General Question

RayaHope's avatar

Were you or did you know of a child that was extremely shy when in grade school?

Asked by RayaHope (5117points) 1 month ago

Anything you would want to share?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

28 Answers

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Not shy ever!

Jonsblond's avatar

I was that person. It was extremely painful to deal with.

I didn’t learn until I was decades years older that I had social anxiety.

JLeslie's avatar

I remember some very shy children when I was in school, but not very many. As a kid my perception was they needed more time to feel safe. I think that was reinforced by my parents. They never were pushy with children who were withdrawn initially. They would say hello and try to include them, but never overbearing.

seawulf575's avatar

I was shy up until the time I was 18. I had friends, but it was hard for me to meet people and I was never the one that would openly greet new people. It wasn’t until I was 18 that I realized how much of life I was missing. So I started forcing myself to open up. It was uncomfortable at first but that didn’t last long. Pretty soon I was very outgoing and felt very comfortable around new people.

cookieman's avatar

I was really insecure and introverted as a kid, but not really shy.

My daughter was (and somewhat continues to be) extremely shy. With my wife and I, she’s not shy at all, but around anyone else — very shy. She made friends but spoke mostly in a whisper, stared at her feet a lot, would only speak if spoken to. Like @Jobsblond though, it turned out to be social anxiety. At age 19, she’s better, but still pretty shy.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I was so shy/particular, I refused to speak to the kindergarten evaluator. She told my mom I likely couldn’t attend a public school.
Mom asked me why I wouldn’t talk to her and I said I didn’t like her. I went to a private kindergarten with an excellent staff and never had any issues oe problems until I got shy again around junior high.
Mom sent me to poise classes to build confidence and that worked well.
For me, we just had to push through it. My family was loud and outgoing across the board, but two of us were less social.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

Not really. I was too busy being the world’s greatest comedian. Got me in a lot of trouble, teachers and administrators have no sense of humor. In my own defense I can truthfully say that I usually befriended the so called out casts or folks who didn’t fit in, which was pretty cool. They liked me as well and I always had my own fan club, or entourage if you will. That went over like a lead balloon as well, but hey – I’m an entertainer !

RayaHope's avatar

I was so shy when I was in grade school (1st grade) that I was too afraid to even let the teacher know that I needed to go to the bathroom. I would hold it in until I couldn’t anymore. Then the puddle on and under my chair traumatized me even further. When someone finally noticed I felt like I was gonna die and wished I would. I would get up out of my desk and just walk out of the classroom to find my brother outside while he was at recess because he was the only person I knew at the time. I didn’t talk to anyone and my parents never even tried to help me. I was held back and I also ended up retaking the first grade. Looking back, I don’t know how I kept going because that was such a horrible time of loneliness, despair, and grief.

I know some may ridicule me for this and wonder why I even made this public. All I can say is I felt like I wanted to share anyway. I am sorry if any of you may feel less of me now.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

Stop beating yourself up over shit happened years ago. You seem pretty well adjusted and bubbly to me! So cheer up! Yo, I went to the zoo the other day, they had the biggest damn leopard you ever saw. Found out later it was an elephant with measles. So I installed a skylight ceiling in my apartment right? The land lord thought it was pretty cool..But my upstairs neighbors went ballistic. And now I patiently to be modded.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@RayaHope A friend, a shy hispanic girl, had the same problem. She peed her pants and I was so upset I talked to my mom about it at home.
She said me and the other girl can get up and go potty even if teacher got upset or said no, and she would handle the rest. Never happened again.
I still wonder how that little girl is today, it was heartbreaking. I could never think less of a child for that, so keep your head high.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

Wait patiently I meant. Stupid typos.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

You gotta go you gotta go, what the hell? We all have bodily functions. Bet the teach tales a whiz now and then as well. So onward thru the fog.

RayaHope's avatar

@KNOWITALL Thank you so much for this and what you did. My eyes are tearing up.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@RayaHope Because of your post, I’m going to try to find her and see how she’s doing. Hugs.

RayaHope's avatar

@KNOWITALL OH GOD I am so happy I can hardly type. You are an angel and I only wish I had someone like you back then. I pray she is okay, I am hoping so hard. I never thought this post could have a real positive impact like this. I’m crying so bad I have to stop.

JLeslie's avatar

@RayaHope Was that partly embarrassment? Were you embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom? Or, fear to ask for something? I’m just wondering what was in your five year old mind while you were holding it. Aw, I’m sorry you went through that.

In my first elementary school the bathroom was in the classroom in the very young grades, I don’t think we even asked the teacher to go, I don’t remember very well. I do remember when we moved to another state I thought it was odd to have to ask for a hall pass to go to the bathroom. It seemed like a much bigger deal in that school, like special permission to go to the bathroom, which I found very odd.

Demosthenes's avatar

I wasn’t particularly shy as a kid, and I think for the most part that had to do with the fact that I was always a very tiny kid and I compensated for it by making my personality bigger (and shielding myself against bullying, since I was in many ways an ideal target—even then I couldn’t avoid it entirely). But there was a girl I went to school with from kindergarten through 5th grade who never spoke a word in class and became notable for it (she had one friend she would talk to and she would talk to teachers in private, but never speak in front of anyone else). When we finally did hear her talk in a pre-recorded presentation in 4th grade (we all had to give presentations and she had recorded hers at home), I heard her accent (she was from Poland and learning English, something I imagine contributed to her hesitancy to speak) and it made me wish she would speak more because to me it seemed like she had nothing to hide. People always said she was “shy” and I’m sure that she was, but it was more than that. In either case, I still keep in touch with her on social media to this day and she seems to be doing well and functioning normally so that experience probably just seems like a distant memory, but I’ll never forget it.

@RayaHope If anything, I think more of you now.

RayaHope's avatar

@JLeslie I was embarrassed and afraid of what others would think. I felt like I didn’t want any attention because attention at home would equal (what I now know is) abuse. My young mind was so full of fear I think at times I would leave my body and just shut down. If I didn’t eat everything on my plate I would be yelled at, called names, slapped, and made to stand in time out in a corner for what seemed like hours. This happened so often that I thought this was how everyone lived.

RayaHope's avatar

@Demosthenes I am so happy that she turned out okay and your keeping in touch with her is just amazing! {{{HUGS}}} xoxo

KNOWITALL's avatar

@RayaHope I’m so sorry. I hope you are independent now so you can get therapy or at least peace.

Psychology really helped me avoid the pitfall’s of life in a constructive way. One of the reasons I chose not to have children is my anger issues from childhood trauma.
It really affects your life in ways you may not imagine so I hope you read about it. :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Not me. Not my grandkids.

RayaHope's avatar

@KNOWITALL thankfully those days are behind me and I have been working through it. A long road but I am still young and look forward to better times. I think I have come to the fact that this was NOT my fault, but it was hard to see that for a long while. I think this may have had something to do with the eating disorder I was told I had. I’m getting better all the time.

JLeslie's avatar

@RayaHope It’s completely understandable why you were afraid. That makes me wonder how often shy children are actually in abusive environments at home. I do think some children are simply born shy and some outgoing, but there are outside influences too.

I am so thankful I was never forced to eat all of the food on my plate (I would have HATED my parents for it, I would have felt tortured). I hate hearing when people endured that.

Overall, my parents were very liberal (not strict) with us, although they did scream constantly, which was not a great environment. I still had fears and worries of embarrassment in my little mind. I think children need reassurance that what they are doing is ok, but in actuality kids are told all day long what to do and how to do it and what they can do, ugh, it is a barrage of corrections, and if not handled well kids can easily be traumatized into being paralyzed.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I was a class clown and knew everyone’s name.

RayaHope's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 We had one of those guys in my fourth grade. He could even make the teacher laugh.

Pandora's avatar

Unfortunately, shy children always give off the vibe to others that they want to be left alone. I wasn’t too shy but I often had my moments of wanting to be left alone. I did have a problem walking home and looking at peoples eyes when I hit my early teen years because I had zits.

I could go from talkative to strangers and vibrant when a topic interested me to leave me alone. I especially wanted to be left alone a lot during my high school years. At the time my father was very ill so I would go into fits bouts of sadness because I knew his days were not going to be many. My sister was very shy and she either came off as being aloof or just sweet. She finally overcame it in College.

As for yourself, please stop apologizing for being human. We all navigate life differently. Nobody has the book titled, “How to be a perfect human being” because it doesn’t exist. Apologies are only needed when you purposely harm someone. Even Ghandi could be an ass.

I don’t know if you believe in God or not, but my dad use to tell me to hold my head high because God doesn’t make junk. You, my dear, are made the way you are supposed to be. That doesn’t mean we are not meant to improve upon ourselves or help others. That is part of our beautiful design. Humans are flawed as heck but I think those flaws are what help us to grow and change. If we were all perfect, life would be so f-ing boring.

By the way. People never really know what love is until they learn to love themselves. Not like a narcissist loves themselves. I mean you see your flaws (not physically) and you learn to try to improve them.
Like I know mine isn’t that I am not always kind or willing to go the extra mile to help someone if I feel it’s inconvenient at the time. I can be selfish. I accept that about myself and understand its my flaw and I try to remember to be less selfish. At the same time, a little bit of selfishness is necessary sometimes because some people can drain your energy.

I’m sure some people on fluther could name others. Like my novels. LOL. I try to see my flaws as best I can but sometime its hard seeing them from the inside.

Your flaw is you are too hard on yourself. You can vent or seek help. It is always your right. It’s not your shyness that is your real issue. I’m no therapist. But for my two cents, I think you learned somewhere along the way that it’s wrong to want things or ask for them. It’s wrong to expect things. But never wrong to ask.

RayaHope's avatar

@Pandora Are you sure you’re NOT a therapist cause you seem to know me better than I do AND that is a compliment! When I was younger I did want for things but was never given them so I stopped trying. I “got used” to not asking for anything and when my parents did give me anything it was like they were doing me a favor and like I really didn’t deserve what little I got.

I see you and others here have told me to stop apologizing for my faults but it is hard to. I feel I could, and should be better than I am I have been beaten down from such a young age it is hard to get up to what I should be. I may be rambling again since it is past my bedtime and I am tired. I believed in God when I was little but he never saved me and over a long time I stopped believeing maybe that was wrong but with all that I went through I couldn’t.

Sorry I am really tired to continue tomorrow I need sleep now thank you

SnipSnip's avatar

I was shy until adulthood.

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