General Question

Dig_Dug's avatar

How do you move on from a horrible tragic event?

Asked by Dig_Dug (4249points) 2 months ago

Generally speaking, what steps should one take to get past such an experience? Whether directly involved or not, it can still affect someone so much that they have a hard time coping with it.

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19 Answers

Acrylic's avatar

Forgive and move on. Life’s too short to harp on the bad actions of others. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

janbb's avatar

@Acrylic Wow! I haven’t hard that since grade school! My father is under the ground with a tombstone.

@Dig Dug If you’re talking about the mass killing of school children, finding an outlet for political action might be the best way to work on your feelings. There are several gun sense organziations that you can join, including Everytown for Gun Safety and Moms Demand Action.

Dig_Dug's avatar

@janbb This has really got me upset. I just can’t get past this, I’ve been thinking of this all day. My eyes are so red my heart hurts

Forever_Free's avatar

Grieving is such a personal thing. There is no time measurement and you can fluctuate back and forth between the various stages of grief.
When I was in my late teens I was very close to someone and their family. The Father was killed in a small plane accident. Basically he went on a short trip and never came home. Pilot error added to the blame phase. The family members took years to come to terms. One member unraveled completely. It was when I read up on Grief.
Knowing the stages can help you understand what goes on
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 did groundbreaking work published in the book “On Death and Dying”. Her theory explained the process of grief over five distinct, linear stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Kubler-Ross’s work was revolutionary. They have since added 2 more stages.

Forever_Free's avatar

Also what @janbb stated is so important. Some thing that seem out of our control can still find purpose to direct your energy to help.
The parents of Sandy Hook are an example. Their focus on change is what helps them. It was so unfortunate what they have gone through and then what Alex Jones fuel falsehood’s on.
I am sorry that it is causing such grief for you.

kritiper's avatar

It’s like getting over a romance that you felt really strong about: Give it time! At least 6 months..

MrGrimm888's avatar

One step. Another step. Another. Repeat…
I’m not trying to oversimplify grief. But. We can take a page the Cockroach play book here. They cannot physically reverse. They can’t back up. They can only pivot left/right, or go forwards. And yet. They’ve survived so long in the history of life.
Or. Consider a car’s design. And why it’s designed in this way. The front windshield provides the biggest view. Then the side mirrors. And then there is the lone/tiny rear view. It’s important to be able to reflect on where you’ve been. But far more important to see where you’re going, and what’s around you…

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I let go of my grief when something worse happens. Sometimes I can forget. Doing something to help the situation might help. Like volunteering.

After the news reports on some new tragedy over an over I have learned that I am still alive and life goes on. I did an experiment where in February I stopped watching the news and I still get bad news seeping in to me..

If it’s really bothering you than I suggest starting a life in public service. Like running for government, or helping a honest politician get elected. Or you can run for community leader, and help teenagers get out of gangs or hate.

Therapy has never helped me other than to keep me distracted while time heals the wound.

SnipSnip's avatar

Stop talking about it and remember you are not the victim.

Pandora's avatar

@Dig_Dug, do you have young children? If so I can see how this may be a mixture of fear and sadness. I try to think of things like this as part of mental illness, because no one in their right mind would want to shoot anyone, much less children.

Of course there are just plain evil people in the world and it grows from selfishness.
I read the other day that almost 80 percent of people incarcerated in out jails grew up in foster homes. I can see what that would be. We are raising in society abandoned or abused children who grow up feeling the world hates them and they can only care about themselves because no one else does. And life is hell everyday.
If you want to be sad about something, be sad about this. As a society we are cultivating our crimminals.

Dig_Dug's avatar

@Pandora I grew up in an abusive home, I was abused as a child. But I never hurt a soul and I have so much empathy and sorrow for these poor kids that have to live with terror now for the rest of their lives. I know what that’s like, I lost my younger brother when he was only 9 years old. We were like best friends besides being family and it still hurts to this day.

Pandora's avatar

@Dig_Dug So this is hitting many points for you. And yes, not every abused child grows up to be an abuser or commit a crime but the point is that of those that do commit crimes many come from these kinds of backgrounds. So as a society, we are failing. We forget that children grow into adults.
So my point is for now we can at least try to rescue them before they get to the breaking point. As for just evil people, there isn’t much we can do for them but we can maybe not make it so easy for them to get guns in the first place. Maybe start with doing some psych evals on people before letting them own guns and get rid of AR 15.

Dig_Dug's avatar

@Pandora That would be a very good start. thank you!

JLeslie's avatar

Depends on the situation.

Usually, I need some time to grieve.

Eventually, I compartmentalize, and try to spend less time on being angry or upset, and more time on focusing on things I enjoy and things I can look forward to. Focusing on things you enjoy is very difficult if you are depressed, in fact nothing might be enjoyable if you are depressed. As I get older I’m better at still enjoying things even when other parts of my life suck. I don’t know if compartmentalization is the best way to cope or not.

Bad things happen to good people. Life is unfair. I have to remind myself.

If someone hurts me, I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes to reduce my anger through understanding. That only works for some situations.

I think I would be pretty terrible handling a variety of situations that I can think of. I’d seek out therapy and even medication if my anxiety or depression was acute enough. If I had friends and family to support me emotionally I would be incredibly grateful. I’ve had that in my life and I do not take it for granted. Everyone goes through bad events, there usually are people who want to help and want to understand.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Baby steps.

raum's avatar

Less moving on from. More moving on with. You carry it with you. You get used to the weight. Some days it will feel heavier. Some days you forget you’re holding it.

jca2's avatar

Sometimes, time heals wounds. Other times, therapy helps. For me, in my life, it depends on what it was that happened.

Blackwater_Park's avatar

It’s a personal thing. Some people can just move on with ease and others are traumatized for life. I tend to be the move on easily type.

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