How do people learn tolerance? Can you teach tolerance?

Don’t parents teach their children tolerance just by exposing them to it? I’m not stating that as a fact, just wondering if that fits the definition.

I think tolerance is something we all learn by observing and exposure, so to teach you would just need to practice it yourself and be the type of person in your life as a whole that others would want to emulate.

I can’t say it better, funkdaddy.

This is best taught in living rooms and dinner tables around the world. One of the biggest honors of my life has been to teach my children about our faith as Christians and how we, as Christians are ambassador’s for Jesus where ever we go. Rather than do the easy thing and follow the Christian lemmings down the road of hate and fear mongering, I chose to teach my children to swim up stream and treat non Christians with respect and tolerance. It is their job to reflect something other people aspire to, not to beat or legislate our values into people. Jesus lived in a very diverse society. He treated Romans and Samaritans with great respect and dignity. The only people he got upset with were the “spiritual elite” of his own faith. I wish more Christians would follow his example.

I believe hate is taught, therefore I believe tolerance can be taught.

If someone you respect exhibit tolerance and explains to you why. You will probably be more inclined to act a similar way. This works especially well on children. Their minds aren’t fully formed so it’s easy to manipulate their actions and thoughts.

Once something is learned it is extremely hard to unlearn it. The problem is getting to the kids before the parents. Children learn the most about society through their parents at a young age. What we have to do is teach tolerance and acceptance as early as preschool and kindergarten.

Its a shame so many parents have to ruin their child’s sense on unity because they can’t grasp that we are all equal.

I think it is more about exposure to diverse cultures and experiences than anything else (though what is “taught” at home certainly can affect things). If you grow up in a homogeneous environment, where you are only exposed to the same cultures and people as your own, you will not learn to appreciate the breadth and depth of the world. So, I think immersion in a rich, diverse environment is key.

I don’t think we can teach anything to anybody. All a “teacher” can do is provide information, and try to relay that information in a manner that is easily understood by the intended audience.

As a Women’s Studies major I learned so much new information, and that information changed how I viewed others and the world around me. Was this tolerance taught to me? I don’t think so. Many others in my classes did not receive the same edification as I.

That’s interesting, Tiny. I wonder if there is some other factor. Perhaps a difference in your experiences before coming in contact with the material, such as things one experiences when one is a member of a stigmatized group.

Yes you can teach tolerance. Show your love.

Example is the best teacher.

Daloon Maybe. It was all the snotty white kids from the Valley that seemed most resistant to the information. However, my wife is a snotty white kid from the Valley, and she is the most accepting, tolerant person I have ever known. Ok. I just contradicted myself.

@tiny, while there is argument for how we do learn and whether or not we are taught, there is no doubt environment plays a big role in the development in children. It i in the childhood stage that intolerance is born. If we make more of n effort to show children that intolerance is wrong, they will be better suited to make the right choice themselves.

Enzo— I agree. Is there something I wrote that conveyed I do not agree with your statement?

It seemed like you were saying that we learn on our own and it doesn’t matter what is spewed at us, we make our own decisions. Perhaps I misunderstood though.

To learn we must be exposed to knowledge, in all of it’s forms.

I agree, but more often than not we only get one side of the argument. And it is from that from which we learn. That is why I believe schools need to do a better job at combating this early on.

If children can be programmed to blow themselves up or fight in militias before the age of 10… they can certainly be programmed for tolerance.

I feel people learn tolerance when intolerance isn’t working for them anymore. If they are in a community full of intolerant people than that just makes it easier for them to justify it. I also think that some people are just naturally born more understanding because my brother and I come from a family where some pretty harsh judgements were passed but we never joined in or even thought like the rest of them.

It can and certainly should be taught to children. It has been a huge part of my responsibility as a parent on the path to raising good human beings. With adults, it’s not so easy. I believe I have had an effect on a few adults, getting them to examine long held beliefs and question their validity. It takes an awful lot of repeated effort, though, to get through the defenses. I think it’s worth it.

I was raised by parents of different political beliefs, religious backgrounds and views on relationships. One thing I walked away with, was not wanting to be like that. Not that I have bad parents, truly, from how both of them were raised, they had come a very long way in ways of tolerance, but still too harsh for me.

I think you learn by example and through making choices, in life. I see people fighting about religion and am floored when I see one Christian tell another they are not the right kind of Christian. OR…when I see a Christian shred someone over not believing. I am equally floored when I see someone that does not believe, tell a Christian or a person that has faith in any other religion tell that person they are crazy for believing in things that cannot be proven. Why is this necessary? Why can’t we just look past these things and coexist? It’s so tiresome.

On the other social site I am an active member on, politics got so ugly I refused to participate in any forum that would turn into bashing, well, that was just about ALL forums. Why can’t people be tolerant of others beliefs? Why does it have to be so damned black and white, all the time? It’s not, the world is full of gray…and no one is correct, all the time.

I believe we are given the basic tools in learning tolerance at home. Then, as we mature and start moving about in the world, we make choices and are possibly influenced by people we surround ourselves with. My husband and I have a crazy mix of friends – some artsy, some scholarly, some well…they just don’t fit into a mold. We have his mechanic friends, my “wine” friends. We have straight, homosexual, republican, democratic, atheist and people of different faiths that are our friends. We grow from this and learn more about the world and therefore, I believe that the differences that some cannot accept, we are ok with…there isn’t a fear of things, we ask questions, if we are afraid. We may not always agree, but we are tolerant, just as they are with us, of differences. We just see it as a learning experience.

Being intolerant, refusing to grow (as I see it), what purpose does that serve? Open yourself to the world around you – religion, non-religion, differing political views, sexual orientation….computer vs. non-computer people…whatever, open your mind a little, see that there are differences and understand that is how we grow. Hate, fear and refusal to accept, be tolerant or trying to learn about “differences” and have lost a beautiful opportunity to learn.

I took a cultural psychology class with an incredibly amazing teacher, which opened my mind to how intolerant I was. I think every one should take cultural psychology.

@monsoon- interesting! I’d love to hear more.

I am reading some terrific answers here. My brother and I had this discussion the other day. He said he had read somewhere that ninety-somthing percent of the time, tolerance, even acceptance occurs as a result of exposure. Somehow being exposed to different races, religions and sexual orientations removes the fear factor. Fear is what it boils down to. Growing up in the 60’s I remember my father expressing his disapproval of homosexuality. He renewed contact with his estranged family and made a trip across country to visit after twenty five years. He found his youngest brother was a gay man, living with a long time partner. He was forever changed by that and lived the rest of his life tolerant of this lifestyle. So yes, I do believe that it can be learned.
I just have to find acceptance in my heart for why on earth anyone would have voted for McCain! ;0) I’m off to hang out with Republicans!

removed by me

Didn’t Malcom X learn Tolerance when he went to Mecca? If I remember the movie right, he was pretty much a black supremacist until he went to Mecca and realized that diversity is a good thing. Please correct me if I’m wrong. It was a long time ago when I saw that movie.

I like your question Daloon. I think people can be programmed to want to learn tolerance. If it is done via mass media and popular trends, it would be a subtle yet effective tool. Kind of like feeding candy to a baby.

@Judi: Yes, you are correct. I read his autobiography. The man himself wrote that his life changed as a result to doing the pilgrimage to Mecca. Opened his eyes to other cultures/people who called him “brother” but had light skin. Very cool epiphany, if I may say so.

When I was in high school, I had a trimester class on Hitler and the Nazi party. As part of the class, we were discriminated on by random attributes—one day, everyone wearing the color blue, the next it was wearing tennis shoes, the next blue eyes, etc. We had to make up hate slogans and had a march around the school against white tennis shoe wearers. After about the 4th day, it became so annoying, and led to a discussion about why it was annoying, and how that sort of discrimination was no different than other types. Then we did an exchange with a school from a predominantly African American area. We exchanged copies of our favorite family photos, and it became apparent that everyone takes pictures of exactly the same things—babies, weddings, new cars, graduation, prom, etc. That was an impactful class, so much so that when I chose a preschool for my children, I picked one that was racially and gender balanced.

tolerance comes after experiences and long life.

So you think that children can’t be tolerant?

They haven’t had many experiences or a long life.

I believe children can be/are the most tolerant of all. Even though exposure is the most effective form of teaching tolerance, young children seem to be more open and receptive to new people and ideas. Everyone is their friend, no one is a stranger, and hugs can be given to anyone, for they know no boundaries, fears, or prejudices.

If everyone could retain the innocent tolerance of his childlike mind, catastrophes such as the Holocaust might have been avoided, the need for a Civil Rights Movement may never have been required, and the children of 9/11 might still have both parents.

GQ, btw. ;)

@cak – well, said teacher pointed out ways that racism against African-American’s is rampant in a covert way, which makes it hard to see, and easy to ignore/think it’s being imagined by the oppressed. Such as loan rates, getting a loan at all, diminished chances of making it to a job interview if the name on your resume sounds “black,” the cyclical way a person can be brought down, and then punished for acting in a way that their environment has driven them to behave. She taught us how “reverse racism” doesn’t exist, because racism has to be an institution, discrimination is what happens on an individual level.

At one point we all were separated by race into little groups (extremely uncomfortable), and did this exercise where we all started out a line across the room, and my teacher read out instances for which you would take a step forward or a step back (If you are a person of color, step back. If you have a job, step forward. If you have a car, step forward. If you weren’t raised by both of your biological parents, step back, etc.) You could see the white people all moving slowly to the front of the room and looking really uncomfortable about it.

It just showed me that it can’t be ignored. Being gay and being female also both helped me understand racism. Both groups are oppressed, and are often told that they are imagining it.

@monsoon- thank you for the description. Very interesting!

I haven’t read any of the responses here because my eyes hurt but I’m too addicted to Fluther to step away from the computer, so I’m going to toss in my two cents here and hope I’m not completely repeating what someone else has already said.

Personally, I learned tolerance through intolerance. I’ve experienced it and hated it. I’ve seen it directed at other people and identified with them and felt horrible all over again even though I wasn’t the one being hated/oppressed/whatever. So I adopted a “live and let live” way of life.

Tolerance is a mark of maturity as well. It is a mark of a larger world view.

Tolerance is learned in the same manner one learns to listen more than one talks.

Tolerance is learned in the same manner that one learns to develop a group of intellectual and spiritual mentors.

Tolerance shows that a person thinks of all other human beings as ‘worth’ the same as oneself. Recognizing that we all have different views, a diverse as our DNA code. That the view of a child can be as important situation as the view of an experienced lawyer in another.

Maturity teaches us not just when Tolerance is required by when it becomes laying down and passively losing the fights for everything you care about.

I think that Shilolo said it most succinctly, “immersion in a rich, diverse environment is key”

Tolerance really comes from learning about other cultures and understanding the similarities that exist between all people.

I just saw an article about a current effort to promote tolerance and understanding of all the world religions and cultures.

This seems like a great start:
http://charterforcompassion.com/

Tolerance as a general goal is worthless. Tolerance of people whose ways are different than your own is comendable, at a personal level, but tolerance of everthing is madness.

I have really enjoyed reading these responses! Lately, I have realised I’m intolerant when it comes to others’ belief systems. I want this to change