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flowers33's avatar

Adult Content: Is my boyfriend too big for me?

Asked by flowers33 (29points) October 20th, 2008

I’ve only had sex with two guys in my life. I was in a relationship with a guy for several years, and then we broke up. I hate him now, but I have to admit the sex was great. I met a new guy, and I’ve been with him for about a year now. I love him so much, and we have a much more emotional connection, and I enjoy our sex a lot, but I have one issue: His “member” is quite a bit larger in length and width, and I kept thinking that I would get used to it, but it still hurts sometimes. I’m not saying it’s all the time, but definitely when it first slides in I’m always surprised, and in some positions it would hurt for the first few thrusts if I didn’t tell him to slow down and be extra-gentle.

Yes, we do have adequate foreplay! In fact, sometimes we’ll have been doing it for a while in one position, and then when we switch to another one, I’ll have to get used to the size, but I didn’t notice it in the first position.

And no, he’s not too rough with me! He’s very gentle and loving in every way.

All my friends said, “oh, you’ll get used to it, and you’ll love it!” but it’s been a year!

Have you had a similar experience? Will it ever feel “just right” or will it always take me by surprise?

Also, there’s nothing wrong with me! I go to the appropriate doctors every year, and I am just fine in that department thank you very much!

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24 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Not speaking from experience, but from third hand testimonials. Yes, it is possible that he is too big. The testimonialee did not stay with her man too long (less than a year) for other reasons, but she did say it was difficult to enjoy because the pain detracted from the fun.

edit:: maybe it’ll be better after labor and delivery

Mtl_zack's avatar

thank goodness im not in your boyfriend’s situation. er…

flowers33's avatar

mltzack, what is that supposed to mean? Are you saying you’re happy you have a small one? ...Talk about honesty

augustlan's avatar

I once had a boyfriend like yours. Every time we had intercourse, I bled as if it was my first time. We focused on other means of sexual interaction for the most part.

funkdaddy's avatar – some very proud individuals but lots of information for both of you

probably not something you want to check out from work

Trance24's avatar

Maybe he is just to much man for you to handle. Haha. Hey if it isn’t a huge problem don’t complain. Be happy! =]

flowers33's avatar

funkdaddy, thank you for the link. it was very interesting. i’m glad i’m not at work so i can peruse it at my leisure.

trance24, i’m so pleased i could give you a laugh. thanks for answering my question. oh wait, you didn’t.

asmonet's avatar

Could just be he’s oto big for you and could be you’re extra small. You don’t mention his size anywhere so we’re all assuming he’s massive, if he’s more towards average it could legitimately be a problem with you. You could talk to your gyno about any options. I forget what it’s called but some people have a problem with tightness that can be quite painful and there are things you can do to fix it.

It’s more likely he’s huge though.

anthelios77's avatar

Have you tried using lubricant?

asmonet's avatar

@Anth: Didn’t even think about that.

I didn’t even notice you didn’t mention where the pain was… which could be an indicator of specific problems. Since you said it hurts in certain positions, could it be bumping against the cervix that hurts? Some women find that to be pleasurable while others find it causes a lot of pain. Depending on the position you wouldn’t go near it. Thus pain only sometimes. Or even just maneuvering unconsciously to avoid pain could be making it seem intermittent when it’s not. If it’s pain near the labia, lube might work if it’s pinching or rubbing in an odd way, if it’s your hymen it could go away after a while once you adjust to the new visitor. :)

flowers33's avatar

@skabeep: Is that supposed to mean something to me? Please explain.

@asmonet: Well I didn’t say to him, “I’m going to ask a question on the internet about how you’re so large, so let me take a ruler and find out your exact length and girth! What is “massive” anyway? Do you want to know how big it is? I would guess roughly between seven and eight inches. If that’s “massive” in your opinion, then yes, he’s totally MASSIVE.

@anthelios77: Did you even read my question? YES WE USE LUBRICANT AND I AM QUITE WET AS IT IS! Why would it not hurt in one position, but it would after switching to another one if this was about lubricant! We’ve been having sex for a year! It’s not about lube!

@asmonet: Sometimes it’s the cervix, but other times it’s…all around…do you know what I mean? Not just one specific place, but the whole thing.

Are you kidding me about my hymen? Tell me that’s a joke, please! I’ve been having sex for years! I don’t have a damn hymen.

I’m starting to wonder why I thought asking this site would be helpful…

flowers33's avatar

And trance24: I just keep on thinking about your comment! It is so incredibly ignorant!!!

If I said, “I really love wearing contacts, but sometimes they hurt my eyes,” would you say, “Haha, be happy!” Well, would you?

Sex is supposed to feel good! Or didn’t anyone ever tell you that?

asmonet's avatar

First of all you don’t lose a hymen. You may have never had one or it may have torn but it doesn’t just dissolve or run away after having sex. 7–8 inches is larger than the average for white men, but you didn’t specify an ethnicity – his or yours. I think you have received plenty of helpful pieces of information from this site. Your last comment sounds like your laughing at our attempts to help – not nice.

If it bothers you much, ask your gynecologist like I said. Seven inches isn’t massive so unless you are tiny, there should be no reason for pain.

flowers33's avatar

You’re right, asmonet, what I meant to say is an intact hymen.

I don’t understand why knowing either of our ethnicities would help you figure out how to answer my question any better, but if you can give me a good reason, then I’ll tell you.

For sure, I have gotten a few “helpful” responses – exactly three of them—from Augustlan, Kevbo, and Funkdaddy. I gave them “lurve”. But I don’t consider 50% (3 out of 6 respondants) a terrific batting average.

asmonet's avatar

Different ethnicities have different issues, I don’t care what you are personally. It’d be nice to know so I could have told you what the average’s are in terms of size.

And the medical information is perfectly valid, you did not mention if you had brought this issue up to your doctor. Being fine in general checkups does not mean there isn’t a problem a specific test would find easily. Intermittent pain can fall under that category. Have you ever mentioned this problem with your doctor? I’m guessing no.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

removed by me

El_Cadejo's avatar

@flowers23 you clearly misunderstood what trance was saying, she didnt mean be happy your in pain, she meant be happy you have a guy thats well equipped. Ya know since most people tend to put so much emphasis on size.

I also find no need for things like “I’m starting to wonder why I thought asking this site would be helpful…” if you dont like what we have to say, too bad. We arent here to solve all of your problems. You ask a question we give answers, take it or leave it. But dont throw a little hissy fit when you dont get the answers you wanted.

shilolo's avatar

@flowers. It seems to me that a few of these quips were simply attempts at humor. Not necessarily at your expense, but just humor. The monique quip was a typical guy’s way of saying, “Monique (my girlfriend)?” with the reverse implication that the quip writer is well endowed. Likewise, I think that trance’s answer was just written in jest. You must have known that a few people would write witty comments in response. That isn’t a personal attack or affront, it is just the nature of the topic and this site.

As far as your problem is concerned, it really could just be a function of your anatomy and his anatomy not mixing well (and this may be manifest as a problem only in certain positions where, for example, he makes contact with your cervix due to deeper penetration). Alternatively, there may be other medical causes. You should bring this up with your OB-Gyn at your next visit just to make sure it isn’t something serious.

Trance24's avatar

@flowers33 I was not trying to make it into a joke. If you want my straight forward answer that would be: Yes perhaps he is too big. Things like that can happen. I was trying to say if it is not a huge problem and if it is not causing you extream pain that it shouldn’t be a problem. But if you are having bleeding problems, then perhaps you should ask a medical doctor what he thinks. Maybe you are literally stretching yourself to your limit.

asmonet's avatar

Im glad Im not the only one seeing the attitude in this thread. :)

@shilolo: You said what I said, only better. I are jealous.

flowers33's avatar

Thank you shilolo, that link was very interesting.

Maybe I was rude to some others of you, but it’s a very sensitive subject for me, and you hurt my feelings with comments that I perceived as callous and in some cases rude. If I offended you I apologize.

asmonet, I still see absolutely no reason why ethnicity would be relevant in discussing whether or not I will ever feel 100% comfortable with his size. What could you possibly say that would be helpful to me? I just don’t see it.

asmonet's avatar

Nevermind then, its really not that important. I was going to give you some statistics and maybe try and narrow my search field down to find some more relevant information tailored to your demographic if posible. It was simply a question that unfortunately seems to be a subject you are hyper sensitive about, in which case I would rather drop it. I feel you have more than enough advice on the topic. General consensus for bleeding and pain during or after sex is to ask your gynecologist – not the internet.

I hope everything does turn out fine and normal but I am now excusing myself from this thread. Despite your apology I don’t see a change in your tone myself.

Good luck.

shortysith's avatar

I’ve had the same problem :) We are all built differentely, so we react differentely to that sort of thing…make sure you two communicate about what feels good for you and what doesn’t. Great sex doesn’t make a relationship, so if you two are great in every other way, then you can bet that communicating openly about this can only help

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