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jca's avatar

Flutherites-Flutherians of all ages: do your parents get on your nerves?

Asked by jca (35989points) September 25th, 2008

I am 42 years old and my mother is still constantly telling me what i should do, could do, might do, might just do. it really gets on my nerves. i point it out to her when she does it, and i point out to her that i’m not stupid and i don’t need her telling me what to do. I am aware that she is very helpful to me in other ways and I do my best to tolerate her annoying ways, combined with telling her off on occasion. I am not looking for specific advice on my situation, necessarily. I am just curious if other adults out there have parents who annoy them in any way. What do the parents do that’s annoying and do you bite your tongue or do you handle it another way?

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42 Answers

Judi's avatar

Enjoy every irritating moment. When she’s gone you will wish you had her there to tell you what to do. Cherish what you have.

JackAdams's avatar

Not since they both died (1987).

Seesul's avatar

Same here. I miss them both very much. Wish I could have just one more dinner with them.

kevbo's avatar

My mom is the same way, although she’s gotten better since becoming a grandma. She’s also worse when it’s just her, me and my dad, but when it’s the two of us she’s a normal and pleasant person.

cak's avatar

Of course they do! It’s their job, just like it’s my job to get on my children’s nerves. I take it all in.

My father is in very poor health, so I just chalk it up to something that I can add to the funny list of things he’s said…it’s a long list. ;)

EmpressPixie's avatar

My mom still tells me what to do all the time and it gets on my nerves so much. But I also know that it is just her way and if she stopped I would probably miss it. And her because she’d probably be dead.

basp's avatar

I agree with others, all too soon your parents won ‘t be around to bother you so enjoy every annoying minute of them now while you have the chance.

deaddolly's avatar

My parents are both dead. My mother died in 1992 and i wish she were still here to nag me. Tho it can be a pain, they really do only want what THEY think is best for you. Trouble is, they get confused with what they always wanted for THEMSELVES.

I nag my daughter all the time. We argue. I try to keep things in perspective and realize her and I are two different people. Sometimes I mess up…and she let’s me know!

My advise to you would be to talk to her, tell her your feelings, but accept that’s her way of being a good mother. Even if your 102, she’d still be lookng out for you and trying to correct you. Everyone has to make their own mistakes; you can offer advice, but children need to make their own decisions. It’s hard for parents to watch tho.

gailcalled's avatar

My mother would still be making me batty if I hadn’t decided to change my way of reacting and responding. It took some therapy for me to be bludgeoned into believing that she was not going to change. My ma is not quite 102 (almost 94) but still can’t let things go – haircut, wet hair in an a/c room, “wear your coat; it’s cold outside.”

The technique that works for me is teasing. “Ma, I am dressed like this expressly to make you upset;” or “Ma, the ONLY reason I got this hair cut was to annoy you.” “Ma, I am sitting deliberately under the A/C with wet hair because I want to catch pneumonia.” I use a very light-hearted tone and she backs off.

sundayBastard's avatar

FUCK YES! My mother has always hated me and she always will…....but I love her ;) hee hee

Seesul's avatar

@gail. My dad did the coat thing, but lovingly. It always cracked me up because even when he wasn’t going out, he told me that he was going to get cold if I didn’t put a coat or sweater on. He was always buying me coats as well, and he had great taste, so I had no excuse. My mom was always making me sweaters as well. All of this strikes me as funny now, because it was in California, Hawaii and Arizona.

Humor and distraction work wonders as well.

gailcalled's avatar

Your parents sound nicer and saner. My mother assumed that if she was cold, hot, irritated by A/C, then we (her appendage daughters) felt the same way. She left my brother in peace.

(And what about stay out of the water for an hour after eating? 59 minutes and we would die of cramps.)

deaddolly's avatar

Yeah, that’s all old school parenting 101. lol And never sit on a cold sidewalk or you’ll get ‘lumps’. I was terrified of those….lmao.

Judi's avatar

Lumps?

deaddolly's avatar

Yeah, i think she meant “piles”. Which sounds just as lovely.

Judi's avatar

I am not sure what piles are either?

gailcalled's avatar

(hemorrhoids)

Judi's avatar

OHHHH! Now I get it. Silly me.

deaddolly's avatar

Yeah, I know it was some old wives tale. It’s all coming back to me now…my entire childhood.
The nuns told me not to wear patent leather shoes becasue they reflect up and show your underwear….

And ppl wonder why I am the way I am….lol

aanuszek1's avatar

14 years old, 15 in March. My parents bug the crap out of me.

Judi's avatar

dolly;
I’m sure there is a sweet little girl somewhere hiding behind the goth and tats. :-)

delirium's avatar

My parents and I actually get along really really well, although there are always times when I find them annoying. I think that’s part of life, no matter your age or friendship status with your parents.

Allie's avatar

Yeah, sometimes. Not often though. My mom and I get along like peanut butter and jelly. The only times I get kind of annoyed are when she tells me to do the same thing over and over again. On the other hand, my grandma and I don’t get along very well at all. She’s always got something negative to say. Our personalities don’t mesh well together.

tinyfaery's avatar

I have never been close with my parents, and as such, they stay out of my life…for the most part. Now, my mom just shakes her head when I get a new tattoo, and my dad, well, he’s never really payed attention to anything.

flameboi's avatar

alllllllllll the time

cyndyh's avatar

Mine do a lot of the same stuff they used to do, but I’m better at not letting it annoy me as much. It still does, but not as much. Let’s just say that distance is a really good thing in some cases.

Dorkgirl's avatar

My mom is going to be 80 in February and she’s not 100%. She’s doing really well overall, but when we talk on the phone she repeats things she told me 3 days ago, does not always seem to hear me when I speak, talks over me, etc. I get seriously bugged and then don’t want to call her for a while. But, I’m the only kid left so she needs me and my support, and I need her, too.
I have to remind myself that she won’t be with me forever, she’s old, and she’s entitled to a bit of dottiness. I also need to give myself permission to expres my frustration (usually to my husband) and get over it.
We have not always been the happiest of pairs, mom & I, but we try.

Knotmyday's avatar

My formula for a happy, healthy relationship with my parents is distance.

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
-George Burns

deaddolly's avatar

@judi Thank you…I like to consider myself a nice person. Never judge a book by it’s cover!

@dorkgirl tell her what you need to now. My dad went off to work one am, had a massive heart attack and died on the way to the hosp. I kept thinking of all the things I always wanted to tell him, but never did.

@knotmyday I could never imagine living in a different city than my daughter for good. I had to practically push her to go to college in another state. we’re 90 miles apart and talk more than we did when she’s home. We’ve always been really, really close.

Knotmyday's avatar

we still visit…

buster's avatar

My dad is a crazed republican. I work with him. I have to listen to Rush Limbaugh in the work truck and hear him rant about those dirty democrats, damn liberals, and that nigger Obama everyday. His words not mine. That gets on my nerves.

deaddolly's avatar

they’re from another generation. a stubborn one…

Knotmyday's avatar

dead, your avatar is scary.

Allie's avatar

Thank you, knotmyday! I thought the same thing when I first saw it.

Bri_L's avatar

My mother does. She decided that I should never get married because that would mean she wasn’t the most important person in the world. Then after 20 years, 3 not speaking at all, completely adopting another family who she sees on holidays and helped plan the wedding of and dotes on their children, she is trying to be nice. It is still fake however because every time I go along with it, like invite her to the house, she doesn’t follow through.

I get along great with my Dad.

Dorkgirl's avatar

deaddolly—thanks. I do speak with my mom weekly, sometimes more often. I love her and we can have fun together, but sometimes she’s just trying.
I, too have lost my dad and even though we knew it was coming, it was still hard. So, yes I tell her what she needs to hear and what I need to say.
My brother passed away in 2006. Having to deal with my mom all on my own is just a bit hard sometimes. It would be easier if there was someone to share this with and share her with. :)

augustlan's avatar

My mother did more than get on my nerves, she was very bad for my mental health. It’s much better now, since I don’t communicate with her any more.

deaddolly's avatar

my mother and i had many ups and downs. she referred to my 16th year as my black year. she tried to kill herself back then with my allergy pills. i remember them taking her away… Back then they told me she had such a strong personality, that if they tried to “fix her”, she would not be the same person. today, they’d have called her bi polar.
She made my sister move out thru the window, because she wouldn’t let her bf in the house, never went to her wedding. She hit my father over the head with a frying pan once.
I never understood any of that until I had my child…and my mom admitted to me that she never loved my father. her family and friends made her marry him. It all kinda clicked fo me them and I could see why she did some of the things she did.
She made me who I am today, which isn’t all that bad. She raised me on horror, which i love (my sister is the polar opposite) and made me independent. I’ve also remained single my whole life.
So, i guess what I’m trying to say is, you can’t choose your parents, you have to deal with what you’ve been given.
For all the nasty crap she put us thru, I wish she was here today—she died in 92. She had the best sense of humor…and I miss talking to her. It’s wierd not having your parents alive…enjoy them while they’re here.

girlofscience's avatar

Sometimes my mother’s phone conversations can get excessively long.

She can also nag sometimes.

That’s about it.

My father never annoys me.

Judi's avatar

Can I brag a bit about my mom?
She is 82, legally blind and has so much pain walking that she is having surgery on her back next week. She drove me nuts as a child because she was depressed most of the time. I remember her either at work or lying on the couch.
My Mother has had a very difficult life. Her husband died when he was 50 while 3 of her six children still lived at home. She graduated from high school after my dad died and has transformed herself. After rising up from being a housekeeper in the hospital she became a supervisor in the lab, training phlebotomists. Tragically, her youngest child became addicted to drugs and committed suicide by shooting himself in front of his girlfriend in a crank induced mania. My mom is a survivor.
When she retired she took off her name badge and put on a volunteer badge. If that were not enough she continued to be active in her church where she was one of the first Stephen Ministers, a program that trains lay people to assist the pastor with care and listening ministries. Later she opened her arms and her heart and became active in Church Women United, where she has served as president and secretary even though she is legally blind. She has become active in the League of Women Voters where she has served in more roles than I even know. She was active in ITC (International Training in Communications, formerly Toastmistress) and served as president of her local chapter.
I asked her once how she overcame the depression that overwhelmed her in my youth. She said it is still a constant struggle, every day.
This week, she will be honored with the Woman of Valor award from Church Women United. I couldn’t be more proud of my mommy. She is an amazing woman

deaddolly's avatar

@Judi She sounds wonderful! You have a right to be proud! I’ll send good thoughts her way – I hope her surgery is a success.

TheFonz_is's avatar

ive learned that vocalising the issues or not dont seem to work for at least 6 months, then my mum starts to realise and 6 months later she has forgotten it again :)

all i try to remember is that in 20 years i try and listen to my children when they frustrate me..

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