Got any holiday limericks?

I’ll give it a whirl…
There once was a man from the pole
Whose belly was so round he’d roll
His annual flight
was a marvelous sight
but the workload took quite a toll.

Probably not quite as clean, but it made me laugh, and I made it up:

There once was a girl from Atlanta
Who wanted a little toy panda
Her parents wern’t rich
and she was a B!%ch
So she didn’t get it from Santa

At Christmas the Christians do love
to give thanks to heaven above
It’s different for Jews—
Instead of sitting in pews—
Chinese food in their mouths do shove

‘Tis the season for all to be jolly,
as they decorate houses with holly,
it’s really quite sad
that the put-upon dad
would rather be watching footbally!

In Philly the people are jolly
When they see the mass transit folly
It rides on the rails
Except when it fails
It’s known as the Christmas Trolley.

Santa is driven by Reindeer
And Elves work for nothing but beer
But Santa’s a stickler
and Ma Clause is picky-er
So don’t mess with holiday cheer!

Christmas brings Joy and Salvation
And hope for Peace in all Nations
So stand up and sing
It’s the Birth of the King!
And Join in the Hymn of creation!

Some people write poems so quick,
that it makes the rest of us sick.
so give us a break
by neglecting to make
the ultimate Christmas limerick!

I want to go play with my sled
That Mommy hid under her bed
I asked for a Wii
But I peeked and did see
She’s sending me outside instead.

No mas. No mas.

you can do it daloon!

I’m down on the mat
the count’s almost ten
Don’t think I’ll get up again.

Let’s celebrate Christmas with palm trees
and a warm southern Ocean breeze
With pineapple ham
and good candied yams
You can keep the cold snow, if you please

does the last word of the second line HAVE to rhyme with the last verse of the first line to make it a real limerick?

I’m going to Christmas at Granny’s
She makes cookies and yummy beef stew
I love how she hugs
like a bug in a rug
I’m happy my granny is you

As we wait for that Oh holy Night
And search for that bright Christmas Light
May your heart be filled
With the joy of the world
And the Glory of Christmas ignite

@Judi, are you just pulling all of those out of your, um, ear, spontaneously, just like that? I mean they’re all original and new? Wow, my compliments, and lurve for all the ones with perfect rhyme and scansion. That’s a worthy talent indeed. I think you ought to put it on your resume.

Did you know that Isaac Asimov used to generate limericks as a party trick? He’d take a person’s name, find a rhyme for it, and create a custom limerick on the spot.

(And yes, the rhyme scheme is a fixed and immutable AABBA, with three feet each in lines 1, 2, and 5 and two in lines 3 and 4.)

So granny’s stew isn’t a real limerick. :-(
Yeah, If I would have been born 20 years later I probably would have been a rapper.
I’m going to have to think up some more now…... All I needed was a little encouragement!

One Christmas a burglar named Billy
Tried the chimney, but fell willy-nilly
He got stuck in the flue
With his face near his shoe
And was found the next day looking silly.

My Holiday wish for Jeruba
is to vacation on the Isle of Aruba
But a wish is a dream
I don’t mean to be mean
But she’ll probably stay home and play Tuba

@Judi, <big grin> That is better than the one Isaac Asimov did for me! (Sorry, I can’t tell you what it was, but to be fair, Jeruba would have been an easier rhyme.)

If I had the talent of Judi
Who is cheerfull and never too moody
I’d be able to write
A limerick tonight
But it seems I can’t do my duty!

Here’s my contribution, @Judi: it’s real now. (Everybody needs an editor.)

It’s Granny’s that I’m going to.
She makes cookies and yummy beef stew.
She hugs me so snug,
Like a bug in a rug.
I’m happy my Granny is you.

@Knot, did you make that one up? Great! We’re loaded with limericky talent around here!

Hey! I made up mine, too!

There once was a man with a sliver
painfully stabbing his liver
When he went to get care
no one was there,
He said, “what am I, chopped liver?”