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henry_david's avatar

I made out with my best friend and...

Asked by henry_david (67points) January 12th, 2009

I visited my best friend (who’s a girl) at college this past weekend. I had a lot to drink and she didn’t but the night ended up with us making out. It went no further but I still feel weird. How can I handle this? I don’t want a relationship at all with her but I know she’s had feelings for me for a long time. Shoot me?

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22 Answers

Bluefreedom's avatar

Sit down and have a nice, comfortable heart to heart talk with her. Good communication is vital in any relationship or friendship and it is a great place to start.

archaeopteryx's avatar

You can either hurry up and go propose to her, or yes, shoot yourself.
But instead of shooting yourself, I would recommend jumping off a bridge.

OR, you can promise yourself never to drink alcohol at all, at least not when you’re at your best friend’s house.

henry_david's avatar

hey, uh archaeopteryx, thanks man. haha. nice to have a light-hearted comment mixed in.

bythebay's avatar

There’s probably a beautiful rationale as to why you had a lot to drink and she didn’t. Perhaps she was hoping for exactly this type of outcome? No matter how you arrived at this weird pint, you’re here. If she truly is “your best friend”, this shouldn’t be that difficult. Call her (because you said she’s away), and tell her that you adore her and you value your friendship… and you just don’t want that to change. You may get lucky and she may let it go, but then again you both may have damaged that fragile balance. Good Luck.

henry_david's avatar

thanks bythebay. as to your reasoning, id say so. also, i hope that balance is still able to be maintained.

bythebay's avatar

@henry_david: The end result may all boil down to your handling of this. Be kind, sincere, and tactful. Making out with her was probably big fun, but showed very little tact. And if you have trouble maintaining your good judgment while drunk, I recommend taking along a co-pilot for safety. They can watch your back and remind to wipe your beer goggles off every now & again! Good luck! ;)

Cardinal's avatar

“Perhaps she was hoping for exactly this type of outcome?” or you are just a pig who can’t hold his booze. If you had no feelings for her, why put yourself in this position and shhoting yourself is so messy for those left behind, think of something else.

bythebay's avatar

I don’t think henry_david made a good move, but if he was drunk and she wasn’t; she certainly should have been of more sound judgment. And I think by calling her his best friend, he’s clearly stating he has feelings for her. Stranger things have happened.

cookieman's avatar

I married one of my best friends. So stranger things have happened bythebay.

@henry_david: you could remain open to a possible relationship. There are certainly worse foundations than friendship.

bythebay's avatar

@cprevite: Aren’t you a lucky man! ;)

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

“I don’t want a relationship”

Is that followed by now, at this time or with her?

If the answer is now, at this time, then you know what to tell her. If it’s with her, then perhaps you need to rethink why she’s your best friend; perhaps you’re overlooking something that, when your guard’s down, comes out.

cookieman's avatar

@bythebay: Don’t I know it

Perchik's avatar

In my experience, male/female best friendships seem to always have one person having feelings for the other. I’d say figure out why a relationship with her isn’t good for you. I’m dating my best friend and it’s worked out amazingly. I’m not saying you have to date her, I’d just try to figure out why you don’t want to date her. I think AlfredaPrufrock makes a good point. Clarify that statement to us (or to yourself) and go from there.

Being drunk doesn’t make you do things you don’t already want to do. Alcohol makes you more open to something you’ve always wanted to do but have [responsibly] held yourself back. (whether or not you were aware of wanting to do it is a different story)

judochop's avatar

Being drunk can in fact make you do things you don’t want to do. It clouds your judgement and makes you horny.
Since you made a bad descion with her I suggest nothing more than what most of the collective has offered as advice already… Talk to her but understand that it won’t be easy. If she is your best friend then she should understand who you are, drunk & sober. Just because you make out once should not decide the fate of a best friendship. Apologize to her and I hope she apologizes to you as well.
Now if you lead her on and are not telling us parts of the story then it’s totally different and I suggest a gift and a plea for forgivness.
Why are you not interested in your best friend? I married my best friend and it kicks ass. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot.

Mizuki's avatar

send him to prison for kissing her….

Perchik's avatar

@judochop Clouding your judgement doesn’t mean changing your character. Your judgement generally keeps you from doing things you want to do on some level. Clouding it just allows you to do those things.

judochop's avatar

@Perchik : I could totally disagree my friend. I work in the Vodka industry and I see events happen all over the place where I see and hear things that normally would or do not happen. I see it all the time.
Working in the industry I do not drink that much because of all the things I see people do when they are drunk or stories I hear about folks when they are drunk.
If you get enough drink in to someone you can be persuasive.
Some people’s character changes after a few drinks, feed them lots of drinks and they can become an entirely different person.

Perchik's avatar

Well, I’ve seen people do all kinds of things that they hate the next day, but it’s always some primal desire that they want, they just wouldn’t do because they know better. When you take out the reasoning process, they do.

judochop's avatar

@Perchik : I mostly agree with that. Relieve the reasoning process and almost anything can happen.

Cardinal's avatar

I knew there was a reason(s) why I don’t drink!!! Thanks Judo and Perc

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