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hellothere1's avatar

How should i deal with over protective parents?

Asked by hellothere1 (4points) September 26th, 2008

my mom and dad have a very good relationship. but i feel like there keeping me in this little bubble at times. they only allow me to go out 1 night a weekend.. its just very difficult to have a social life. also i feel like they cant trust me. how can i regain that trust?

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12 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Welcome to the collective, hellothere1. A little more detail would be helpful here in formulating an answer that will really be useful to you.

For example, how old are you? You said “feel like they cant trust me.” Did you mean that you feel like they don’t trust you or did something happen that makes them feel like they cannot trust you? that was not quite clear.

hellothere1's avatar

a few things in the past makes them not trust me now. but its been a while, i thought they would regain it by now.

PIXEL's avatar

Tell them to trust you. Then show that you can be trusted. Then they will be less protective over time.

Celeste00's avatar

Move out. Worked for me.

JackAdams's avatar

How old are you? If you are over 18, say GOOD-BYE! and move out.

marinelife's avatar

It will not be instant. Sit down with them and tell them that you realize that some of your past actions led to their not trusting you (shows maturity). Tell them you appreciate the actions that they took at that time, and you understand why they became more restrictive of your activities.

Tell them that you have changed (give concrete examples like “I know I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I have made new friends.” or “I know it was a mistake to smoke dope, and I am not doing it ever again.” or whatever.).

Tell them that you would like an opportunity to regain their trust. Tell them you realize that it will take time. Ask them what small steps you and they might take together to make that happen. Ask, for example, if your curfew could move from 11 P.M. to 11:30 P.M. or ask if, since you have brought your grades up, you be allowed to go out both Friday and Saturday nights. Start by only asking for one change.

The stick to whatever you agree to with them for a while. If your curfew is loosened a little, make darn sure you are home by then. If they give you an extra night to go out, avoid the inquisition by offering to tell them where you are going, who you will be with, and when you will be home.

You get trust by being trustworthy. If this first step works, meet again with them in a month, and negotiate another loosening of the reins.

jca's avatar

when you say a few things happened in the past, it’s hard to assess whether they were minor things or major things. if they were major things then maybe your parents are justified in not trusting you just yet, maybe they’ll take time. if they were minor things then perhaps your parents are being overly strict. what are the few things you said happened in the past? if you don’t want to tell them that’s ok, but it would help you get some more accurate advice.

SpatzieLover's avatar

What’s minor to a teenager can be major to a parent.

jca's avatar

spatzie – you’re right about that one. plus with this question i also feel like there are two sides to every story. actually three sides.

JackAdams's avatar

I notice that the questioner has not told us her age.

Why not?

jca's avatar

good point jack – age 14 would be a whole different story than age 18.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@jca I agree on both GREAT points you added.

Hellother, do you have any more details that might help us?

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