What is it with compliments?

There’s nothing I want more than to know people appreciate what I do. Yet, when people compliment me, I often try to deny it, or deflect it. Sometimes I get downright defensive, as if the person had criticized me, instead of complimenting me.

I have a couple of excuses for this behavior: I have low self-esteem; it’s embarassing; it makes me uncomfortable; I think the compliment is misplaced. These explanations just don’t seem adequate.

Compliments should improve my self-esteem. I speak before groups a lot, and sometimes I make a gaffe, and that doesn’t bother me. Where does the discomfort come from? Why should I care that I get complimented properly? Is it a strange form of honesty?

People might say I have talent, or I’m intelligent, or it’s incredible that I can do something such as improvisation.

These things are just me, I think. Nothing special. Nothing worthy of note.

Is anyone else like this? What’s going on here? Why can compliments be so hard to take?