I just got in a big fight with my parents can you help?

Does it matter who’s at fault? You can only change your attitude and your actions.

I know it happens so much over little stuff. I clened the house almost every day this week and for to say I don’t do s*** agrivates me.

id brush it off, claim “no fault” with the fight insurance people.

moms are strange creatures. but they have excellent rebound periods. id just try to keep up on laundry and cleaning. i live with 3 other girls and sometimes i want to kick who ever left their crap all over, but you realize how insignificant these things are. there are much more important things to worry about. one day you wont have a mom, and youll wish you had someone to help with the laundry.

How old are you? If you’re under 10 years old, your parents shouldn’t expect to much from you. If you’re a teenager or older, I’m going to guess that you lack respect for what your parents actually do for you (only because of the odds, not because I know you).

This phase of life changes as you mature and accept more responsibility for your actions and show appreciation for your parents efforts.

Write a letter, state that you are her son and therefore you feel comfortable enough to speak from your heart.

Changed my life that way.

There really isn’t much you can do. Here is a hint, don’t argue with them, just tell them you fucked up and will try to avoid doing it again.

When it comes to cleaning here is another hint. You will usually spend more time arguing about it then it actually takes to do the task assigned.

Have you ever successfully changed their mind?

Sometimes it’s just easier to do what your parents ask of you, even if it seems unfair and/or unreasonable at the time. And I am sorry that your mother swore at you; she said something to you that no parent should EVER sat to their child.

I’m 15 and she sometimes apologizes. But I feel like she has know idea and here I am mad at her cleaning the bathroom

one time i called my mom a bitch and she punched me across my face
lets say that was the last time i ever cursed at my mom.

@jdogg;
2 ideas here. 1. There may be something else going on in her life that is making her more on edge than usual. After looking to your parents your whole life it’s sometimes hard to realize that they are human, have bad days and make mistakes. It’s sometimes even harder for parents to admit it to their children.
2. Having your children grow up, and feeling like you are loosing control of them can sometimes feel very conflictiong to a parent. Her problems may not have as much to do with cleaning as they do with feeling like she is loosing control of you. When the opportunity seems appropriate, let her know that you respect her and honor her. Remind her of the values that she has passed on to you. She is human and gets insecure and makes mistakes like anyone else, and like anyone else has a hard time admiting when she’s wrong.

@Judi
(To be honest, I’m not sure why that was addressed to me.)

OOPs, I meant jdog. I’ll edit it :-)

Okay. I was thinking, “This is actually pretty much in line with what I meant.” Thanks for spelling my name right, anyway. :-)

(We now return to our regularly scheduled answers.)

idogg, Have you ever tried to do a little more than has been asked of you? Besides picking up dirty clothes, have you ever then washed them yourself? Try cleaning your room before you get asked to do it. Maybe tell your mother you are sorry she has so much house work to do, and could you vacuum for her, or scrub the kitchen floor? (which ever needs doing at the time)

It never hurts to show your parents that you are more observant and responsible than they thought you were. Not only will you learn how to keep house, you will gain respect and maybe more privileges. The cleaning jobs take far less time than a fight, and everyone ends up with positive feelings afterwards.

I am going to answer this as a mom. It sounds to me like your mom is feeling very unappreciated. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, putting dirty laundry in with clean seems like no big deal. However, by not realizing that the laundry in the basket was clean, you showed her that you really don’t pay a lot of attention to the things that she does around the house. This is not a question of who is at fault. There is no right or wrong in this situation. My advice – first – take greyladys advice and do things around the house without being asked. Second – you should apologize to your mom for mixing in dirty clothes with clean. I know,you don’t feel like you should have to, but do it anyway. From here on out – take a minute or two a day and notice something she has done for you, and thank her for it. It really doesn’t have to be an actual thank you – it could be something like – Hey, mom, that spagetti you fixed tonight was really good! That being said, you mom knows a lot more than you think she does. And BTW- my son had the nerve to swear at me during an argument – once. I knocked him on his ass!

My daughter, age 16, is what is known as a good kid. Yet so often she literally does not see a mess she has made that I then have to clean up.

Example: she makes her own lunch in the morning, which is a good thing. BUT she invariably throws the wrapper for the cheese on the floor and leaves crumbs on the counter. Once or twice is not a problem as I can suggest she remember to finish the job, but the constant occurrence, five days a week, in spite of my asking her to watch what she is doing gets on my nerves. What it says is that she is not really thinking about the task she is performing or the fact that she lives with others.

Now, granted, your mom was probably having a bad day, hence the bad words, but your gaffe may be a symptom of a more pervasive problem not uncommon to teenagers (and husbands, by the way). That is, your putting dirty clothes in with clean shows that you aren’t paying attention. Then your mistake comes after “She was complaining all morning for me to take my laundry downstairs.” That means she is already frustrated.

A suggestion or two: first do what she asks when she asks it, coupling it with a cheerful response such as “Right away, Mom!”); her having to ask you again and again probably didn’t help her mood any.

Second, pay attention to what you are doing so you can catch the details; she may even have wanted you to bring your stuff down earlier so she could do one big load (and save water!) instead of several small ones. Instead, you put your dirty stuff on stuff she had just washed, creating more work instead of less.

Third, as others have said, surprise her by doing more than you need to, or doing chores before she asks you to do them, or by thanking her for something she has done for you.

In the “good old days” your mom wouldn’t be asking you to bring your laundry down or help clean the house or even to go to school, because you would be outside somewhere trying to earn a living and possibly supporting your own household. Enjoy the fact that you have the luxury of not having to be a full adult yet, but surprise and please your parents by showing them how adult you can be.

@jdogg, coming from the mom side of things, we generally flip out when we are overwhelmed by other things. This is a good thing to learn about women in general: often, what irrationality seems to be about, isn’t it at all. She could really be stressing out about work, money, your grandparents, siblings, etc. and it just comes out as an over reaction about something little.

My advice, when she flips out, is to quietly say, I’m sorry. Do what she asks, and then letter blow off steam without saying anything back. Then, give her a hug and say I’m sorry I added to your stess, and let it go. It’s very hard to have an argument when one person doesn’t blow up as well.

I tend to flip out over newspapers left all over the living room, or people going upstairs without taking their stuff up and putting it away.

I am a mom and I get angry when I find dirty clothes mixed in with clean. While it can be read as careless, I generally assume it’s laziness.
I do alot of the laundry responsibilities, and don’t care to have to redo it. I also don’t want my child dressed in stinky or wrinkled clothes.
As a teenager, it is easy to be self absorbed. It’s part of growing up. Just step out of it a bit everyday to let your parents know you love and appreciate them. I lost my dad very young, and very suddenly in a boating accident. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to say I love you or thank you one last time.
Give mom a hug, put the fight behind you and keep your nose clean. All will be well soon enough.

While I agree with most of what’s been said (as a mother), I think I’d add a step here. When everything is calm, it might be a good idea to have a heart to heart talk with your mom and/or dad. Things to discuss: What you can do to lessen the stress and frustation levels (perhaps doing things without being asked, or at least before you are asked 15 times). What they can do to let you know things are escalating, before anyone flips out (saying “final warning”, or “I’m really getting angry.”). Things you can all do to show respect for each other (not cussing or calling names during arguments). After your talk, do your level best to actually stick to any agreements you’ve made, even if they don’t. This will teach all of you a thing or two about maturity and responsibility.

That’s good advice, augustian, about having a discussion during a calm period.

As I sat last night, folding laundry (while my husband watched TV), it dawned on me how easy it is to put dirty laundry into unfolded clean laundry, if the laundry basket with clean laundry is in a spot where the contents could be either clean or dirty. I brought clean laundry up to be folded, and left the basket in the side hall. When I went down to check on the next load, I really had to think about whether or not the basket should go down with me, or stay where it was.

How is one supposed to identify jumbled, just-washed clothes, from jumbled, needs-washing clothes? Sometimes the smell is a give-away, but it’s not always that obvious.

Is know, I know, my ADD is kicking in and this is a “bright, shiny object” of distraction from the original question.

@Alfreda – I have a teenaged son. All I have to do is take a sniff. Clean versus dirty is VERY obvious.

Well just too let you guys know that everythings ok know but I do have a giant list of 20 I must do everyday (laundry, my bathroom, kitchen, vacuum, my bedroom, the game room, pick up dog poo etc.)

So now the game becomes how to do it efficiently. Picking up is the hard part, so if you learn to see what’s out of place and put it away immediately, then you never have to pick up. When I walk from one room to another, I look to see if there’s anything that I can take with me as I go. Clean the sink after you brush your teeth, dry the shower door and walls right after your shower, hang up clothes or put in the hamper instead of putting on the floor, it becomes a habit, and the work becomes less. Get rid of stuff you don’t need, clothes you don’t wear, etc. The less stuff you have to manage, the easier it is.