General Question

RayaHope's avatar

Why would a 12 year old girl NOT tell a 18 year old guy her age?

Asked by RayaHope (7297points) 1 month ago

Even after he started hitting on her and then also except his snap. What could she possibly be thinking? She’s not even a teenager yet!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

37 Answers

janbb's avatar

She was probably enjoying the attention and not really thinking it was harmful.

JLeslie's avatar

She’s only 12. She probably doesn’t really understand what’s going on.

NoMore's avatar

He must be a moron if he can’t see she’s a child .

janbb's avatar

@NoMore jca explained in the other question that she was very developed for her each. My friend’s sister would get hit on when she was 10.

NoMore's avatar

Good God. Women go thru a lot of crap. @janbb

janbb's avatar

^^ Well, duh!

cookieman's avatar

She was enjoying the attention in some way. Maybe it made her feel grown up and didn’t want to ruin the moment.

Young girls are shown/sold so much about ‘prince charming” and such, it could have been a bit of that as well.

seawulf575's avatar

She was trying to be grown up. I had an19 yo friend that met a girl at a party. She was very pretty and was interested in him. They began talking and over a few days talked on the phone and then set up a date. He went over to her house to get her. Her dad let him in and began talking with him. He asked my friend if he knew the girl was only 13? He didn’t…it had never come up and she didn’t look or act 13. Needless to say, he left without the girl.

SnipSnip's avatar

You’ve already asked about this. My first thought on this particular point is that there is no reason to if the guy is unknown to her.

jca2's avatar

I try not to judge the actions of a 12 year old with my 50-something year old eyes. What is clear and logical to me may not be clear and logical to a 12 year old. Even you, @RayaHope at 17 or 18 or however old you are, even if you are just a few years older than 12, are a lot smarter than a 12 year old.

Maybe the 18 year old caught her off guard, too.

Maybe she’s not used to talking to guys and responding to them.

Maybe she’s flattered by the attention, as some have said.

I know when I was 12, I was not used to talking to guys and I would have been flattered by the attention. I don’t know. I can’t judge a child through my mature eyes.

He told her his name on snap but she didn’t accept anything on her phone. She said ok and she ran back to us and they were all laughing.

I think if I were 12, I would have done the same thing. “OK” and then run back to the friends and giggle.

RayaHope's avatar

@jca2 I have a sister that’s 12 and I know she wouldn’t lead on a man like that. She would probably tell him she’s only 12 and to “Leave me alone you perv, before I tell my mom!” Or something to that effect. At least I sure hope so, she’s a little more sensible than some I suppose at her age. She knows enough to stay within her age group especially when out in public.

jca2's avatar

@RayaHope that’s great that your sister is so smart. Not everyone is the same, which you will learn as you grow older and mature.

smudges's avatar

So many girls are simply inexperienced and naive when it comes to interactions with men. Some are flattered, some are scared, some, sadly, have had experience and have been so sexualized that they may flirt because they think that’s how to get love or approval.

When I was 13 I took swim lessons at the YMCA. One time, while waiting for my mom to pick me up, an older guy – at least 25, maybe older – was sitting in the lobby also. I don’t remember what was said exactly, but I do remember him asking me if I had a boyfriend, saying that I was pretty and should have one, and did I want to go out on a date with him. About that time my mom came through the door. She must have known something was up because she looked at me, then looked at him, then back at me and asked if I was ready. I said yes and we left. In the car, she asked me if he had been talking to me and what he said and I told her. I was pretty naive – I knew that stuff went on between men and women but that was all. I was pretty developed for 13, and while I felt sort of uncomfortable talking to the man, I was also flattered.

As an example of how naive I was and how my mom didn’t explain things: Once when Mom and I were driving home from piano lessons I saw a ‘cow’ playing ‘piggy-back’ with another cow. I pointed it out and Mom just said, “They’re not playing piggy-back.” and that was all she said.

So, I’m guessing there are a number of reasons why a girl wouldn’t tell her age. Also, she simply may not see it as relevant. I wouldn’t have had the courage to stand up to anyone when I was 12. I’d be one of those you read about on the news who disappeared.

jca2's avatar

@smudges I remember when I was 14, there was a guy in the neighborhood who was in his 40’s. He knew I was just a teenager. I was sitting in front of my friend’s building, waiting for her to come out, and the guy started talking to me and he said something like “let me know if you ever want to go to the movies.” I said “ok.” Not meaning OK, I want to go to the movies with you, meaning “ok I’ll let you know.” I wasn’t nervy enough to say how dare you, you know I’m only 14. So many times when I was younger, I missed clues that I would pick up now.

Once, when myi daughter was 12, we were walking on a city street, coming back from a play, walking to our car. There was a guy standing on the sidewalk who was probably in his 20’s. My daughter was in front of me. The guy said something to her and I said to him, “she’s 12.” He apologized and said have a good night, ladies or something stupid. I don’t think she even noticed him.

smudges's avatar

So scary, isn’t it? Sometimes I think it’s a miracle that any kids make it to adulthood. I should literally be dead with all of the risks I took. Just one example…I hitchhiked from CA to Louisiana with two 20 y.o. male college students I met on the road when I was 15. Ok, two examples…I used to hitchhike around Dallas in the middle of the night with a steak knife in my pocket, thinking I was safe. One night two ministers picked me up and took me home. Bless their hearts.

RayaHope's avatar

I think it was the abuse and tough life I had when I was starting out very young that made me so suspicious of men and anyone much older than me. If someone was nice to me I always figured there was a catch and many times there was. Being shy and pretty much scared of the whole world made matters even worse for me to trust anyone for a long time.

jca2's avatar

@smudges I used to take the bus from when I was around 10, and then I learned how to take the train and subway, starting around age 13. When I was little, like 2nd grade and up, I’d walk around the town I lived in, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend.

Now it’s totally different. My daughter, at 15, is just starting to be able to take a train with a group of friends, and that’s very limited, and with them all having phones. When I was her age, we had no phones, we just did our thing and got home when we got home. I also hitchhiked when I was around 14, sometimes with friends, once or twice by myself. It’s crazy.

Once when I was 18, my car ran out of gas and some guy picked me up, took me to a gas station and gave me a few dollars for gas. He didn’t ask for anything in return, he was really a Good Samaritan. It was around 9 at night and I was all alone – it was raining and dark. I was so lucky.

jca2's avatar

@RayaHope: “I have a sister that’s 12 and I know she wouldn’t lead on a man like that.” I don’t think of saying “ok” to a guy giving you his name on Snap as “leading him on.” Leading him on would be saying “hit me up” or “call me” or “yes, we’ll go out” or “I want to be with you.” Him saying “here’s my name on Snap” and her saying “ok” is not leading him on, to me.

Jonsblond's avatar

Why would an 18 year old male not question the age of a young girl?

Jonsblond's avatar

I’ve thought about this more. I think it’s unfortunate that you are fixating on the young girl as being at fault and not the male who is an adult.

Accept, not except

smudges's avatar

@RayaHope If someone was nice to me I always figured there was a catch and many times there was. Being shy and pretty much scared of the whole world made matters even worse for me to trust anyone for a long time.

I hope you’re able to process it and rid yourself of that distrust before you’re as old as I am. I’ve been like that for as long as I can remember. I’m still suspicious when someone is nice to me out of the blue. But if it’s a friend, I can accept it now, or if someone lets me in line ahead of them, that’s ok. But if I’m getting to know someone, male or female, and they do something nice for me for no reason, my warnings signals go up. “Danger, Will Robinson!” (You’re too young to appreciate the old Lost in Space series. lol) I was also scared of people into my 40’s. I’m better about it now, but still have problems with trust. I work on it and have small successes.

Jeruba's avatar

Maybe she thinks it’s none of his business. Doesn’t want to give him any personal information at all. Maybe at 12 she doesn’t want to let on how vulnerable she is. She would not be thinking like a parent, a cop, or an 18-year-old guy.

RayaHope's avatar

@Jonsblond First of all the young girl (according to the OP) looks a lot older than her age which I’m sure she already knows. Second I’m sure this is not the first time something like this has happened. Third I believe this girl is using this to her advantage, possibly for attention maybe for manipulation, maybe she just likes being a tease. I don’t know, but I do know she could have easily stopped any problem very quickly without prolonging this and making the guy look like a fool or pervert.

Now I’m not sticking up for the guy at all, he could have asked her for her age before things began to go anywhere also. Maybe he was assuming too much and the old saying boys will be boys don’t excuse his manners. Wrongs were committed on BOTH sides here so don’t just blame one without blaming the other. I still think the girl should have stopped this first knowing how guys are or at least can be.

sorry for my word usage :(

jca2's avatar

@RayaHope: ” I still think the girl should have stopped this first knowing how guys are or at least can be.” The poiint everyone is making is that a 12 yaer old doesn’t know how guys are or at least could be. She’s 12.

jca2's avatar

This is why, legally, the 18 year old is responsible for this type of stuff but the 12 year old isn’t. A 12 year old isn’t expected to know better. The 18 year old is (and risks jail time and a life as a sex offender status).

JLeslie's avatar

@RayaHope Most young girls don’t really understand how “guys are.”

They wear sexy clothing and reassure their parents they aren’t doing anything. That might very well be true, they aren’t doing anything, but even thinking of doing anything, but they don’t understand men.

How many 14 year olds did I sell thong underwear to who just wanted no panty lines. Their moms there with them half the time. I used to work for Calvin Klein underwear.

My husband thinks a woman wearing thong underwear wants to have sex. Not that he would ever do anything aggressive, but just saying young girls and women often are very naive, because mentally they are not thinking in terms of doing anything sexual.

The 18 year old is acting inappropriately. He is responsible both legally and morally.

12 is very young. 6th grade maybe.

jca2's avatar

@RayaHope When you say “I believe this girl is using this to her advantage, possibly for attention maybe for manipulation, maybe she just likes being a tease.” that’s assigning a lot of malicious ideas to a 12 year old. Legally, mentally and emotionally she’s a child. She’s not a Jezebel. She’s wearing a huge sweat shirt and sweat pants, no makeup on. She’s not “dressed to impress” and she’s not flirting.

Jeruba's avatar

@jca2, I think this is your first mention of what she was wearing. In my mind that would have made a difference.

janbb's avatar

@jca2 I really don’t think any blame needs to assigned to anyone in this scenario as others have seemed to do. Since no one other than the girl heard the guy, it could easily have been fairly innocent joking or flirting on the guy’s part since he didn’t know how old she was. I just think it’s a teaching moment for the 12 year old whichever way you decide to handle it. I also think about how we can teach girls to protect themselves without making them scared of every man they encounter.

I tend to agree with Kropotkin that it’s kind of a tempest in a teapot at this point unless you want to speak to the girl and feel you have to talk to the parents with her.

smudges's avatar

What could she possibly be thinking? She’s not even a teenager yet!

Exactly! You’re making a lot of assumptions about her – that she’s a tease and likes being one, that she’s manipulative, that she ‘knows’ how she looks, and that this has happened before and she likes the attention. The development guides I looked at linked her age with 6 year olds, as in ages 6–12. It’s on him, but that’s not to say he’s a pervert or a youngster- chaser. He’s only 18, and humans aren’t fully mature brain-wise until age 24–25. He saw an attractive girl and either she didn’t look so young to him or he wasn’t thinking.

Give her a break. She’s not a Jezebel, she’s a child!

jca2's avatar

@Jeruba I am mentioning now what she was wearing becaues the statements by @RayaHope are that she was leading him on, was a tease, etc., so I’m pointing out that her clothing was not anything that was sexy in any way.

JLeslie's avatar

Just to clarify, I didn’t mean to
imply or assume anything about what someone was wearing, it was just examples. I live where girls are half naked half of the time in the land of sunshine and palm trees and I think it’s just fine.

My only point was young girls don’t usually know that they need to be wary of men, especially men that don’t look much older than them. They can be taken by surprise when things get out of hand.

Bad men will go after girls dressed any which way, they could be covered head to toe.

RayaHope's avatar

@ALL Since I’m taking a lot of heat for my answers here, I thought I’d do something I hope I don’t regret. Since this is very personal, I posted on my home page at the top my reason for my thoughts. It is only gonna be there for a short time and I can only ask you don’t copy it and I will take it down soon.

janbb's avatar

@RayaHope Thanks for the trust in posting that. Creeps exist at all ages and genders.

RayaHope's avatar

@janbb Certain topics cut deep and I get a little triggered. I have a hard time controlling that. Perhaps with age and experience I’ll do better.

smudges's avatar

@RayaHope I didn’t see what you wrote, but wanted to pass this along to you.

I have lots of skeletons in my closet and I used to get sooo triggered for years. It wasn’t until my 50’s that one of the skeletons stopped torturing me daily. The others have faded so they’re in the background nowadays. I don’t mean to turn this around to me, I just want to encourage you and support you. It does get better.

The main reason it took so long with me is because I drank and used drugs in a somewhat successful attempt to ignore the pain. I trust that you won’t do that, based on what I know of you. Therapy doesn’t work well when someone is constantly stuffing down the pain that therapy is supposed to be exposing and helping.

I encourage you to go to therapy when you’re psychologically able (as I understand that you do), but feel free to take a break from it for months or even a year when you need to. Trust your “self”. Stick with it and you’ll come out on the other side even smarter and brighter than you are now. <3 feel free to tell me to shut-it, seriously

Kraigmo's avatar

Girls don’t owe guys any explanations.
If a 12 year old girl wants to be left alone, she shouldn’t have to say it. She can just ignore the idiots that come on to her.

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