General Question

wundayatta's avatar

What is your own assessment of your looks? What evidence do you have to support that assessment?

Asked by wundayatta (58663points) October 22nd, 2008

I’m not talking about being falsely conceited, nor falsely modest. Just the honest opinion you have of yourself when you catch a glimpse in the mirror.

I, for example, think I must look pretty schlumpy because women aren’t constantly throwing themselves at me, and no one, to my recollection, has ever told me I look good. On a good day, however, I might admit to decent facial features. But I’ve always worn a beard to hide behind.

I never could imagine anyone being attracted to me because of how I look. I thought it would have to be based on what I did.

I am, of course overweight, but that wasn’t always the case. Gaining weight has not affected my generally dismissive assessment of my looks. That assessment remains as poor as it ever was.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

72 Answers

generalspecific's avatar

I’m pretty happy with the way I look. Not in a conceited way at all, but just content. I hate looking in the mirror on bad skin days and that sort of thing, but in general I’m happy with the way I look. Even though I am a bit on the thicker side.
But I think that’s a pretty great accomplishment in the world of today, where it seems as if almost everyone is unhappy with their appearance and are constantly trying to change it.

augustlan's avatar

I think I used to be quite pretty. Maybe even beautiful, people (even strangers) told me so often enough. These days, for a number of reasons, not so much. My once pretty red hair has faded to a non-descript blondish/gray. I weigh quite a bit more than I should. And, the most damning of all, I no longer really give a shit what I look like most days!

jtvoar16's avatar

I look like a Neanderthal, I swear. I have the slopping forehead, pronounced check bones, big, bulging noise, and small, unfulfilling lips. My eyes are the only redeeming feature, but only by comparison. They are sunken in, deep below my sloping brow, and a bland, average, pale-blue.
So, to anyone that doubts the reality of the Neanderthal, I am living genetic proof they existed, that or a combination of Celtic, German and Black Foot Indian equals something that looks like a Neanderthal.
“Oog, Oog.”
/Scratch self, eat found flee.

Allie's avatar

I’m very happy with the way I look. I love my dark hair. In the summer I get natural highlights that are a copperish color. I like that my eyes are a honey brown and have dark brown around the edges. And if you look closely you can see little goldy flecks in them. (My mom says my eyes are exactly like my great-grandmas.) I like my birthmark on my right cheek. I like my legs, I’m on the tall side so they are quite long (I’m 5’9’’). I like that I tan easily and that it never looks fake.
Of course there are things I don’t like, but overall I’m pretty content.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

For some reason I have this image of myself as being this beastly, masculine, weirdo. No matter how many times I’m told otherwise. Which is a lot.
I’m slowly learning to get this image out of my head, though.

deaddolly's avatar

I keep the mirrors covered in my house and ususally tear up photos of me. There have been a few that were ok. I have a terrible self-image. People have told me I’m attractive, I don’t beleive them.
Nothing a few decades of therapy would’nt help, but at this stage in my life, I don’t care what ppl think of my outward looks or what I think of them. I think I’m a good person and that’s all that really matters.

cookieman's avatar

I look like a cross between Jackie Gleason and Kevin James (from King of Queens) with just enough Mafia thrown in that few people approach me on the street.

My wife, however, thinks I’m adorable – which is all that matters to me.

My daughter always says, “Bah, you look handsome.”
To which I say, “Well I’m glad you think so Boop.”

wundayatta's avatar

Don’t be afraid to answer this, those of you who think highly of yourselves. I am looking for hope about this self-image issue, and would love to know how it works for you.

ljs22's avatar

I’ll be honest, I think I’m pretty hot. It’s pretty much just a luck of the draw thing. But in the way of constructive advice, I’d say the thing that has helped me feel that way consistently is going to the gym regularly. I don’t think I work out hard enough to actually change my body into some sort of ideal, but it really makes me feel better emotionally. And I feel like I’m doing what I can, like my looks aren’t just an accident.

Next, I think you have to be honest about what you’ve got and enhance it instead of fighting with it. For example, I have wavy hair that is really BIG. Sometimes I do flat iron the hell out of it, but honestly it probably looks better when I just go with what it wants to do and add a little product.

Finally, don’t underestimate the power of nice clothing. On a man, I love good fitting jeans and casual blazers. Clothes, and how you walk, are just huge in my book.

deaddolly's avatar

Bodies can be changed. Faces….not so much. That’s why I believe in make-up!!!!

shadling21's avatar

I think I’m unconventionally pretty. I see pictures and cringe. The mirror is my friend, and it usually shows me looking decent. I’ve been told by others that I am pretty, but I find it hard to believe that others can see that.

I like to think that there is an element of beauty in everyone, and that I shouldn’t get hung up on my or anyone else’s flaws.

@ljs – Very true. Clothes can alter how your body looks. Once you’ve found a nice fit, it can change how you feel about yourself.

Nimis's avatar

Mirrors are kind.
Cameras are cruel.

The real me is probably somewhere in the middle.

Bri_L's avatar

Anytime anyone complained about a picture my grandma said “how much better do you think you look?”

I am 39. I look a boyish 39. My hair is early 30’s. I am slightly overweight. A fat face, but not obese. I have very blue eyes and a very nice warm genuine smile that pules my eyes into it. The kind that looks kind.

If someone were to only look at me with no interaction, I would most likely be passed by.

Until I was 34 that was not the case.

Nimis's avatar

And to your grandmother I would reply:
Hopefully better than that.

I don’t think it’s just being vain. Just matter of fact.
I think most of my friends look better in real life than in pictures.

Bri_L's avatar

the way pictures are framed and lit can easily change how people look. We played a joke on her. We took her picture and then showed her a really bad one of Phillys Diller.

Nimis's avatar

Yes, sometimes it’s not necessarily better or worse.
Sometimes it just doesn’t look like them at all.

Lurve for your prank.

Harp's avatar

I’ve been a craftsman long enough that I’ve developed a pretty good eye for form. When I turn that eye on my own form, I don’t find much that’s pleasing about it. No particularly jarring flaws, I guess, just an overall lack of harmony and proportion. There’s a general impression of gangly angularity. I’m lean, which accentuates bones and veins and other features that would be more subtly suggested in someone with a bit more poof to them.

I don’t feel unhappy with this body; it serves me well. But if it were one of my harps, I think I’d donate it to charity rather than sign my name to it and sell it for good money.

shadling21's avatar

I suggest we all try saying “gangly angularity” five times fast.

Nimis's avatar

Shad: That is indeed a fun phrase to roll around in your mouth.
Though my particular favourite is someone with a bit more poof to them.

tinyfaery's avatar

Well, my whole life I’ve been told I’m beautiful by family, friends, and lovers. I think I have a pleasant face, but I’ve never been happy with my body. I’m curvy, with ample breasts, wide hips, and a nice, full butt. But my body is proportionate. The way I view myself is through the people who have found me attractive. I’ve had some VERY hot lovers, both male and female. If I wasn’t on their level I doubt they would have ever even looked at me.

stevenb's avatar

I think I am average. I can walk around practically invisible. What my wife says is different. All of her friends also say the same thing. That say I’m addorable, with beautiful blue eyes, a very cute smile, a great body, sexy arms, a great stomach, and the sexiest butt they have ever seen, all wrapped up in a wonderful personality. I think they are crazy. I was once asked by a woman in NJ to be a male stripper also, but that was just odd happenstance. I am ok with average, but I wonder what life would be like as one of the beautiful people.

robmandu's avatar

was told in high school that I look like Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles.

That’s some tough baggage to shake.

Knotmyday's avatar

People have told me I look like Matthew Broderick since High School. They are mistaken.

Sloane2024's avatar

When I pass by a mirror, I’m generally happy with myself. I’m about a size 2–4, a small chest, flat stomach, blonde hair, green eyes, and a face I consider not hideously ugly. I’ve modeled for many different companies, and am told that I turn heads everywhere I go, but, I don’t like priding myself in my appearance. My personality, manifestation of kindness, and accomplishments are what I base my self-esteem on…. This realization of assurance came from many months of intense and painful therapy. For about three years, I had such a low confidence, anorexia almost took my life. Since then, I’ve continued to put more effort into improving my inner beauty as opposed to my external features.

Bri_L's avatar

I have an interesting observation.

When I was younger, through my early 20’s people could not tell my brother and I apart. We were identical. Even our mom goofed us up. BUT My brother was known as “the cute one”. What was that all about.

Bri_L's avatar

@Sloane2024— if that is you in your picture you look very nice to me.

If it is you in the back in the picture, you should know most guys don’t talk about their size or chest size.

What is a relief is that someone of your beauty fought and is winning the battle. Your willingness to share it hear is a testament to that.

Thank you.

Sloane2024's avatar

Lol, yes, it is me in the front, and thank you. I like to share in places that I believe my story could potentially help others, for an ED is one of the toughest battles to conquer and impossible to win alone.

Bri_L's avatar

I am afraid I don’t know what an ED is.

Knotmyday's avatar

A horse, a horse, of course, of course.

Sloane2024's avatar

lol, good one knotmyday. It’s an abbreviation for eating disorder. ;)

deaddolly's avatar

i’ve been told i look like fred flinstone…

DrasticDreamer's avatar

People generally tell me I’m “hot” “beautiful”, etc. Some days I think I’m pretty, other times I think, “What the fuck is wrong with everyone?”. I don’t think I’m ugly but I usually don’t feel worthy of the kind of comments I tend to get. I’m 5’8’’ (too tall!), biggish boobs, and pretty curvy even though people tell me I’m skinny a lot. I think I look smaller than I am (people always under-guess my weight), just because I’m not actually overweight and because I’m taller than the average female. I have really big, deep green eyes, which I am admittedly glad to have. My hair is stick straight, but thick, with a a natural (stupid) mousy brown color.

When I talk to new people in person I come across as very shy, quiet and innocent, which isn’t very far from the truth. I unintentionally display how shy I am all over my face though, which annoys the hell out of me. People think it’s cute and it just makes me even more shy and embarrassed. When I’m not talking to anyone and minding my own business, people always think I’m angry even if I’m not. It’s just the way my face sits, I guess. My mom had the same problem when she was younger.

fireside's avatar

my self assessment is: eh.

Knotmyday's avatar

Sloane, you look wonderful. Believe it.

I’ll bet, Mr. Loon, that you are absolutely representative of the mate-able male demographic. Plus, you’re a musician, which is an uncontrovertible aphrodisiac. Stop being a nerd.

Is it time to re-post the “what do you look like?” post? without further ado…

deaddolly's avatar

DD 5’8” is no longer considered tall.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

It is when the average female your own age is generally 5’4’’.

deaddolly's avatar

Well, being tall works to your advantage most of the time. Clothes look better, you can see in crowds, ppl notice you….
I’m only 5’7”...wish I were taller.

shadling21's avatar

@deaddolly – A bit of humorous confusion when you posted “DD 5’8” is no longer considered tall.” – I thought you were talking to yourself.

deaddolly's avatar

lol…wouldn’t that be sad. I talk to myself all the time, If I start doing so on here, please stop me somehow!

stevenb's avatar

I am 5’9” now. I used to be a tad over 5’10”, but got shortened a bit in an accident. Amazing what falling from a bit over 30 feet and landing on your feet will do to you. So I identify with everyone who wants to be taller. I just used to be and I always think, “Dammit, I used to be able to reach that shelf”!

asmonet's avatar

I think I’m pretty, not gorgeous. With a weird combination of Spain, Germany, Republic of Czech and English I have features from everywhere that got kinda muffled by everywhere else.

What I find interesting is that I get one comment a lot. Which makes me lose a little more faith in people each time.

“You’re so pretty! So pretty! You’d be absolutely beautiful if you lost a few pounds.

People will always find something.

If you’re curious.

I bet you’re being hard on yourself, kiddo.

shadling21's avatar

@asmonet – Do people really say that?!? That’s horrible! I don’t think you need to lose any weight.

asmonet's avatar

@shadling21: Yeah, you’d be surprised how many people do, once or twice it’s been strangers but particularly extended family, I think it’s one of those things my family has developed as our own. Mostly the extended family it might also be due in part to my face, My cheeks tend to expand with any weight gain so it plays a part in the overall look.
I think I’m cute as a button at the very least and they can kiss my extra few pounded ass.

And also, thank you. :)

augustlan's avatar

…and even if you did carry a few extra pounds, you’d still be pretty in my book!

asmonet's avatar

Smileys don’t really translate fully. But thank you, I smiled. :)

Allie's avatar

DrasticDreamer: I’m 5’9’’. I know what you mean…

deaddolly's avatar

@asmonet I’ve heard that as well…“you have such a pretty face; if only you lost a few pounds”. My latest retort is “too bad it wouldn’t be that easy for you…” Try it, it shuts the fools up.

Knotmyday's avatar

Reminds me of Winston Churchill’s reply to Bessie Braddock.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Allie: Doesn’t it suck when you see a pair of heels that you fall in love with, but then you think, “Ew. I’d look so gross wearing them.”? Sigh.

squirbel's avatar

I’ve been told by more than one person that I look like Talim from Soul Calibur. That’s what I get for being a girl gamer – you get likened to characters.

But yeah – everyone says I should cosplay as Talim. I take it as a compliment. :)


stevenb's avatar

I cant seem to get any pics up just now, so I switched my avatar. Squirbel is cute too. Must be a rule on here to only let on cute people. Oh, well, I’m stayin! You pretty people can’t make me leave now! Oh, and I don’t think asmonet should lose any weight, other than the dead weight of goofy people who are telling her to.

deaddolly's avatar

We are one hot group of crazies!

stevenb's avatar

Who’d a thunk that the hot girls would be on a site like fluther!

squirbel's avatar

aw shanks :O

stevenb's avatar

I just saw the little blurb thing under my name at the top….it says, “That’s not true, you look nothing like the Chupacabra.” I just thought that was funny on this thread about looks.

wundayatta's avatar

“We are one hot group of crazies!”

please, please, don’t let them see me. They’ll never let me stay.

generalspecific's avatar

I think the problem with most people is that they just don’t like their weight.
but honestly, as long as I can find clothes that fit, I’m thick and proud :)

asmonet's avatar

You’re cute generalspecific!

stevenb's avatar

I prefer the term “fluffy”. My wife an I have used that ever since one of the docs at her work came up with it. He had a bigger patient and forgot her name, but he said ” I need the chart for that patient this morning, the fluffy one”. I like that more the thick, or curvey, or chubby. My wife is no stick for sure. I wouldn’t mind if she lost weight for health reasons, so that she could live longer with me, but her beauty still takes my breath away.

asmonet's avatar

@stevenb: I give lurve for the picture of you and the pink munchkin.

And Jack Sparrow.

stevenb's avatar

Thats my neice. When I leave her house she always says “gimme some skin”, and then “peace out, rock on”, followed by pounding some knuckles. She is three. Cutest thing ever.

stevenb's avatar

Oh, the pirate was for a murder mystery. I was the killer, again. I got more looks from women on the way there than I ever have in my life. It cracked me up.

generalspecific's avatar

aww thanks asmonet :)

stevenb: those pictures are so cute, you and your wife are adorable!

stevenb's avatar

Thank you! She makes me look good.

hearkat's avatar

@StevenB: I’ve used “fluffy” to describe myself too!

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I have had major self-image and self-esteem issues. I was a compulsive overeater which is an eating disorder that gets far less attention than anorexia and bulemia. It consists of binging without purging. As a result, I am literally carrying my baggage.

I have worked very hard to overcome the emotional issues, and now I am focusing on the physical. I have learned to stop hating my body, because it hasn’t done anything that I haven’t told it too! Sometimes I marvel at how healthy I am despite the self-abuse and neglect. Now I feel ready for my physical presence to reflect the positive, upbeat person I have become.

I am fortunate in that my weight is distributed proportionately, so I am very curvy. I also have a fairly small bone structure, so my weight doesn’t show too much in my face, hands or feet.

I like my eyes, but I have an underbite, so my chin protrudes… which I think makes me unattractive. I guess that others find me average, because I never got much attention; although I have also been told that I’d be so pretty if I lost weight. But even when I was closer to normal weight in High School, I didn’t have many suitors.

The only site I’m on with pics is iRovr but it only works in Safari (maybe on Firefox, too).

deaddolly's avatar

seems no one is ever perfectly happy with the way they look. i’ve come to terms with the fact I’ll never be skinny. C’est la vie. i try to look my best, if ppl don’t like it they can look away.

What does everyone think about large ppl who wear tight fitting clothing
(like spandex)? Or skinny ppl who wear baggy clothes? Just curious.

squirbel's avatar

Like generalspecific says: you wear what fits and you look great. You wear what doesn’t fit, and you look lol.

And yes – I just made lol an adjective.

krose1223's avatar

I like my profile for some weird reason, so i think I am pretty from that view. When I am facing head on it changes day to day. Some days I feel confident and some days I just want to fade into the walls. I am happy with the way I look and wouldn’t really change anything. I’m pretty insecure about my body though… I’ve always been very petite. I think my smile is my favorite feature, just because people say my whole face lights up. I like that. :) Going by what other people say I think I am pretty but nothing special.

JellyB's avatar

Hm…..i don’t like the way i look at all, mostly. Dunno why. It’s only on the odd occasion that i think i look ok, but that’s rare. I’ve had compliments that i’m pretty, sometimes, and i accept them, but those i must have received on the odd occasion that i look ok, ie on perfect hair days and such. I have very low self confidence because of it.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve always been referred to as cute rather than pretty or beautiful and I’m okay with that now, not so much when I was younger and wanted to be “hot”. Other people often compliment my looks but I feel it has more to do with me looking exotic over pretty.

The men who’ve always made the most noise about my looks are ones with the “hot” cookie-cutter girlfriends so I think I’m “refreshing” to look at after so much bleached, dyed, plumped, lipo’d, botoxed, salined, makeup spackled hotness.~

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. When the fat hits the skillet beauty is one of those fickle arbitrative things that is summed up more by the person than other factors. Some women that could stop a bar fight because all the men will want to gander at her thinks she is ugly, and an unattractive woman magazines would pay for her to stay out, will think she is the cat’s pajamas. How one thinks of themselves has little to do if they are actually attractive or not.

I heard there is something called scientific beauty where they measure your features to see how proportionate they match overall, but most don’t go that far. Then it comes down to numbers because that is the most logical way to decipher it. If 20 women were to look at a man and 17 out of the 20 says or thinks he is hunky, attractive, etc, then logically he has to be generally appealing, and visa versa. If only 4 out of the 20 would ever seem themselves with him or that he is hunky then logically he isn’t.

I would have to say outwardly I would be closer to the low end of the totem pole because I can’t walk out of a bar with just about anyone I wanted. I was not hunted down by cheerleaders in school, or had gals slipping me their number in college. Even if I thought I wasn’t attractive myself that would mean I believe I should look like someone else, and I could not imagine being someone else because then I would not be me.

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