General Question

martinez00anita's avatar

Why do people say it's not your child if you adopt?

Asked by martinez00anita (272points) November 22nd, 2008 from iPhone

as long as I love him, he’s mine right?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

Bsilver's avatar

yes. I’m adopted, and as far as anyone is concerned, my parents are the ones that raised me. They just didn’t give birth to me. They have given me a family that loves me, that’s all that matters.

loser's avatar

Who says that? I’m adopted and I never heard about anyone ever saying that!

martinez00anita's avatar

why is it so hard for people to believe that?? Most people I know talk about it like it’s a sin? But why? If I’m helping someone out?

martinez00anita's avatar

When I tell people plans about adoption the first thing they say Is “oh that’s not your child”

That may be just central California… Maybe just mexicans?

bythebay's avatar

I’ve never actually heard anyone utter those words, and I’m thankful I don’t know anyone who would. Loving any child is a gift to them and to yourself.

Judi's avatar

I loved hoe Beau Biden corrected a reporter when her referred to Joe Biden’s wife Jill as his “step-mother.” He said, “Wait a minute, she IS my mother!”
That’s the way my kids feel about my husband too.

lynzeut's avatar

I guess biologically it wouldn’t be your child but tht dosen’t mean that the child and you can’t have everything that a parent and their biological child can have. and in some cases even more

cookieman's avatar

Because those are people who are fixated with their own genetics or family name or race or culture.

When we were adopting my daughter from China five years ago, a guy I worked with said to me, “Wouldn’t she be better off with her own people?”

That was one in a long line of comments from a few folks.

Ultimately, the person who raises you is your parent regardless of biology.

Anyone who implies differently with regard to your choice to adopt is a fucking moron.

I could eloquently go on in further detail about this (as I have in previous posts), but I’m gonna stick with “fucking moron” for the sake if brevity.

mzgator's avatar

I never adopted my step daughters, but I consider them my daughters too. Biology has nothing to do with love. Their biological mother walked out on them when they were infants of one and two years old, and looked back many many years later to have a “see you if and when I feel like it relationship.” I raised those girls, and they have my heart, just as my own biological daughter does.

Love is all that matters. It doesn’ t matter how your children arrived into your life. All that matters is that they know they are loved as long as you are fortunate to keep them in your life.

dynamicduo's avatar

All you need is love. Who cares what others say about you, as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters. You mention ethnicity being a possible factor in your acquaintances bringing it up and it certainly could be, different cultures may have different opinions. But that’s no excuse for being rude and pushy about the matter.

AstroChuck's avatar

Who the hell said it’s not your child? Whoever says that doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. I have three daughters, aged 27, 25, and 8. We adopted the 8 year old when she was just two days old. I love her every bit as much as my biological daughters. She is as much my daughter as her sisters are and no one can tell me otherwise.

susanc's avatar

They say it because they think blood is thicker than water.
Different strokes. But it hurts. Tell them. Let them rethink saying such things.

boffin's avatar

@Bsilver @loser… and @AstroChuck… Yes…
I too am adopted… Those folks that raised me ARE my parents.
Therefore I am their child….

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Every child deserves to be a CHOSEN child. Giving birth does not make you a mother. It’s what comes after that does.

cak's avatar

I have two biological children and until my cancer was diagnosed, we were on track to adopt (the approval was rescinded, due to my health). We were so excited about the thought of having another child and were devastated when it didn’t happen.

You made the choice to be a parent, that children is your child! Enjoy every minute of it, even the trying times.

(oh, for the record, my step-dad…IS my father and he rocks! He’s wonderful and never once made me feel like I was anything but his.)

augustlan's avatar

I call my step-father ‘Dad’. My children call my step-father ‘Grandad’. I called my biological father by his first name. Genes have nothing to do with it.

AstroChuck's avatar

Unless, of course, your dad’s name is Gene.

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