General Question

KatawaGrey's avatar

Do men really want to date their female friends?

Asked by KatawaGrey (21456points) November 2nd, 2008

I was having a discussion with my boyfriend about how men view their female friends and he told me that men look for all the same quality in a girlfriend as they do in their female friends. He said that if any of his female friends had asked him out when he was single, he would have said yes, and he says that most, if not all, men feel the same way. I was floored when he told me this until I thought about it for a moment and realized that many of my good male friends would go out with me if I asked them. (This isn’t arrogance on my part, I have discussed this very same subject with many of them). Is this true of other men?

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48 Answers

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

well in some cases yes, most or in this case all my friends are female, and I Date them all.

asmonet's avatar

I know a lot of my guy friends have told me they’d date me if it came up, so yes?

brianinmn's avatar

I would say yes it’s true to some extent. If ur attractive and the guy likes ur personality I don’t see why ur surprised. My gf had the same reaction when I responded like ur bf. Nothing u can do about it just don’t be surprised when/if a pass is made.

Mizuki's avatar

Maybe unabashed group-sex is the answer.

Zaku's avatar

I have multiple female friends whom I don’t want to date. Some are attractive to me and some aren’t. It’s not a case where being friends means I would want to date them, or vice versa, if we were both single. But it’s also doesn’t mean that being friends means that I wouldn’t date a woman I was just friends with before.

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

@asmonet, I probably would too. (laughing)

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

Mizuki, I give you standing ovation.

asmonet's avatar

@wrestle: That’s not even a joke. Shoo.

MrMeltedCrayon's avatar

I think there is at least some truth in what your boyfriend says, though I think it’s safe to say the reasoning is different from guy to guy. I generally tend to think a good relationship has to have a good, solid friendship as a foundation anyway so I can’t say the idea of dating any of my girl friends is at all revolting. If any of them asked me out, I’d most likely say yes. Obviously I’m attracted to them in some way or form if they are my friend in the first place, and I’d think it’s the same with just about everyone (guys and girls).

That’s not to say that because there is an attraction that it is romantic (or capable of becoming romantic) or that the intention to start dating necessarily exists.

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

oh well sorry, you know just trying to be funny, if you need someone to shoo them away I’m your guy, I love “shoeing” people away.

irondavy's avatar

While many of the girls I’ve dated were friends first, it doesn’t work the other way around for me—when I was single I wouldn’t have dated any of my female friends that asked. Just those I was interested in! Pretty simple and I know I’m not alone in this.

adri027's avatar

yeah I think in most cases they do I am the type of girl that has a lot of guy friends and a lot of them have told me they’d date me and it kinda sucks because it not only makes me uncomfortable but I’d have to cut ties with them.

KatawaGrey's avatar

The thing is, he wasn’t talking about serious, hardcore crushing, he just said basically that any guy would go out with his female friends. The attraction doesn’t seem odd to me, it’s the fact that he would have dated them even though he was friends with them. I find that I am attracted to many of my male friends, but I wouldn’t want to date them because they are my friends. I would much rather have them as life long friends than a boyfriend for an indeterminate amount of time. Personally, that’s where the confusion for me lay.

mghb's avatar

They don’t look at females as dates but sex partners.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Well, I think we all do that on one level or another. I’ve never wanted to go out with a guy I haven’t been physically/sexually attracted to.

shadling21's avatar

My best friend is male, and he wouldn’t ever want to date me. That could be because he’s gay.

…But now I’m curious. I’m going to go ask all my male friends out.

PupnTaco's avatar

Date or bone?

forestGeek's avatar

I have a few female friends I would actually date and consider having a romantic relationship with, but most of them would only remain friends.

When the initial excitement and spark of a new relationship wears off, and it turns into a long term thing, aren’t we all looking for a “best friend” anyways?

Sloane2024's avatar

My best friend is a guy, and, although he’s never been too forward with it, he has feelings for me that I believe extend beyond the “just friends” range. Each of us are in very serious relationships, but occasionally I catch him looking at me in “that” way; however, do I, in no way at all, feel anything more than a very strong sisterly love for him. Even though he knows that I’ll probably marry the guy I am with now, his mom continuously throws hints at me that he wishes for us to be together. I’m not being conceited, so please don’t take it that way, but this is just our relationship. To speak for other males would be an inaccurate assumption on my part.

timothykinney's avatar

Personally, I wouldn’t want to do anything to break the sexual tension.

hammer43's avatar

yes, if you think about it…your best friend is your wife or husband, that is how I date, I’m friends first, trying to get to know them, then I will ask her out on a date if she is single.

susanc's avatar

@asmonet. lurve for the directive “shoo”. Wrestle, you too, for graceful exit strategy.

lapilofu's avatar

Proof by counterexample: I am a man. I have female friends, most of whom I do not want to date, many of whom I would not even want to hook up with. (Though, as an aside, I would like to note that neither wanting to date/hook up or actually dating/hooking up precludes a friendship.) Therefore the hypothesis that “men really want to date their female friends” is false. QED.

Mizuki's avatar

lapilofu—awesome deduction! lurve to ya

KatawaGrey's avatar

@lap: see, that’s what I thought. Lurve from me too for the counterexample.

jballou's avatar

No one thing is true of all men. Including this. You could easily find just as many men that would answer “no” your question as “yes.”

Fieryspoon's avatar

I don’t have any female friends I’m not romantically interested in, or was interested in at some point in the past. If I’m single, and I’m friends with a woman, I just don’t see the point in not dating, since obviously we get along already.

This has been a problem for me.

Mizuki's avatar

I’m sure my husband would like to have sex with half of my friends for sure.

imhellokitty's avatar

yep, your boyfriends right, they DO want to date their female friends.

jamesf9oo9's avatar

I have wanted to date every single one of my female friends at some point in my life, and I wouldn’t turn any of them down for a date unless I was dating someone already.

Mizuki's avatar

hell, I would not mind going a couple rounds with a couple of my female friends too….who knew?

airairariel's avatar

@mizuki oh youre too much haha.

as for me, i do have many male friends, and i’m sure that most of them at some point would want to date me. but the fact that i’m not interested in dating really kind of squashes that haha.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

well, as an extremely horny male, let me give you my two cents. There are certain female friends that I look at lasciviously some male friends too, but that’s a different question and others I wouldn’t even consider. Of course looking isn’t doing, so what goes on in my dirty little mind really doesn’t matter. I had a co-worker that I was drawn to in a purely sexual way, but I never acted on it. One, dating co-workers is always a bad idea, and two, my wife owns a gun, knows how to use it, and is vindictive enough to shoot me where it matters most. ouch! When that co-worker moved on, I was upset, and tried to rationalize it as missing her friendship. But I know why, and it’s of course that attraction. The sexual tension was exciting, though. Sexual tension always is, as long as one knows their boundaries and remembers the little lady at home is a crack shot.

jellyfish's avatar

i have male friends who mow my lawn and chop down trees for me and do stuff for me – then after a while they realise I’m not going there sex wise and all their helpful gestures stop abruptly. Nice.

Nimis's avatar

I wish you had said cut my grass instead of mow my lawn. Then I wouldn’t be feeling so juevenile right now.

hammer43's avatar

@jellyfish, you should have made it clear from the beginning and not use your sex appeal to get stuff done for you, or offered to pay for their services, that usually makes it clear on what you are feeling about them.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@hammer43: She shouldn’t have to specify that she’s not going to have sex with them. If somebody offers to mow your lawn, are you going to turn them down? maybe you shouldn’t assume that she was leading anybody on.

hammer43's avatar

@KatawaGrey my riding mower broke on me last summer and my neighbor mowed it for me all summer and asked for no money well you better believe as I was thanking them for helping me out money was in hand, all I’m saying is you can be grateful and offer money for services as to not get any misunderstandings.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@hammer43: Well, that’s nice that you tried to offer your neighbor money, but did your neighbor expect sex? Maybe jellyfish should have offered to pay her friends (we don’t know if she didn’t) but her friends shouldn’t have expected that doing favors for her meant getting laid.

hammer43's avatar

@KatawaGrey you are right about that her friends shouldn’t expect sex, but sometiems you have to ask, if she was a male, would they still be so helpful?

KatawaGrey's avatar

@hammer43: So it’s her fault? She should she just say, “Sorry guys, but since I suspect you wouldn’t help me if I had a penis, You can’t mow my lawn or help me out at all,”? Their motivations were flawed, not her acceptance of the help.

invic's avatar

yes and no. Look, i know i am an adolescent but here is what i think. I have some hot girl-fruiends and some not so hot ones. usually, well most of the time, a want to date someone is INSTINCTLY based off attraction. Now when i look at all the chicks, the fine ones are a tad too, pardon the vulgarity, bitchy. As for the women who are not so pretty, i would love to go out with them since i have began to know them better. yes there is that whole ordeal that you will destroy the friendship but if you dig the girl and like her as a person to begin with, then wtf did you do to mess up/ plus having the friend status prior to the relationship will give you a boost in how to romanticize the pretty lady with what you know.

EmilyBearclaw's avatar

i think i might be the girly version of the man in question… i tend to date my friends. right now, actually, i feel like marrying one of my very best friends who is a guy. i just feel like we’re perfect for each other… but i’m also insanely impatient, so even if we ARE perfect for each other, i’m pretty sure i’ll end up waiting a while to find out.

in other words, yes. every guy wants to sleep with his girly pals. maybe not date them, but they absolutely want to bang them. IMO.

FutureMemory's avatar

I have only had one female friend that didn’t ‘do it for me’, so to speak. I think it’s safe to say that most men are sexually attracted to the majority of their female friends. So although your guy pals may act like perfect gentlemen, you best believe when you wear something that flatters your charms he’s thinking “damn, I wouldn’t mind gettin’ some of that”. When you bend over he is looking down your blouse. When you wear tight pants he is staring at your ass. It’s just how men are hardwired; we can’t help it. Frankly it can be pure torture at times. And by the way, being in a relationship doesn’t mitigate it in the least. Not one bit.

ru2bz46's avatar

I don’t necessarily want to date my female friends…just have sex with them.

Hobosnake's avatar

Depends on the guy… I was showed very little attention from the female race until recently, and since then I have had trouble making a friend that was a girl without liking her. If someone has a variety of friends that are girls and doesn’t seem interested in them, they’re probably safe. However, making friends with someone like me is a bit more risky. It’s very nice to do, and can really help them (they need to eventually have a few friends that are girls to be able to have them, as confusing as that is), but it poses the risk of them liking you when you don’t want them to.

scotsbloke's avatar

I think if we are honest the answer would be yes, but if it’s a real friend, I know I wouldnt wanna spoil the friendship for a little fun.
Friends with benefits doesnt really work in my book!

jema22's avatar

I have wanted to date my female friends at some point in my life, and I wouldn’t turn any of them down for a date unless I was dating someone already.

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