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Anonymous97's avatar

Does anybody have any advice?

Asked by Anonymous97 (10points) 1 month ago

I’m a 25-year old female. I live in the middle of nowhere, so far away from the world I am extremely lonely. I have no friends. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m still a virgin. I’ve never been in a real relationship or had a real job. People treat me so differently because I have Asperger’s. I feel like my life is over.

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13 Answers

LuckyGuy's avatar

Even in the middle of nowhere there are things to do.
Do you have a job? If no, get one. If you can’t, then volunteer. Start looking today.
There are organizations all around you that can use your help.
Can’t find one? Do something on your on. Go for a walk and pick up trash,
Go to the local library and look at the announcement board. Go to the library and read. Exercise in the local park or community cent.

The point is to do something every day and be consistent! You will start to notice the same people and they will start to notice you. And, most magically, you will find they have similar interests, time schedules, living arrangements, and needs.
Do it!

Smashley's avatar

Welcome to fluther!

I’m pretty sure that by law, 25 is the new 18, so don’t beat yourself up. Your life is not at all over, you’re just comparing yourself to what you imagine other people are like, They aren’t. They are sadder, more lost, more depressed, and more medicated than you think.

Think of it this way, you’re young, and don’t have kids. Get your head right, build up some courage, and there are TONS of things you can do with your life.

Being a virgin and not having a job can become white elephants. The more time you spend worrying about them, the more impossible they seem. I didn’t learn to drive until 22, and I thought I was the worst, more terrified driver on the road. Now, all that fear is a distant memory, and I’m better than most drivers.

Nothing will change your world like a job, though. Since you probably crave life experience as well, I recommend you look around for a seasonal job somewhere, like a National Park. You will get a change of scenery, a new peer group, probably sex, income, and start to see the world from other perspectives, which is really what you need. What we are capable of is limited only by our imagination, and you need some new inputs.

LadyMarissa's avatar

Read this about James Durbin who not only had to deal with Asperger’s, but also had Tourettes. He says it’s important to just be yourself & don’t worry what others think. I find that true about most things in life. James was on American Idol a good number of years back & now he is famous for his music. He talks about how lonesome he was when he was younger. You might want to do some further research on him to learn more about his life & how it might relate to yours.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being different. YOU just need to find a unique way to use your abilities!!!

BTW…welcome to Fluther!!!

RayaHope's avatar

OMG you and I have so much in common it isn’t funny. Most here know my struggles so I won’t go into them here, but I will PM you and then we can talk if you want to. I am younger than you at 17 but I do know what you are going through or at least I have a good idea.

Blackwater_Park's avatar

Your life is just beginning. I certainly recall that “life is over feeling” from being young and facing adulthood. I do feel our institutions have created that feeling in young people. It’s not unusual. That said, 25 is a great age to start down a path to define your future. What would you like to do, where would you like to be? Now what is in your way of getting there? Is it education? Experience? It can be hard to move forward with people around you who think differently but you can. Do you like school? Is there a local Community College near you? Many states it’s free. Doing that would get you started down some sort of a career path and get you networking with others.

HP's avatar

Believe me, we’re ALL different and you can bet that every one of those people who treats you “differently” carries their own set of insecurity demons. As a practical matter, of course you don’t have a boyfriend if you’re isolated in the middle of nowhere with boys as common as diamonds in a box of . cornflakes. What should you expect? You’re 25. So take it from someone who like yourself did not appreciate just how priceless that advantage is. It is the great single advantage that to this date MONEY CAN’T BUY. And there is an advantage to loneliness, or rather there should be. How can I put this? I don’t want to imply that you are better off, but it can be ideal to introspection. And you need only glance at your television news involving interpersonal relationships to quickly appreciate that loneliness is preferable to so MANY of the hazards inherent in achievement toward its opposite. So stand up and take heart. Trust me, Asperger’s or not, at 25, THE WORLD IS YOURS, whether you believe it or not. Take a lesson from Trump and act like it. You’ll never be lonely again, though you might well long for the sad serenity loneliness can be.

LuckyGuy's avatar

FYI Elon Musk grew up with Asperger’s Syndrome. Interview summary

Blackwater_Park's avatar

So did Bill Gates

seawulf575's avatar

Having lived in the middle of nowhere in my past, I know that it takes a certain mindset. Not everyone can handle it. Asperger’s adds a different level of consideration, one I’m not as familiar with. But let me ask: What led you to live where you are living? What do you want life to look like for you? These two questions can lead to several others that may help you find a way out of the situation you believe you are in.

RocketGuy's avatar

Join a hiking club e.g. Sierra Club 20–30’s Singles. It’s outdoors. They usually break up into small groups as they go. You aren’t forced to mingle if you don’t want to.

wearemiracles's avatar

I hope I can say something useful for you. I will try my best and take some time to think of the answer. If it doesn’t resonate with you then just trust that I meant well.

I very much understanding the feeling of loneliness. I also very much understand what it’s like to be an outcast with no friends. I also understand what deprivation, isolation and even suicidal ideation is like. I understand what its like to not know intimacy. I understand what its like to have to work had and not feel like a real contributing member of society because everyone else has “real” jobs. Or to not have any job. I understand what its like to know as well as everyone that there’s something wrong with you which alienates you from everyone. And I understand what its like watch the years go by and realize its not fixing itself.

This is where a certain directed effort comes in. I’m not saying you lack effort. I’m saying it may lack direction. I had the attitude that life will take care of itself. Well, it does but its not that simple. You see at a young age we are filled with false ideas about ourselves and the world and life and what life is about.

For some this takes the form of a certain conviction that joy and happiness is to be found in certain worldly things such as material possessions, social status, or pleasure. This is an unfortunate path to end up on and most in the world I think end up on this path. Chasing happiness in the world of lots of fancy things and other people.

For others, ignorance leads them down a path of turmoil. This seems unfortunate at first but they in a way are the lucky ones. Because it is much more likely for them to see the futility of this false pursuit of happiness. Also, that turmoil is what drives personal growth. Nobody ever attained character in comfort. Personal character is forged in hardship, turmoil, adversity and calamity. But it depends on whether you overcome it or succumb to it.

I can say this truthfully, you have no idea what a valuable opportunity it can be to be isolated in the middle of nowhere and alone. I’m not saying “don’t be ungrateful for your problems”. As I said, I know how much they can hurt and how hopeless it can seem. But the very simple fact that you are on this site, asking this question, is already an indication in my mind that there is something in store for you of true value. What it is I can’t say. Only you can figure it out.

Practical advice for your situation:
1. Keep your attention focused on what it is you think you want out of life. Study it. Even follow it but pay keen attention to it and whatever happens. I promise you that there is information and lessons and truths in every single thing in life if only we can locate it and decipher it. And we do that with something called attention. Learn the art of attention and the powers of awareness to uncover the secrets of life.

2. Invest your emotion in longing for love in animals. They are far less treacherous, hostile and destructive than humans. You will necessarily need to experience this at some point when you’re ready but in the mean time keep your heart beating and alive by loving animals. Otherwise it will wither and life will become dark and bleak and lose all of its magic.

3. Try grab hold of your attention and point it at yourself rather than the world and the things you lack and the longing for companionship. The outward direction is the default for the mind. In fact you will at some point discover how the mind intentionally runs away from self knowledge by not only chasing things in the world but actually creating and perpetuating problems and lack and turmoil. It takes deliberate conscious effort to turn that around and study yourself. Your mind and thinking habits. Maybe learn a bit about psychology or if you have the means do psychotherapy or something like that. But learn how your psyche works.

4. Develop your ability to feel. As a women you have one advantage over us men in that your ability to feel is much more intense. The world of feeling is far more important than your thought space. And you explore that world by relaxing skeletal muscles and breathing. I shit you not.

5. Learning how to breath is a benefit to every single thing in your whole life. Including all the things I mentioned.

6. Learn physical relaxation. Like progressive relaxation or just pay attention to your body and muscles and posture.

7. Remember that your most powerful tool is just attention or focused silent awareness. And that when we are speaking, that attention is diluted with thought.

Good luck

Rachid's avatar

Here are some tips that can be drawn from our daily practices.

Be consistent: Make an effort to do something every day, whether it’s going to the library or exercising in the park. This can help you build habits and routines, and you may start to notice other people who have similar interests and schedules.

Seeking guidance: If you are facing challenges or seeking direction, it can be helpful to talk to someone who has experience or expertise in the area. For example, a priest may be able to offer spiritual guidance.

Be persistent: If you are interested in pursuing a career in biotechnology, it may be challenging at times. However, it is important to give it a chance and to be persistent, even when things get difficult.

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