends are my grad school friends. He gets along with a lot of them, and he really likes my girlfriends’ significant others.

But he also recently got a job! Although his job is spectacular, the people in his office don’t seem to be people that he will become best friends with. He was talking to the girl in the cubicle next to him the other day, and she was asking how he was meeting people. He said through me, and she suggested finding people through church!!! We are non-religious, so this is not an option for us. But I guess I can suggest her suggestion—CHURCH!

tWrex's avatar

I’d start by drinking heavily and swearing at people. That get’s everyone to like you…

Seriously though, I normally don’t suggest this, but social networking sites are really good for stuff like this. Example: I use twitter. I enjoyed it so much that when I found out about brightkite I was all over it. Waited for my beta invite and I’ve found absolutely no one in my area that uses it. However, my Uncle just moved to Boston for a new job. I happen to be friends with more people in Boston than I ever thought I’d be. He signed up for an account and is able to see people that are doing things he’s doing around him. He’s at a starbucks and once he checks into the starbucks from his phone he can see who else is there or around him. While it isn’t foolproof – since I’ve met no one through it that lives around me – it can be an interesting social experiment to find people with similar interests. If you’re interested send me a pm with your email and I’ll send you an invite – and then sell your info so you get loads of spam jk.

artificialard's avatar

Being an introvert I’ve found this works well: say yes to everything. I mean, every invitation, every person that comes up to talk to you, requests for help, anything. We’re often selective of how we spend our time but are subject to habit and laziness/fear.

I’ve found myself going to parties that were awkward but other parties where I made great long-lasting friends. A random request for volunteering made me a potential job lead and some fantastic experiences and friends. Introduce yourself often.

It’s more the concept of being open and available to new things and people and a part of that is saying yes.

Another thing is facebook – I know some people think it’s stupid but it’s really helped me connect with old friends and stay in touch with people that I might not’ve. Get everyone’s facebook, use it.

That drunk hobo that asks you for stuff on the street is exempted. You can say no to that.

MarcIsMyHero's avatar

Find a local neighborhood bar that you like. Not a crazy wild kind of place, but the kind of casual spot where you can get to know the bartender. Be friendly, open and honest. Even if you aren’t really a drinker this can work. Go and sit at the bar a few times and get to know the staff. Let them know that you are new to the neighborhood. If its a place with any sort of decent staff they should start introducing you to other like minded people at the bar. I have worked in quite a few local bars and one of my favorite things to do is to welcome people to the neighborhood. I buy newbies a drink and do whatever i can to make them feel welcome. I have had many people come back years later to thank me for helping them feel comfortable adjusting to the big city. The best feeling is when people come back to tell me that they are engaged or married or just had a baby with someone who i introduced them to in the bar. Last night i actually had a guy come into my bar who i hadnt seen in maybe 4 or 5 years. He spent a summer in NYC doing an internship and found my bar. He came in all the time and made a bunch of friends. i got so excited to see his face. I instantly put a pint of Guinness (his fav beer) on the bar. He then showed me pics of his 4 month old baby!

PS. The secret to making friends with bartenders is really an easy one- always be friendly and always tip… the bartenders will love you.

JackAdams's avatar

The workplace is where you begin to make and cultivate friendships; start with your co-workers.

Next, your neighbors in your neighborhood.

From there, things increase exponentially, I have found.

Mr_M's avatar

Go into the local Burger King, drop your pants and shout “Did somebody say ‘HOLD THE PICKLE?!!!’”.

girlofscience's avatar

@Mr_M: Omg, that sounds horrible… :(

cak's avatar

Having moved several times in my adult life, I did the same thing, each place. Get involved. What do you like to do…go do it! Join a gym, a club – if you are a church goer – start looking for a church. When you do get an invitation – even if you are shy – go. It shows that you are trying, people like that!

Don’t sit home! A few of our local museums have days where they have picnics on the lawns and it’s open to dogs, too. (outside only!)

Find somewhere to volunteer, get involved in city activities…just put yourself out there. I’m actually shy, in person, so it’s hard for me to get involved, but I forced myself to do it and it worked. I met people and really loved what I was doing.

Good luck!

tWrex's avatar

@Mr_M Arrr. I had no choice but ta give ye a great answer. I almost had to clean me poopdeck after that response. Arrr.

Bri_L's avatar

I met people through work and through church.

cwilbur's avatar

Beyond work, find activities you enjoy, and meet people that way. Join the local Friends of the Library if you like to read, or get a subscription to community theater or season tickets for the local minor league baseball team. Church, if you’re inclined that way. Or political activism.

Bars are not the best place to meet people unless you consider sitting around in poorly-lit rooms and drinking a hobby.

sdeutsch's avatar

I agree – going out and doing the things you like to do is the best way to meet people with common interests. But, if you’re having trouble finding the right group for you (which is harder in some areas than others), is a good way to connect with people in your area. They’ve got all sorts of interesting groups, and if you don’t find the one you want, you can start your own!

tWrex's avatar

Arrgh, here’s what ye do:
Get a dog that barks…
Go outside when it begins ta bark…
Get down on yer knees and bark with ‘em…
You’ll be meetin’ people in no time!
I almost feel like this answer can be used anywhere, yaargh

JackAdams's avatar

If you are a member of any national organizations, like:

Water Buffaloes

You could frequent their local lodge halls, introduce yourself, and make new friends that way. If you are not a member of one of those groups, you could contact one of them and inquire about their membership requirements.

You could also, in theory, post a Q asking if there are any Flutherers living in your community, and see if someone wishes to meet you in person, in some public (and heavily populated) place.

Again, good luck!

girlofscience's avatar


Elks Moose Lion Water Buffaloes Beaver Raccoons Monkey Mongoose


Are these real national organizations? What the hell are they? And why are they named after crazy animals???

You could also, in theory, post a Q asking if there are any Flutherers living in your community, and see if someone wishes to meet you in person, in some public (and heavily populated) place.

Why did you emphasize “in some public (and heavily populated) place”? This isn’t 1993 anymore… No one assumes that bkburbo is some nutcase serial rapist. I think people would be fine meeting it in a coffee shop.

JackAdams's avatar

Meeting strangers in person, whom you “met” online, is not always safe.

My friend’s daughter did that, and at 17, she was murdered by some “guy” she had met online.

cwilbur's avatar

@girlofscience: there are a number of men’s organizations that were set up for socializing and mutual support. The Freemasons are probably the oldest and best-known, but there are a number of organizations along the same lines.

Unfortunately, the last generation that really seemed interested in joining them grew up in the 1970s, and so a lot of them have closed from attrition. And many of them are men-only, which is a thorny problem even for those of us who pass the physical.

tWrex's avatar

I’ve always been curious about becoming a freemason. Me-thinks a question may come about of that.

acebamboo77's avatar

volunteer! best thing i ever did…
volunteer for things that are related to your interests, then your guaranteed to meet other ppl u share a common interest in

deaddolly's avatar

Be friendly and meet ppl thru work. Parks are good….laundermats….

Strike up conversations in coffee shops.

I’ve made and met many ppl online. Some have become good friends. Just cause Jack’s a psycho, don’t think we all are. lol

JackAdams's avatar

Hey! I am NOT a “psycho!”

It was my mother who killed all those girls at my motel!

deaddolly's avatar

uh, ok…unlock your door when you hear the sirens coming…

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