General Question

manahouri's avatar

Is there such a thing as 'virgin' behavior?

Asked by manahouri (93points) September 18th, 2007

I went out with a very attractive woman who’s mid-30s but very reserved. I think I was a good time, but she just seemed very physically restrained. I’m wondering if she’s had much experience with physical affection.

Also, as far as I know, she hasn’t dated much.

Is this ‘virgin’ behavior?

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7 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Could be victim-of-abuse behavior, first-date behavior, or I’m-just-not-that-into-you-behavior.

Statistically speaking, your odds are somewhere around 1 in 25 adults.

hossman's avatar

Or possibly its-not-you-I’m-just-not-very-physical behavior, or it’s-not-you-but-I-really-don’t-like-people-but-I’m-going-out-so-people-won’t-think-there’s-something-wrong-with-me, or I-only-said-yes-so-our-mutual-friends-won’t-discover-I-have-a-different-gender-preference.

manahouri's avatar

Thanks for the statistics, kevbo, that’s actually somewhat helpful. Don’t think it was I’m-just-not-that-into-you behavior; not because I’m so great, but just because I gave her ample opportunity to back out, and though I don’t know her well, she’s always behaved that way.

And despite the other possible hyphen-induced disorders she might have, she really had no reason or pressure to say Yes (ie from friends or even from me, etc.)

I am fairly sensitive about what makes a person uncomfortable, and I seemed to be making her fairly uncomfortable from a sphere of about 6 inches, which seemed pretty far. Victim-of-abuse also sounds plausible. <sigh>Nice woman, too.

extolsmith's avatar

Not drunk enough.

gailcalled's avatar

18” is the normal comfort distance for non-intimate relationships between Americans. Try several more dates and keep a little further away. If she is a nice woman, ask her if and how to proceed and if she is interested in more intimacy. Nothing like talking. Good luck and keep us posted, o great one :-)

manahouri's avatar

No one keeps a ‘normal 18” comfort distance’ on a date. And that’s not a normal comfort distance in NYC; sorry, I should have mentioned that. One can try and talk about that, but from my experience, when a person has non-verbal issues with physical contact, they’re not usually comfortable being confronted about it.

I don’t get the ‘o great one’ comment. Are you being sarcastic?

I’ll say right now, I’m not the slickest dating dude in the world, but I’m also not known for being rude, obtrusive or imposing. I’m basically nice. I can tell, however, when a person is uncomfortable, and I don’t like to freak them out. I asked here as a shot in the dark to try and get some feedback from anyone who might have had a similar experience, not because I want a quick fix to zoom into bed. She seems like a nice woman, but without physical comfort between the two of us, a relationship is just not going to get far.

gailcalled's avatar

Sorry, I was speed reading and saw “because I am so great,” rather than “not because I am so great.” My apologies,

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