If your jeans ad promised that they would "fit and flatter you all day long" what might they say to you?

That I wouldn’t have a saggy butt after a couple of hours. But I always do.

Advertising bullshit!

Especially the “flatter you all day” – thank you, but I don’t want my jeans talking to me every five minutes – “Hey, you look great!”.

Give me a pair that fits well and lasts as long as I want it to.

That I would put them on, be able to button them, and they’d talk out my ass all day long.

My stretchy jeans would go, after a few months, “that’s stretching it a bit too much, mate!”

That they were mass produced tat made by slave labour.

“Betty Crocker wishes she had Bunz like yours”

“Are those tan lines or a landing strip?”

Having a fit: “I’m flatter than I was when you put me on.”

“These jeans will make your butt look fat.”

“You look like a fuckable piece of meat.”
Every 5 minutes.