What could it really mean when a man is 34 and has never had a long-term relationship?

1. He’s impossible to be with – spoiled, mama’s boy, still lives in the parents’ basement, or a jerk,

2. Gay and in the closet,

3. Celibate and not interested in relationships,

4. Not ready for committment – hasn’t found the “right one” yet,

or 5. Is growing up slowly in that way that guys do nowadays, where they extend the college mentality as long as possible. They don’t want responsibility because it’s a bummer, they don’t need a wife because they have many short-term girlfriends that put out just fine, and they really don’t have that much of a career yet because they took ten years to get that bachelor’s degree. Maybe he still drinks with his old college pals on Friday nights? This kind of aimlessness in life with no real reason to change is what’s making 30 the new 20.

Here are a few guesses right off the top of my head…..

- He’s afraid of committment
– He hasn’t found his soul mate yet
– He doesn’t desire a serious relationship in his life
– Certain aspects of his life won’t allow for a long-term relationship at this point in time
– Maybe he has misgivings due to regrettable experiences from shorter relationships in the past

This particular guy is very mature and works as an engineer. If that helps to narrow it down a little more. I think blue freedom might be on the right track.

Maybe he is very consumed in his engineering career and anything outside that sphere of influence is a threat or an obstacle for him

Some guys, just like some women, are just not into the couple thing. Sex and companionship are one thing, but being truly intimate and vulnerable is just not appealing to some people. There can be a million reasons why, like some of those listed above, but no one is ever going to be able to change him; he is going to have to want it for himself. Warren Beatty was 55 when he finally settled down and married Annette Benning. Some men just take longer than others, Or maybe it just takes the right person to inspire another person to want to change.

Maybe it’s not a priority of his.

Maybe he only has one tiny, deformed testicle and is so embarrassed he doesn’t want to have a physical relationship. Who knows. It could be anything. Can’t you just ask him?

Perhaps he’s asexual. My wife has a cousin who is exactly as you describe except that he’s in his fifties.

I just had a boyfriend named Wil who was an engineer and 10 years into his career. Everything described applies to him. Oh yeah – he’s 34 on the nose. So if you’re talking to Wil, stay teh fock away. He’s lulu.

Hmmm, he’s not celibate.

@squirbel- no worries. His name is not Wil. Not even close.

Perhaps it has nothing to do with the man at all. You say he is very mature and an engineer. Maybe he has tried, but the right girl hasn’t come along. Maybe being in a male dominated field, he has a hard time meeting and socializing with women. In other words, maybe he truly wants to be in a long term relationship with a wonderful woman, but the opportunity has never arisen for him.

@Les- Hi! I’m not so sure that is it. After 2 weeks of being together he broke down sobbing, telling me “everything was so fucked up” for him. Now, 2 months later, he seems depressed and wants to be alone. He also has told me he (5–10 years ago) would run away from a relationship when the woman told him he’s wonderful and great. Complicated, I know.

@chica,what’s his relationship with his mother like?

@alfreda- Good question. Hmmmm, I’m not entirely sure. He rarely speaks of her and I don’t think he sees her all too often, even though she lives only about 6 miles from him.
I met her briefly once. She was nice but not super warm, if you know what I mean. Something in my gut tells me he and his sister suffered through some traumatic stuff (abuse of some kind) in their childhood. Haven’t asked him about it. I suppose if he wants to share specifics, he will eventually.

Maybe he’s happy just the way he is.

Happily miserable, maybe. It’s rather sad I think.

he’s intelligent and happy with himself and his life.

He comes with way too much baggage and is not worth spending time on?

@gimmedat- is that a question or a statement?

I’ll say statement, but a question that you need to ask yourself.

@gimmedat-Ok, thanks. This is a very good point to ponder. I’ll try and remind myself of this when I get bummed out about it. Thanks again.

My oldest brother was always really shy and was in Vietnam and it really messed with his head. He was one of those innocent souls that had no business seeing what he saw there. He was in his mid 30’s before he recovered, and never had a serious relationship until his 40’s. He is married now and doing quite well.

@judi- Thanks for the encouraging story. Glad your brother is doing well!