How do I tell my parents?

Be honest and frank. Remember that they will love you no matter what. And stop staying up so late—sleep is very, very important for learning.

Effectiveness may differ depending on parental relatinoship.

Express your concerns over your performance to your parents. Ask for their help…perhaps a tutor? Parents love their children, no matter what. It will all be ok.

Honest and frank, good advice.

Can you ask them to help you figure out what happened? Since you
can’t figure it out on your own?

You’re their kid. They’ll be interested.

Augustlan beat me to exactly the same take on your situation. ... we might be right!

Haven’t you also not been feeling well lately? Perhaps your sleepiness during the day is due to staying up late at night? Or, alternatively, perhaps you haven’t been doing so well do to whatever “illness” has been troubling you lately.

How did you deal with your previous question HERE?
Your question, above, and the one noted here could very well be related.
You need to talk to your parents about all of it.
Don’t put it off.

@lilaznstar235 If it wasn’t for your comment about the test scores, I’d be checking to see if you were my youngest daughter. She’s not eating, sleeping a lot, having problems with her classes, too. I think you need to address the health issues and the school issues at the same time, because I would bet they are related.

You may be ill, which will contribute to the grade thing. Or you you could be depressed. Or depressed from stress. The point is, it sounds like you are going to need some help, and it’s better to ask for it now, than to wait until the end of the semester. Are you at college? I would make an appointment with health services. See about getting a tutor.

As much as parents put pressure on kids to get A’s, the reality is they would rather have you alive and well.

Be honest. Is it posible you’re not that interested in the subject matter anymore? Try talking to an advisor. All you can do is your best.

I would recommend that you take the advice of everyone but to express how much you want to help yourself. Investigate tutoring programs, analyze where your weak and strong areas, and talk to your teachers about different studying methods. Maybe you could form a study group etc. They will have resources for you and you’ll be prepared when your parents ask for details. I’m sure you feel like you failed your parents, relay that to them, but you having prepared information will show how you are taking responsibility for your grades, and that you are being pro- active. They won’t be as harsh (if at all, I don’t know them :)), will see how hard you are on yourself, and know that you aren’t making excuses. They will/ should want to work with you and be great supports! Good luck, and remember that your brain is always developing and adapting to new learning skills. Don’t let setbacks fool you- we all have those quicksand days but you can always pull yourself out!

Ask them for help. Tell them you’re not OK with these grades and want to do better, but don’t know how.

gently, honestly, accepting your responsibilities and willing to set goals to meet mutually agreed upon goals.

I used to worry a lot about grades at some point in my life… You know what I realize now? It was not worth it, just tell your parents, they will support you, maybe you are just stressed that’s why you are failing… :)

There’s gotta be a reason, but it sounds like you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself. If you need help; get all the help your school has to offer. That’s all you can do. I’d give yourself a break for a bit and then take another look.

Regardless, your parents will appreicate your honesty.

Doing a bunch of chores around the house first couldn’t hurt!

If your parents are first generation immigrants, they can put enormous pressure on their children to do well in school and on tests. I believe this is more true of Asians. Under such presure, you can crack, and be unable to sleep, unable to concentrate while studying, and get sick.

Parents like this—they don’t necessarily react understandingly to bad performance. They can see their kids as wasting all the effort they put into the kids, and be very hostile. They also tend not to believe in psychological reasons for failure.

American parents seem to be more tolerant, and also less demanding (on average) than recent immigrants. They can be understanding, although some take it hard. They might ground you, or make you work even more. But most likely they will give you support if you tell them.

Only you know what your parents are like. I don’t know, for sure. And I don’t think any of us can really advise you without knowing your parents. Perhaps you might want to clarify, and tell us what you are afraid of. What are your parents like?

I wish you a lot of luck. This can be very hard for some kids. I wonder if I’m thinking of the “Joy Luck Club?”

thanks for all the comments. My parents think its odd that I’m feeling this way. Both my sis and bro never worked as hard as me and they still scored higher and got into good colleges. And ur rite, there is a correlation in my habits. If u recall I had a problem of being tired and not eating in my previois question. This is basically my day : come back from skool and study, start dozing off on my book, sleep for few hrs, wake up and continue studying,barely eat anything cause I’m not hungry , continue studying…until 5a.m with a two hr. Break for sleeping ,go to svkool and then repeat. Can anyone help me fix this ?
btw I have read joy luck club and even though it is similar to way I have to deal with I font believe its gotten very extreme yet

lilaznstar235, you are burned out, and if you’re not careful, could really develop health problems. You are spending too much time with the books. It becomes counterproductive, which makes you feel like you need to study more.

Your brain needs time to process the information you are putting into it. As for competing with your siblings, everyone is different and has different strengths and talents. There are different ways of being successful. Do you have someone you can study with to make it more social?

I would suggest start by coming home, doing something physical, even if it’s going to the park and swinging for a half hour. Clear your brain. Meet up with a classmate, or a tutor, and talk about the subject matter at hand. Explain the subject to someone. Help your mom cook dinner, and talk to her about what you’re studying. Study after dinner, in smaller increments. Then go to bed at 10:00 and stay in bed. Get up at 5:30 like you’ve been doing, read the paper or some magazines before school.

As weird as it seems, having time away often makes performance better. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher observed that most kids leave for two week winter break not reading, and come back and can read. I guarantee you their parents did not spend those two weeks working with flashcards.

no u dont understand my situation. I’m applying for college next year and so I need to get straight A’s in all my weighted classes. I dropped my music and sports so that I could take more college level courses. I tried excersicing like u said but it just made me REALLY tired. I’m 110 lb but since I havent had any physical things to do, excercise is actually being counterproductive.
Also for the sleeping thing u recommended. Its gotten worse. I’d wake up every single hour and feel frustrated or feel like I’m supposed to be doing something. And then when I do something like study I start dozing within the hour. When I go to bed, I wake up sometimes 30 min to 1 hr later and feel frustrated again and the whole system repeats.
I dont want to go to my doctor because I know his kids are supersmart and doesnt have a messed up life like me.

Go to the doctor anyway. He should not judge you, but help you. If not that doctor, go to another one. Do it quickly. You need the help of a professional to overcome this problem, whether it be physical or mental. Get the help you need, please.

I think you need professional help, lila. While hyperachievement.is commendable, it’s not sustainable. Are your expectations for yourself achieveable?

I’m saying this a the parent of one daughter who was accepted to two law schools at age 18, and another who developed an eating disorder and cut herself because of trying to keep up with her sister.

Could you say if there are any cultural issues that are pushing this pressure you feel? Are your parents really on top of you all the time? Do they expect great grades or they will feel great shame? Are they shamed if there are any mental problems in the family?

If this is the case, the problem is much trickier. You will have to find a way to stand up to your parents and maybe even everyone you know in order to get what you need.

You may be unable to sleep due to anxiety. Many of the other systems could also be a response to anxiety. Of course they could be from other things as well. That’s why it’s important to get a doctor to check you out. And you have to tell the doctor everything.

Also, you should know that the Doctor is not allowed to tell anyone anything you say, except for a legal guardian if you are under a certain age. I don’t know what that age is. In any case, no one else in the community will find out from the doctor, or you can sue his ass big time. The law says he must respect your privacy.

You do not have to perform up to the record of your siblings. You don’t have to go to the best college. You can still have a perfectly good life. This is America. People are free to make their living doing anything they are good at. You do not have to be a doctor, lawyer or MBA. You do not need a Harvard MBA to succeed. In fact, many people from places I’ve never heard of seem to be doing very well. But I don’t expect you to believe this.

THe real point that you have to face is nothing you are doing is working. You are not doing well by losing all this sleep and studying all the time for no point. In fact, it sounds to me like you might be trying to study yourself into the ground, so if you fail, you will have an excuse for being not so good.

One more thing. Let me tell you about expecting to be a hero at everything. Because that’s what I did. It landed me in the psychiatrist’s office, and later, a therapist’s office. This idea of unrealistically high expectations of myself (try believing you need to be the next Buddha, or something. I’m supposed to save the world, according to my brain)—it creates a huge mess inside you, often leading to the point where you feel the only option is death. Believe me. You don not want to go there. Go to a doctor instead. If your parents fight it, get help from your school. A guidance counselor can set parents straight.

Please?

I wholeheartedly second everything daloon said. Very well put, daloon.

thanks for all ur help and concern. I’ll look into getting help. Although I’d rather not go see a therapist cause I dont want colleges to think I’m a total nutjob. I think I’m just worried too much. After the end of the school year I’ll be able to sleep as much as I want. Until then, I’ll just hang in there. Besides I’m sure there r other ppl who have it so muchworse than me

Colleges don’t know about your medical history, either. That’s confidential. Most colleges, these days, also have excellent mental health programs. There are many kids under a great deal of pressure in college, and colleges have found a way to support them.

Also, I hate to say it, but suggesting there are many others who have it worse than you can also be a sign of depression. It says you don’t think you’re worth it. Believe me, I know that feeling. I struggle with it most days. I don’t have any easy answers for it. Not even any hard answers. Self-esteem is a real bitch to figure out—if you don’t have it.

I’ll make a pact with you. I’ll tell you you are worth caring about, if you tell me I am. Just kidding. You are worth caring about. You work hard (harder than is helpful), and you’re smart, and open, and you present yourself in a way that makes people care about you. It is worth your time to take care of your self.