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molly's avatar

Am I too forgiving?

Asked by molly (259points) September 29th, 2008

my friend made some comments quite recently (in a somewhat negative tone) about how i always seem to give people second chances, that i can never keep people i “hate” out of my life, how i don’t know how to give the cold shoulder to anyone, etc. while i do agree that to an extent i may be too much of a softie sometimes, i usually see my actions more as a sign that i’ve grown up about whatever situation went down and that whoever i was feuding with was important enough to me to be given a second chance. if i truly believe someone did me wrong, i will cut off ties if necessary. if some time later (most cases have been at least 6 months to a year) i find that there is some reason to give them another chance, i tend to ease into doing so. if it goes well and i can rekindle some sort of friendship, i go ahead with it, but with caution. is this wrong, or is my friend (who says, “i’m serious when i say i don’t like people and i’ve dropped them forever”) too unforgiving?

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9 Answers

Nimis's avatar

Only if it hurts you in the end.
Otherwise, you can never be too forgiving.

PIXEL's avatar

People are just cruel. I find it funny how kids these days get so annoyed about everything! (Good Grammar, Change, Other peoples Clothes.. etc)

tinyfaery's avatar

Forgiving is not the same as accepting or condoning. If you can keep the vampires out of your life, then go ahead with what you are doing. And good for you for doing it.

hearkat's avatar

I am the same way, I have made mistakes in my life, and am willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Rarely have I encountered someone whose intention is to cause harm. Typically, their actions can be understood and explained (which isn’t the same as excused). So if they give me a reason to believe that they have learned from the experience, I’ll give them another chance.

augustlan's avatar

I wouldn’t say you are too forgiving, but perhaps too quick to issue “final” statements at the time of the initial offense. If you often say “That’s it, I’m through with you” and then later change your mind, maybe you need to rethink your initial reactions, and change how you respond to such things in the future.

ckinyc's avatar

I am the same way. I always try to find/remember the good qualities of the person. True friends are harder to find as people grow older with tougher exteriors.

I consider that is your good quality. Part of what makes you who you are. Don’t let people change you. Just learn your limit.

I am 41 now and have not regret for a mintue on the choices I made regarding forgiving people.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t think you are too forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. People learn from their mistakes (mostly), and if they show you they understand what they did wrong and how they plan not to do that again, I believe forgiveness is very important. If there were no forgiveness, no one would have an incentive to reform.

I think most people in the world err far too much on the unforgiving side. I think we need to reach out our hands to help those who have hurt us, not just cut them off. If we talk to them, they can learn what they did wrong. Otherwise, they are just guessing, and are more likely to continue doing shit like that.

marinelife's avatar

I would rather be you than your “friend”.

I would rather be friends with you than with your “riend”.

Should you consider exercising your cutting off and non-forgiveness boundaries on your “friend”?

ravenkwill's avatar

Seems like a better question might be – what tweaked your friend like that? They probably said that because they were feeling impacted by something. I don’t think it’s an issue of are you too much this or not enough that – that’s all a smoke screen for something happened that impacted your friend, and they said what they did. If your “softie” nature has you complaining to your friend, or has your friend having to deal with jerks you’d be better off without, or means you’re spending less time with them because you’re being with people they don’t like, then it would make a lot of sense they’d be upset about it.

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