Hey TheBox193, I understand what you’re saying. About feminism and the change in gender roles. And I agree that the female should show that the male means something to her, but not necessarily with money, and in her own special ways.
I was raised with the belief that the male is the head of the household, and the primary financial provider.
This is because the female has one of the hardest jobs on earth: being a mother. She needs to know that her male can provide for her while she takes care of the family. And I strongly believe this is why my parents have the amazing relationship that they have today. I’ve literally never heard my parents go off on each other, or even had the inkling of divorce in our home. Their love for each other showed us a very obvious picture of what a home should be like.
As I grew up, I learned one very important fact about parenting: One of the greatest things parents can do for their children is to love each other. My parents both played their key roles: my father the provider, my mother the nurturer.
Just some background on where I’m coming from.
Now to answer your questions from my point of view:
Do you think that guy always have to take on this cost?
Not 100% of the time, no. For me–at first–it is very important to establish her in your mind as someone that is worth your time, and specifically, money. After being together a while, you will form your own relationship based around finances. I’ll use me and my girlfriend as an example: At first, I would pay for everything. This includes nice dinners, outings, movies, whatever. After months of dating, she said very plainly that she didn’t want me to pay for absolutely everything, especially if whatever we were doing was her idea. If we went to a movie she wanted to see, sometimes she would pay. If we went biking, which was my idea, I would pay for the drinks & food that came after. etc etc.
What about this feminism and ‘flattening’ of gender roles?
My opinion is very clear. I am 100% for women as equals. There was never any difference, society just clued into this for some reason :P But I think there’s a difference between feminism and being a very strong & influential woman, and their outcomes and consequences. I’ve seen some women do amazing things, never asking to be treated equal. Yet I’ve seen some feminist activists that protest day and night to be treated equal, but get nowhere. The protest I’m talking about is figurative, they’re not actually walking around with signs and stuff.
In my future, I want a woman that knows I will be there for her 100%. Weather it’s financial support, or emotional, I’m there. If there’s only 1 woman out of 100,000,000 that is like that, I would go for her, instead of the lot. I’d rather someone who will never waiver in love and trust, than someone who will wake up one day and decide she isn’t in love anymore because I’m not making as much as she is.
Would it be fair if the female were to do the opposite for the guy, that is pay for him and he should accept it because he is worth something to her?
Yes. But as I said before–in my point of view–this will come after the initial romancing. I would never ask a girl out to a movie and not pay. Or take her to a nice restaurant and make her pay the $90+ bill. That just screams douchebag.
As for your comments about chivalry. I think the term has always been a bit overused, and ended up being ‘dead’. I try hard to treat everyone I know with great respect and honor, not just women. I’m pretty sure anyone with common sense can see right through bad intentions. As long as your intentions behind your actions are true, you shouldn’t have any problem.
I don’t believe that there’s just one person for everyone. That would basically mean, it would just take 1 person to screw up the entire grand scheme. I strongly believe that you find someone you are willing to work for, and keep. For some it’s easier find, for some it’s harder to keep. For some it’s harder to find, and easier to keep. I think your chivalry is honorable, and your respect for women to be held with the highest esteem. Those women you talk about, the ones who don’t pay attention, the ones who don’t really seem to care. I think the only question you need to ask yourself is this:
Are you sure you’re wanting someone like that?
Cause honestly, it sounds like you’re trying to please women that obviously don’t get it. I say this out of experience: look for the 1 in the 100,000,000. You’ll find her. And she’ll treat far greater than any of those other women could ever conceive.
Sorry for the long post, but I hope this helps.
Again, this is just from what I’ve learned and grown up believing, and it’s been working out very well for me so far. I have an amazing, successful girlfriend. Amazing, loving parents. And amazingly awesome friends.
Life’s pretty good once you figure it out =]
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