Social Question

RayaHope's avatar

Why would someone become attracted to certain types of people that they find to be bad?

Asked by RayaHope (2259points) 1 week ago

Someone that you may even be wary of or even a little scared of. A personality that seems to run against your own like sandpaper.

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28 Answers

JLoon's avatar

I’m irresistable.

Deal with it ;)

seawulf575's avatar

Most people are looking for more excitement. The “bad boys” bring that. It is sort of rebellion, sort of a daredevil thing to go after such a person. Another option is that you feel the need to “fix” that bad boy. That usually stems from low self-esteem.

rebbel's avatar

My lovers usually tell me “you are bad, in bed”.

RayaHope's avatar

@JLoon you’re not bad but I do like you :D @seawulf575 I do feel like I want to help or change someone at times like get them to see a different way that I think is better and less toxic.@rebbel is that good? ;)

seawulf575's avatar

@RayaHope My step-daughter went down that path. Not a good path. Instead of her boosting them up, they dragged her down. Her issue was very low self-esteem and she felt like if she could fix one of these damaged-goods guys, it would show she had worth. After we got her back off of living on the streets and we got her separated from her latest love-of-her-life and after we got her off the drugs, we managed to make her understand that she had worth without having to prove it. She had to understand that she could not change any guy. You might get him to start putting the toilet seat down, but you will never change him. Once she understood she was a quality person her life spun around and now she is doing great. She just got married to a wonderful guy, she laughs a lot, she smiles a lot, she enjoys life again.

filmfann's avatar

Danger equals excitement.

raum's avatar

People tend to gravitate towards things they think they deserve. Both with relationships and in life.

You deserve to be happy.

When you’re in a place in your life where you truly believe that, your compass will change.

eyesoreu's avatar

There’s a reason we gravitate to villains in movies, even Disney ones…

LadyMarissa's avatar

@rebbel Sorry, I gotta know…

Are you a “bad boy” in bed…OR…“bad at it” in bed??? ;}

Kropotkin's avatar

There’s some evidence that ‘Dark Triad’ traits (narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy) are more attractive to women.

These types are confident, more extraverted and daring, which are generally attractive qualities.

They’re also capable of being manipulative and dishonest, and will say and do what they need to in order to attract whomever they want.

RayaHope's avatar

@Kropotkin I really hate my brain sometimes. I fall for stuff I probably shouldn’t I trust people and take them at their word. I wish I could change how I’m wired :(

smudges's avatar

^^You’re young. Give it time. You’ll learn and/or outgrow it. Unfortunately we pay the price for learning.

RayaHope's avatar

@smudges Thank you, I keep trying

Mimishu1995's avatar

I haven’t seen anyone talking about the past aspect yet. Sometimes people are attracted to bad personalities because that’s what they are familiar with. Whether you have a bad childhood or get involved in so many bad relationship early on in your life, if you are around bad people for so long, you grow accustomed to it subconsciously. And it’s human nature to seek out things that are familiar.

Also, if you don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, how can you avoid getting involved in bad relationship? Some people genuinely believe that abuse is part of a relationship. I asked this question some time ago, and believe it or not, people like my friend are really common. They think jealousy is just part of a relationship, and would defend their lover even when they are clearly hurtful.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@smudges The way I look at it…as long as we’re learning, it’s well worth the price!!! It’s when you fail to learn that you have a problem!!!

RayaHope's avatar

@Mimishu1995 I don’t think I’m the jealous type but I do not tolerate abuse and I think I’m stronger for it.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@RayaHope I’m answering the question in the general sense. This does not direct at you.

RayaHope's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Oh sorry please accept my apologies.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@Mimishu1995 I understood what you are saying & in many ways you are right. My first husband was VERY abusive & I spent most of my life hating him for it. Then I met & married my last husband & discovered that the things that he loved most about me were the things that had become part of me as I learned from my mistake with the first. The love he shared with me took away all the pain that the first had put into my soul. Had I not endured the pain, I’d NEVER had the courage to accept the love. In the long run, the great love made ALL the pain worth it!!! I can now die a happy, loving soul!!!

Inspired_2write's avatar

Could be a pettern that is engrained in their family .

Controlling parent,contolling spouse.

Break that pattern and free oneself, usually takes until middle age to really understand that the past engrained them to accept a controlling partner.

In my case my now Ex was charming and lovable UNTIL I married him.

He controlled everything, finiances, the household etc until I filed for Divorce and never looked back.
Also times were differnt where the husband handled finances and wife had to ask permission to have an account ( denied by husband).

Until the womens movement changed all that and gave us freedom to handle our own lives .

Apparently HE had a contoling mother thus he vowed NEVER to be controlled by a women

and hence he became too contolling.( insecure)

Yes there are patterns in families that we unknowlingly follow.

Smashley's avatar

I think it can come from low self esteem. We tend to envy and idolize lots of people, for different reasons, and it’s often the bad partners who see that best, then do their best to make us feel accepted, and subsequently fall for them.

Connecting with the social power of transgression can be quite the aphrodisiac, as well. When playing the game properly hasn’t been working, learning that you to can break the rules and gain power is an incredible feeling. More often, it’s the “good” partner who is getting off on the “bad” stuff and not the other way around.

RayaHope's avatar

@Smashley Woo-hoo no swear words thank you. I don’t think getting off has anything to do with this. ewww It’s more complicated and I don’t know why. It’s like an attraction that you just don’t want but somehow it’s ingrained into you and you can’t help it.

smudges's avatar

@RayaHope I don’t think @Smashley meant that as literally as you have interpreted.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@rebbel It seems that 2 can play at that game!!! :)
I noticed that you didn’t answer my question…it’s dangerous to leave the answer to my imagination!!!

RayaHope's avatar

@Smashley I apologize for taking your question wrong. sorry :(

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