General Question

Nimis's avatar

Do you have a pattern to the people you date or are attracted to?

Asked by Nimis (13130points) September 19th, 2008

Or even with the friends that you make?
Is there a pattern to it? If so, what is it?
Where do you think it comes from?
Do you try to break it or are you perfectly okay with it?
What (if anything) do you think this pattern says about you?
This is sort of related to this question, but in a much broader sense.
And without any given assumptions.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

34 Answers

ezraglenn's avatar

Yes. I like them all.

augustlan's avatar

Interestingly enough, I did have a dating pattern: tall, thin, good preppy boys…mostly “pretty boys”, though of all races and religions. However, all 3 of the men I have loved in my lifetime have broken that pattern wildly. I think I had a notion of what my “type” was, and was just dead wrong!

trudacia's avatar

I am always attracted to tall, well built men with shaved heads. It almost doesn’t matter if they are “handsome”. Tattoos and muscles are a plus.

Actually, tall is not that important either…it’s the bald head!

Nimis's avatar

Aug: Sometimes you just have to throw it all out the window!

Tru: Where do you think that pattern comes from?
Do you think your first boyfriend sets the tone?
Or was the tone there before your first boyfriend?

tWrex's avatar

Aye! I only be friends with people that be as big o’ a jackass as I be, OR who support me jackass-ness and/or encourage it. Arrrgh, things don’t usually work out well for me when we hang out.

trudacia's avatar

@nimis, that’s a “chicken or the egg” question. Two out of three of my true loves fit the description. My first love did not but I was very young at the time. I just don’t know…

Nimis's avatar

True…unless maybe the chicken had a dad who was a tall (relative to other chickens),
well-built chicken with a shaved comb? Okay, I’m totally stretching here…

deaddolly's avatar

i like the tall, gothic looking types. tats, piercings, long black hair, pale skin.
i am drawn to ppl like myself, into alternative things. I do have friends who are quite ‘straight’ looking tho, we just do different things together.

Nimis's avatar

I’ve noticed as I get older, my patterns are shifting from physical and interests to priorities. Has anyone had the same experience? Or do your physical and interests patterns also tend to line up with your priorities?

Nimis's avatar

I also tended to be attracted to crazy people…significant others and friends.
I’m not sure what that says about me…

trudacia's avatar

@nimis, I’m talking initial, physical attraction. Something else needs to be there.

I agree that when I was younger, the physical may have been enough…not sure what you mean by “priorities”.

Nimis's avatar

Tru: I know…I’m not saying people who have physical patterns are somehow more superficial.
That’s just the initial reaction that leads to more in-depth getting-to-know you.
The interest to know if there is something there.

Nimis's avatar

Though, in context, priorities are superficial too.
Just because I have the same priorities as someone else,
it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is that extra something there.
It’s just a different initial screening process.
One that I’m not quite used to yet.

Emilyy's avatar

There’s some quote that’s like, “Among the people I like, I can find no common factor. Among those I love I can—they all make me laugh!”

That’s it.

clairedete's avatar

I tend to date assholes. and a trend in friends is people who I would consider to be above me in social status. both of these things are things I would like to change but don’t know how.

Nimis's avatar

Claire: It sounds simple enough. But I think it’s a huge step to realize you even have those patterns.

marinelife's avatar

I had patterns. Like most people, mine came from the dinosaur brain. I did a lot of work making my choices conscious.

Like augustlan, my husband broke every “rule” I had at the time for guys I wanted to date. When it’s real, rules go out the window.

Nimis's avatar

Mari: Dinosaur brain. Ha.

charliecompany34's avatar

yeah, ok, i admit. i’m married, but i have always been attracted to women who are, well, sexy and mysterious in a quirky kind of way. they are always brown or tan with great eyes and like a good beer or two or three or four. not so much “loose,” but “carefree” and risky combined with frisky. they are “flirty,” but have limitations. they always seem to have things in common with me. most of these relationships have always been platonic, but just as well could have gone other directions.

Nimis's avatar

Char: Risky and frisky are a good combination.
So your patterns for significant others and platonic friends are the same?

charliecompany34's avatar

uh yes.

well, except for one or two. one such platonic partner did not fit the above physical details at all. she had all the “fun and frolic,” but not the, well, look. just goes to prove it’s really about the personality more than the “look.”

guess i seek outward personality as the pattern.

tWrex's avatar

Hey that dinosaur brain comment hurt… Not cool people… Not cool.

jca's avatar

i like smart men with wide, built shoulders and a nice but. i like sense of humor too. i don’t like a guy who thinks he’s good looking (if he is).

for my friends, i have a lot a lot of people i’m casually friends with at work, i smile a lot and make good small talk, and i have to say i’m pretty popular. for my good friends, i have only two and they both have very little in common. one has been my best friend pretty much my whole life and one i met at work about 13 years ago and we both still work for same county, different departments, so work/union issues add to our friendship.

sarapnsc's avatar

It’s odd, but I don’t have a certain pattern (type) of friends…I’ve dated men in all shapes and sizes, with different backgrounds, this includes my friends as well, (male & female). I guess, I go on character and personality.

One thing I have to have a must on is good teeth. If you don’t have good teeth, I don’t care how good looking, or what kind of personality you have. Also, I am attracted to men with red hair for some reason, I love red hair. Go figure.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Weird. I like ‘em weird. If they dress different, I’m attractted. If they’re hair or facial features are not what the normal people would call attractive, I probably think they’re attractive.
They’re personality has to be weird, too, though.
I’ve been attracted to people who LOOK seemingly normal but are the weirdest people I’ve met.

Nimis's avatar

It’s really fun hearing everyone’s patterns. So different!
Do most people find that their closest friends and/or husband/wife breaks the patterns?

Sara: Do you have a pattern for types of personality?
Anee: Do you think you have a harder time picking out people who dress weird, but are normal? Or the people who dress normal, but are weird?

marinelife's avatar

@tWrex How insensitive of me! I am so sorry.

Nimis's avatar

So insensitive, Marina. Tsk.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@nimis, I’m not sure actually. I know it’s a lot more exciting when I find a normal-dresser who is weird than vice versa!
I’ve also found that sometimes the people who dress weird tend to be the bad kind of weird that I don’t like.

tWrex's avatar

It’s ok… I’ve cried my tears.

Jreemy's avatar

I feel I seem to be attracted to women with similar traits. My attraction tends to lean toward women with a pale complection, typically asian, and darker or oddly colored hair. This is just in the looks category. Personality is a “whole ‘nother story.” I tend to befriend, as well as be attracted to, people who are: intelligent, have similar interests, aren’t rude, and have a darker sense of humor.

I suppose this pattern comes from trying to make friends long enough and finding out what works when doing so. Plus it makes predicting reactions a bit easier, that way you are not constantly performing more of a balancing act than is necessary.

What do I think this says about me? I like to do what works. My humor is either nerdy or sometimes may not be taken like I intend it. This is why I have friends who get that kind of humor. The whole attraction thing though? I haven’t the slightest on that one.

jeffnearlife's avatar

I’ve had three relationships that lasted over 6 months with women who’s names start with M’s. I wouldn’t say that they had anything in common physically, other than one physical feature that really stood out for me. With the first one, it was big breasts…the second one, it was a robust booty, and with the 3rd one, it was a petite figure that was just a lot of fun to be around :)
The main thing they’ve had in common was confidence.

oratio's avatar

Yes, confident women are sexy. I care what I have sex with, but I doesn’t matter much in a relationship. There is something sexy in everyone. What matters is the person. If she is confident and makes me laugh, I can love her, and that makes me wanna make babies.

SeventhSense's avatar

Well the one common denominator in all my fucked up relationships has been me.
This of course being the proof that there is a conspiracy of people who don’t understand me. :)

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther