I tried lots of internet dating sites, and, in the end, I decided that most of the women in my age group (I’m 25) were just looking for reassurement that someone thought they were attractive, and not looking for a real, long-term relationship. I went on more than one date with a few of them, but nothing seemed to work out. I’m also under the impression that until we’re older, the dating ball is in the womens’ court. As a man, you’ll write all the emails and make all the first moves. I must have written ten or fifteen for every response I got. It’s very disheartening and very difficult to motivate yourself to continue writing emails, knowing full-well that it’s highly unlikely it will have any impact on whether or not she responds. I’m not an unattractive dude, so I’m not sure what the “trick” is here.
The best results I had through the internet was buying two concert tickets to a concert I want to go to. Then posting on craigslist saying something like :“I have two tickets to so-and-so. For you, the ticket is free, and I’ll take you out to dinner afterward. If you’re interested, send me an email with a picture of yourself”. It was more charming when I wrote those before though. I was able to find some reasonably well adjusted, attractive, friendly, women, with whom I already knew shared some of my tastes in music.
I tried “picking up some chicks” in a club, but that was pretty much a terrible idea. I was dancing with some woman all night. Then drove her home. Then kissed her in the car and got her phone number. I called back later and she said she had a boyfriend. Lame. So she just wanted to know that someone thought she was attractive too.
I was able to find my current girlfriend through a party put on by a mutual friend. It was a relatively safe environment to introduce myself, or be introduced. We were acquaintances for about two years before I asked her out to take some swing dancing lessons.
My girlfriend claims that she knew she’d like me when I took her out swing dancing because a) it showed I could be confident and comfortable being in control (swing dancing is a leader-follower dancing style), b) it’s an excuse to make physical contact, which makes going in for a first kiss less harrowing, c) it’s a good demonstration for the limits of your patience with both her and yourself, and d) you don’t have the pressure to be perfect at it, since you’re both learning something new, and having a pretty fun time sharing that with her.
I’ve also heard taking a girl out on a motorcycle is good for the same reasons, since she’ll need to wrap her arms around you, while you’re going to your first date. I don’t ride a motorcycle though, so I don’t know how good it is.
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