How do you remove cum stains so that UV light won't show it?

I’ve tried many ways to do that haha. But I still haven’t been successful! The best thing I can think of is bleach, because washing it doesn’t seem to help!

Maybe it’s time to just replace the sheets, Zack.

Maybe Monica Lewinski can help?

Tell your parents it’s none of their business. If that doesn’t work, hide or destroy their UV lights.

Use the Man Show Protein Remover seen here

You could always keep a gym sock nearby.

Simple, stop masturbating. lol

Triozoo: He’s a young guy. That’s not an option.

Who in the world is going through your room with a UV light?
Assuming you’re talking about your room?

Try a pet stain remover or a detergent that removes blood stains. It exists. I just can’t remember the name of it. Fred Meyers carries it.

An explanation: The painter is coming to paint my door and for some reason he uses a UV light. My parents are always supervising any work that is done in the house, so they will see. Thanks for the tips for the future, but I need something that will work on the already stained things.

Remove the door and take it to the garage, explain how it will be easier to paint out of the frame, then see if your Dad has an explanation about what they find in the garage…

Let me get this straight:

a. A painter is coming to paint a single door?
b. He’s coming at night to do this, armed with a UV light?
c. His UV light saber will swing directly over your sheets (hopelessly stained but not removed from your bed [which is inches from your door])

While,

d. Your parents will be watching his every move?

Wait, did you say “things”?

God, I love fluther.

@bill: I don’t have a garage, and its -10 degrees celcius outside.

@peedub: He’s painting all the doors on this floor. I don’t know why he uses a UV light, but he does. My mom usually stays with the painter and engages in smalltalk.

@shililo: yes, I don’t have the best aim, ok.

it sounds like the guy may need the same kind of suit shilolo is wearing when he goes in your room, zack

Zack, anyway to change the sheets and just remove the “things” until he leaves?

In that case you should cover your bed with stuffed animals, unless they are tainted too!

Hey zack…they already know. Let her be the embarrassed one.

Worse comes to worse,
wipe things down with Woolite.
That stuff shows up under a UV light.
No one is going to believe you have that kind of coverage. Aim or no aim.

OH! Nimis… genius.

@Nimis – LMAO!!

You should just pull the painter to the side and tell him where not to point his UV light. Assuming he is a fellow male and u can get them away from your parents.

What the fuck are you aiming at, dude?

lol dude you cummed on a door? hilarious

can you not just… make your bed? i mean, you know, cover the sheets with what they’re supposed to be covered with—> the quilt.

or is the comforter one of the “things” ?

@Pup- Maybe he’s more like a fountain.

ugh

I’m with Allie, hide the evidence!

This Q rocks!

I want to understand something…

How in the world did you cum on your door?? Better yet..WHY would you cum on your door?

For goodness sakes people, he didn’t cum on his door. Someone is coming to paint all the doors on that floor of his house. It’s called home improvements. Mmmmkay?

Make sure that whichever method you use to rid your “things” of the stains you use the same method if you are chosen for Room Raiders. UV are unforgiving.

lmao
Thank you Fluther you made my night.

well if its not on his door, then the UV light wont pick it up in his bed half a room away with sheets on it. and also why are your sheets that dirty shesh. use a sock man, they come up missing alllll the time

Better yet, use someone else’s sock! (my wife hates that!)

contact solution (yes the cleaner from the little galss things in your eyes) have a protein removing agent.

worth a shot?

soak it down then wast normally (3 pack at costco/sams club arnt normally that expensive)

and dude, get a girl…... please

Thank you for not spelling it “come”.

Ok…...this might sound like a dumb questions, but what would you use the sock for that everyone keeps suggesting? Or how is the sock used?
I’ve been married thirty years and have never heard of the sock thing and never seen husband use one.
What are we missing out on??!!

All I have to say is lol4rl.

@basp: put the sock on…but not on your foot. kind of like a fuzzy warm condom.

Speechless – really – I’ve got nothing. Wow.

jholler
After this many years, I thought I’d heard and seen everthing!

(this does explain the mysterious disappearance of socks I noticed throughout the years I raised my two boys!)

I have no comment other than to say that I have tears rolling here. The visual of a sock is just killing me. Argyle, anyone? LOLLLLLLLLLL

They’re best straight out of the dryer…but you don’t need me to tell you that.

i’m gonna say my eyes bulged a little when I read the title of this question lol….

Still speechless, ugh.

Wow. I can’t believe you still sleep in that bed. Don’t sh*t where you eat, you know? I mean of course you can do it in the bed, but take a minute to grab a towel or something. Jeesh.

Elijah: no offense my friend but, “shit where you eat?” it’s just solo sex….. The bed is where that is supposed to get done.

Best. Thread. Ever.

Judo: I agree it’s the right place. just grab a towel, a sock, a napkin, whatever. I’m just saying, if there is that much built up that he is worried about a painter seeing it….. I wouldn’t lay in crusty dirty sheets even if it was just my own mess. If you drooled all over your pillows would you still put your head on it day after day? I doubt it.

@Zack, update? Did the painter come yet? (pun intended)

I shared this thread with a good friend who’s not on Fluther. She said, “What’s the problem w/cum stains?” This is ballsy, but have you thought about just having a little talk with your parents. They probably wouldn’t be shocked. And as someone said above, the painter would probably understand too. (Even if it’s on the door.)

this brings the saying “he’s a loose cannon” to a WHOLE different level…. :)

Ok, I know my naïveté is painfully obvious here…. But I am still stuck on the sock thing. Isn’t that a bit cumbersome? And don’t you lose some of the…. Eh..errr…sensation using a sock?
(if I’d known about this sock thing earlier,I would have invested in some sock company!!)

No longer speechless; but still a tad ugh-ed out.
@trustinglife, I have to say that is NOT a conversation I want to have with my son. I’m not naive and I understand the need, but OMG do not make me have a chat with him about it. That’s his business. Also, as long as I do his laundry, he better find something else to clean up with and not use his socks; maybe I’ll put a paper towel dispenser in his room.

Wow. I have learned a lot while reading this thread. I am still confused about a couple of things:
1. What other things (save a clean-up article) would one get cum on?
2. Why would a teenager ever tell his parents about his masturbation?
3. Who the hell is the painter with a UV light?

I know I am repeating, but I am totally struck full of wonder with this question and the subsequent responses.

@basp you put the sock over the head near the end and “fire” into said sock. ;)

@btb, Ok ok, yeah – I never had that talk with my parents as a teenager. Good point.

Just spray this stuff all over the room, and everything will glow. Use the…white color…

You naughty little nippersnapper.

Uberbatman
Thanks for the visual image. Somehow that just sound a bit uncomforable to me. I’m going to check with husband tocsee if he has ever heard of this. I can’t believe I never heard of this before. LOL

He has basp, and if he says he hasnt heard of it, hes lying.

I never heard of the sock thing, either, and I’m 41 and quite open! Got to ask someone about this…

Good heavens, how will I ever fold my sons socks again?

@aug its not like we go around telling people heyyyyyyyyy i just jerked off into a sock…..

not that i do this, as basp guessed, it is kinda awkward.

@uber: Yeah, but I’ve been present at the time, and all I’ve ever seen is a towel, tissues or nothing at all…maybe men want to keep the sock thing a secret. Oops, too late now!

personally im not a fan of the sock, but it is good for mess control :P

Oh yeah…we use your socks, btw. They’re softer and tube socks are just too much to deal with. :-)

@bythebay – don’t look for your son’s socks, you probably don’t want to find them :P

I just grab a tshirt from the dirty laundry, lay it out and pretend it’s Masuimi Max and my wife high fiving me with thier mouths open. Sweet Jesus!

I am STILL laughing here! Uberbatman, you are a complete HOOT!!!!!!! LOLLLLL

I’m never going to ‘unwatch’ THIS question!!! ;-)

Sock handling tip, for household laundry technicians: Do NOT, repeat NOT, handle the toe region of said sock. That is all.

<—-did laundry today wearing gloves…

This just keeps getting better & better…LOLLLLLLLLLL

oh, watch out for gloves too.

And that thing you slide the rolling pin into when you’re making cookies.

My gloves will be hidden in a secret place and thank goodness I don’t bake. I only use the rolling pin to beat my husband with! :)

What in the world is “the thing you slide the rolling pin into”???
My rolling pin sits in the drawer naked!

There’s a cloth sleeve that fits over a rolling pin that prevents the dough from sticking. But both ends are open on that. You’d have to be careful that nothing escaped out the other end, LOL!

Jbfletcherfan,
Sounds like one of those newfangled things I’m too old for. I always dust my rolling pin with flour to keep the dough from sticking.
........sorry to have strayed so far off topic…...

Straying off topic, and in such a serious question! ;-)

@basp, I don’t have one either. It’s just flour for me, too. :-)

Yeah, i just dust my ‘rolling pin’ with flour too, no need for a sock.
oh, are we talking about baking or…solo love making?

If I was going to do ‘solo love makin’, it sure’s hell would NOT involve a rolling pin sock. ‘Course, I don’t have anything to put in one, either. LOL!!! ;-)

So, Zack, how much hush money did you have to pay the painter?

[June] I want to know what the outcome of this drama was.

no comment, btw im drunk right now [june 20th 1:37 am]

No comment? That IS a comment… C’mon!

but its saying that im not aknowlwdging your queston

No fair. hmpf.

You don’t have to aknowlwdg it, darlin’. Just answer it.

Have another. That’ll do it. Here, there’s champagne left over from the reception.

Now I’m sober so I definitely won’t answer it. However there’s gonna be an open martini bar at my house tonight… lol

You won’t tell us what happened when the painter came by in your mother’s company and shined his UV light in your room? And what you did to avert a gasp, and whether it worked? Awww. I didn’t ask you a thing about your socks.

Actually, I didn’t want to talk about this b/c I didn’t want to revive this thread. But since it already happened, the painter did his UV thing, he made a bad joke about girls and then did his work. Luckily my mom was out doing errands during the UV time.

Some threads live on (and on) because they show up in the “Siblings” list. I never saw this when it was new, but my curiosity was aroused. Thanks for relieving the suspense.

I just discovered this question (April 4th, 2011), and I about peed myself from laughing so hard! This is almost better than the frizzer!

This is right up there with the frizzer and the cake sender.
@Jeruba said “my curiosity was aroused. ” ;-)

I will no longer pick up any wadded up socks from under my son’s bed. Stiff or not, I’m not touching them.
This might explain why my socks seem to disappear, I was blaming the dryer.