General Question

Mtl_zack's avatar

Expectations...

Asked by Mtl_zack (6751points) October 7th, 2008

im still a virgin. i hear that everyone has these horrible experiences with their first time, and they didnt share their first sexual experience with someone who they hoped they would. many of my friends lost their virginity to drunken sluts or to people who wanted cash. i want my first time to be a good time, so am i expecting too much? what should i expect? any tips would be appreciated.

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8 Answers

La_chica_gomela's avatar

mine was with someone i cared about a lot and felt very comfortable with. i think comfort level with the whole situation (person, timing, place) may be the most important factor.

Also, you will enjoy it more if you don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s not going to be the best sex of your life. Would you want it to be? Once you’ve accepted that fact, you’ll be okay.

augustlan's avatar

I’m with La chica. Comfort level (yours and your partner’s) has a big impact. Ideally, you’ll be with someone you love…but at the very least, make sure it’s an important relationship (and a monogamous one). It likely won’t last long the first time, but you are young, and will recover quickly. It all gets better from there!

MacBean's avatar

I think a big part of the problem is that people tend to expect their first time to be wonderful and perfect. Reality check: it probably won’t be. That doesn’t mean it’ll be HORRIBLE but if you go into it with very high expectations, you’re more likely to be disappointed.

Randy's avatar

I regret mine pretty bad. I learned a lesson but it was one I should have already known. Just make sure it’s with someone your comfortable with. Here’s the best advice I can give to a guy looking for a girl to have sex with, only have sex with a girl you don’t mind being the mother of your children. I don’t have any, (thankfully), but I almost did with the girl I lost my virginity to. Just to be clear, I was ready to man up to my actions, but she lost it naturally. It’s sad but makes me thankful at the same time because it taught me that lesson.

deaddolly's avatar

Agree, someone you have a relationship with, not just a stranger.
Just take it slow and let things happen. Try not to pressure yourself. Be honest with your partner.
Check the website for Talk Sex with Sue. She has wonderful suggestions.

Fieryspoon's avatar

The first time you have sex with anyone will be worse than the sex you have with someone you love and with whom you have sex repeatedly. You just learn how to fit with the other person, you can be more forthcoming with what you want/less shy about what you want, and you don’t feel hollow afterward.

The few times I’ve had sex and I wasn’t emotionally invested in it, I would have rather been just doing it myself. Learning how to do it properly is fun and exciting, and remember that it takes two people to have great sex. A lot of trouble can come from the comfort level of both you with her AND her with you—if she’s not comfortable with you, you’ll get robbed of all the pleasure of seeing her have a good time too (that’s the best part, in my opinion).

Good luck :)

krose1223's avatar

Well if it is also the girls first keep in mind it may take a few shots… It was 6 tries for me until we could say we successfully had sex. Keep in mind it’s painful for girls a lot of the time, even if it’s been a few times. I highly recommend it’s someone you care deeply about, because you will remember this person the rest of your life. Don’t focus on losing your virginity, when it happens it happens. You’ll know when you want to and don’t rush it until then. Again, if it’s the girls first time, lots of lube… ha. It makes things go a little easier and less painful. Be careful because when I got pregnant it was the first try with that particular partner. I also know someone who got pregnant the very first time they had sex. You’re not expecting too much, just make sure you are ready and know what you are getting into. don’t push it Just wait for the right time.

girlofscience's avatar

Most of your friends lost their virginity to “people who wanted cash”?

Anyway, I don’t really think “virginity” is anything special, and I don’t think the “first time” needs to be special. I lost my virginity to someone I didn’t care about when I was 15. Seven years later, I don’t regret it at all. It was perfectly fine and fun. I liked being able to experience meaningless sex just for the sake of having sex before having meaningful sex in the context of a relationship. It was interesting to feel how different the two were.

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