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Lovelocke's avatar

Celebrity/Rock Star Presidential Campaign Fantasy Scenario Battle 2012 (The Year the World Ends 64)

Asked by Lovelocke (1609points) October 7th, 2008

The year is 2008, and unlike the drab showdown in D.C. back in 2004 pitting crooked-as-a-question-mart George W. vs his equally crooked “Vietnam Era Purple Heart Winning Boytoy Skull and Bones Cousin” John Kerry, we have a year of “Win-Win” political preference.

At the beginning, the big story was Obama vs Hillary with John McCain and his “Imma help the vets, the vets, the vets, the vets, the vets, and Obama’s BLACK” politics trailed behind a distant third, or fourth or fifth based on whether or not you actually believed tools like Ralph Nader would have a chance.

Since then, the battle between “Black or Vagina” boiled down to young black man against old white war mule politics… and then, a trump card. Sarah Palin.

Maverick, maverick, maverick. Gmilf, gmilf, gmilf. Damn nice set of legs and freckle-splattered cleavage. Now that we’ve got all of her qualifications filed away, let’s talk about what she knows about being a Vice President.

Short answer: Nothing.

Long Answer: Asking Sarah Palin a question about real political issues and trying to get a concrete answer out of her is about as useful as asking Sarah Palin a question about real political issues and trying to get a concrete answer out of her is about as useful as asking Sarah Palin a question about real political issues and trying to get a concrete answer out of her is about as useful as asking Sarah Palin a question about real political issues and trying to get a concrete answer out of her is about as useful as asking Sarah Palin a question about real political issues and trying to get a concrete answer out of her is about as useful as…

Moving on. Joe Biden did a merely competant job during the VP Debates, but from an outsider view, many people felt more confident with Biden as VP than they felt about McCain as being de facto dictator.

Many people first became aquainted with Barack Obama during the aforementioned 2004 presidential campaign at the Democratic National Convention when he spoke on behalf of John Kerry… you remember that event, right? The one that ended with the stage crew’s “what’s wrong with the balloons? What the f—- are you doing?” directions inexplicably being broadcast over the air:

When has that EVER happened before? Never to my memory. Someone was looking to sling some mud, and I remember for a very short time afterward that people said they weren’t voting for Kerry simply because of the “Foul-Mouthed Speech By John Kerry”.

Yeah. People can be that dense… and so, I’ll break it down real simple:

Obama = Hope. Hope sounds good, and I like that simple word compared to John McCain’s side of things. He’s a “young guy”, sure, but that means that he’s more familiar with the way the land looks today compared to, for instance, having the political mindset back in the Nixon era that many of his contemporaries on the hill have.

McCain = McCan’t. McCan’t get his way to put the debates on hold, he McCan’t get out from his VP choice’s… and no amount of blood-stained flag waving about a war WE DIDN’T WIN isn’t going to convince me that he knows what to do about winning wars.

Sarah Palin? Well, no question about it: She’s certainly worth a half-hour long, teasing, massaging, and preferably moist wank session, and for the sake of the country I hope that all adult males in the United States get that half hour of “Republican Support” out of their systems before it’s time to head out to the voting stations. Let’s be frank, there’s life for Sarah Palin if she doesn’t get to move in from Alaska… she could always end up with a nice 15 minute video over at Milfhunter(dot)com that can pay her more in an afternoon than she would’ve made all year pretending to be important in DC. – An example of, perhaps, what a conversation between McCain and Palin would sound like pertaining to the war in Iraq.


Since everyone’s going to vote for Obama anyway, at least, everyone that matters (See: Majority), let’s look forward to the next exciting year in elections: 2012.

What possible celebrity combination or mix of races and genders do the two parties have to pull out of their asses to make for an election year “to top the 2008” election year? Assuming Obama does get elected, the responsibility for the dog and pony show would fall onto the laps of the Republicans (for a change)... so, you know? What’s it going to take?

An amendment that allows Arnold to step up for Presidential Candidacy? The first hispanic catholic female president who’s sexy, slim, and just turned 18 with a promise to the country to “Bring world peace to America and to pose for Playboy in the Oval Office”? Maybe they will elect the first virtual president in history, one who was lovingly rendered with super elite Playstation 3 (you gobs) technology who takes all its cues for major political decisions by tallying results texted in from everyone in America who owns a cell phone? (Text “Fuggem” to 19919 or Text “Loveem” to 19919). That’ll be a way to bring the economy back into the swing of things, charge the kiddies 99 cents to pretend they have a say in world politics in the new era of “Anyone can do it” elections, as will be proven if Palin and John “Vietnam War Accomplishments Only Matter NOW because a Republican did it” McCan’t take the win this fall.

Well, your speculation. Rather than closing this topic up, top to bottom, I don’t mind hearing your take on the current ballot, but I WOULD suggest however, that you make some kind of speculation towards the political “Dream Team” that’ll have to be put up to vote in 2012.

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7 Answers

AstroChuck's avatar

Great answer, syz.

EnzoX24's avatar

First off, awesome read.


Dems: Steven Tyler and Mick Jagar for Pres and VP.

Reps: Cranky Old Dude with Korea flashbacks and Extremist Catholic that hates Jews.

jasonjackson's avatar

I second syz: Wow. Quite a rant. :)

To (kind of) answer your question, though: I imagine that if Obama gets elected this year, 2012 will, for the Republicans, be all about pulling together some kind of backlash. I don’t know who the candidates would be, but I’d expect them to really hammer issues like gay marriage, abortion, abstinence-only education funding, etc. They’re going to try to pull the conservative side of the electorate together again by really hammering hard on the social issues.

And if Obama’s administration makes any kind of ethical misstep, no matter how small (or how small in comparison to the Valerie Plame scandal, Abu Ghraib, monitoring internet backbones in violation of the constitution, sweetheart deals on defense contracts), expect the Republicans to trumpet it widely – on every Fox talk show, and from every pulpit.

judochop's avatar

holymoly!!!! Okay well my party is:
Bono and VP James hetfield. Sort of a good cop bad cop thing.

fireside's avatar

Whew, i didn’t know if I was going to make it out of that question alive!!

I’d say that it will be Val Kilmer, the inexperienced newly elected Governor, and Sarah Palin, the now experienced but still fresh face with a George Bush attitude, vying for the nomination.

Whichever one of them wins the nomination will end up selecting Anne Coulter as their running mate.

If Palin is the nominee, she and Coulter will say that there is no Vice President and they are running as Co-presidents, but Sarah Palin will make sure everyone knows she’s the real decision maker.

If Kilmer takes the prize, then Coulter will drop out halfway to election day in a huff and he will select Christie Todd Whitman to finish up the race.

…but they will both strongly consider a virtual running mate to compliment their ticket

Judi's avatar

I’m holding my breath until THIS election is over, please, don’t make me think about 2012 yet!

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