General Question

fmguzman08's avatar

How far is to far?

Asked by fmguzman08 (9points) October 12th, 2008

If your with a person that you can’t live without, maybe your married maybe your just dating, but how far is to far? what would you consider cheating? would it be kissing the another person and if so which sex? or would it be actually having sex with another person? And if your spouse did cheat would you stay with them and forgive them or find another fish in the sea?

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4 Answers

susanc's avatar

If my husband had been kissing on someone else, I’d have had some long talks with him,
that’s for sure. But I think we chose each other, two very hurt people, specifically because we knew that kind of thing wasn’t likely to happen.

jvgr's avatar

Only you can really answer this, and the status of the relationship matters.

The commitments between partners typically change. Casual daters shouldn’t have commitments with one another, or it’s not casual. Serious relationships should be understood to mean the same thing by both parties, ie not dating of others…

As far as commitment goes, I don’t know what the difference might be between a serious relationship and marriage other than a legal one.

Commitments between couples should be clearly understood and equal. If it’s not equal, the issue needs to be raised. Unequal rules (I can hang out with my female friends buy you can’t even talk to unrelated males) tends to occur when one partner seeks to control the other. This is not normal or acceptable.

As for staying, that too depends.
If you are in a clearly one sided relationship where you are being controlled due to an irrational partner you need to think real hard about why you think this may be good for you. Controlling partners don’t just happen and the issues they have take time to work out. Typically they aren’t driven to change (counter productive from their point of view)

If a partner was in a situation that caused a heat of the moment sexual encounter or even an affair. It’s up to the cheatee to decide what is next. Why did the partner do this? Will they stop? At this point faith is all you’ve got plus the track record of the partner. While there may be many excuses for cheating (including it’s your fault) the real reasons are important. Is the couple sexually compatible. Is the cheatee acting, unprovoked, in a manner that makes the cheater feel totally put upon and unappreciated causing the cheater to seek solace somewhere else or is the cheater simply a self absorbed jerk?

Many couples have endured a bout of cheating by one or other partner. Others don’t. Most don’t survive when one partner is a serial cheater.

Good luck.

gimmedat's avatar

For me, cheating is when a person in a committed relationship puts so much energy into developing a relationship with someone outside of the marriage that he/she is neglecting the needs of his/her spouse. When one’s energy is focused outside of sustaining a strong relationship, the other person is being cheated. Outside friendships are beneficial, but when those friendships become a concern, to either partner, there’s a problem. There would be no second chance if my hubby cheated on me, whether “emotionally” or sexually, with another man or a woman. I have enough self-respect to not clean up somebody else’s sloppy seconds.

augustlan's avatar

Kissing, intercourse, male, female…if done without the full permission and knowledge of the other partner, it is all cheating. I’d be inclined to forgive a drunken one night stand, (don’t know if I could, but I’d try) but could never forgive an ongoing affair.

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