General Question

Siren's avatar

What are some signs that a marriage is over (or going to be)?

Asked by Siren (3419points) November 3rd, 2008

My friend has been married for 5 years and her and her husband are always arguing. She’s not sure she should keep going or throw in the towel. Been rocky for about a year.

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10 Answers

krose1223's avatar

I think too many people get married expecting it to be all down hill from the time they say “I do.” It is work and no work is easy. It’s hard to say it’s over just because of arguing, what are the arguments about? For most fights I like to say “We only fight because we care.” But that isn’t always applicable. I think counseling helps and having alone time is VERY important. They should try to go on a date, or have “special time” atleast once a week. Maybe they just need to re-light the fire that was there when they decided to get married.

cheebdragon's avatar

When there is a restraining order against you…...

mea05key's avatar

arguing is part of a marriage. its quite normal. Couple need to argue to get things right i feel.

When couples stop arguing and dun care less about one another then thats where marriage is over.

GAMBIT's avatar

If you haven’t seen your spouse in two months it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

If you can’t remember when was the last time you had physical relations with your spouse it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

If your spouse accidentally calls you someone else’s name during an intimate moment it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

If your spouse comes home two o’clock in the morning smelling like Channel No. 5 or Old Spice Cologne it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

If you find your spouse’s wedding ring on the counter every time they leave the house it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

If your credit card statement has unknown charges to a law firm it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

If your credit card statement shows charges for stores you never go to or hotels you never stayed at it might be a sign that the marriage is over.

marinelife's avatar

i don’t think there are sign that a marriage is over. There are signs that a marriage is in trouble. There are signs that the couple has lost their way.

People need to think of a marriage as an investment. It is so worth your time and money. If the couple is unwilling to speak to a counselor, I recommend the Harville Hendrix book, “Getting the Love You Want.” It will help your friend get clear.

Your friend needs to get out of the trees to see see the forest before she can make a reasonable decision on whether to leave her marriage.

One last thing. Your friend could try responding differently to the same old arguments. If one responds in a different way, the other person also has to respond differently.

Siren's avatar

All great answers in my humble opinion – thank you.

Marina – I must disagree with you on one point. Sometimes couples or a spouse can’t read the writing on the wall – which concerns me about my friend. Sometimes, sadly, I believe the marriage cannot be resucitated. However, you offered some great suggestions/steps to go through before calling the marriage “over”.

susanc's avatar

Contemptuous behavior by one or both spouses is a clear signal that the marriage is
dead in the water.

augustlan's avatar

@susanc: My feelings exactly. Contempt is it.

Aster's avatar

You may be headed for divorce IF:
Your spouse acts like you’re not in the room;
Spouse starts going out at night, freshly showered;
Your credit card has a charge for flowers on it;
Your spouse searches for ways to insult you;
You come in unexpectedly and he/she hangs up the phone quickly;
He or she is on the pc in the middle of the night;
He or she is on the phone around midnight, whispering.
If ALL this is going on, kiss that union goodbye.

Loried2008's avatar

I say hang in there till 1) They’ve been unfaithful and/or 2) They’ve been abusive. Arguing is no excuse to end a marriage. Don’t get married unless you expect to deal.

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