What do you say to your brother, who hasn't spoken to in 4 months?

“I really miss you.”

Alfreda said it best :)

Seriously, say what is in your heart. There is no “right” or “wrong”. Just be honest, kind, well-intentioned, and understanding…and everything will be fine.

Just make him feel like you support him no matter what. Fake it. This will make it easier for him to leave her if he ever figures it out. It may sound hard but it really does work.

Hello might work.

If this woman is a negative force in his life she will be gone eventually. He loves this woman, enough to marry her. Going from that to rejecting her will take him time.

Assuming your version of events is accurate.

Don’t get mad at him. What does your uncle say is going on with him? Perhaps she’s really just insecure and not very bright?

Alfreda’s answer is excellent.

Also maybe “I’ve been thinking about you.”

I’m another vote for Alfreda’s answer. That’s really the best start you can make. You don’t want to be another person putting pressure on him. Whatever you do, you don’t want to make him feel like he has to choose between you and his wife.

It sounds like you’re leaving a big big something out of the picture. Something happened, and we have no idea what that is. But this is the person your brother has chosen to be with. You might ask him if there’s a way you can still have him as a part of your life. That might mean inviting her along. It might mean meeting him for lunch once in a while alone. Whatever it is, let him tell you what would work for him. If you’re open to making that effort, he’s a lot more likely to make some effort to make something work, too.

I wish you a lot of luck. Let us know how it goes.

Last week I saw my brother who I haven’t seen or talked to in fifteen years. We hugged and cried. Wasn’t much need for a whole lot of talking.

Thank you for all your help. To answer one of your questions: there have been a number of things that have happend. There have been negative e-mails back and forth and letters sent in the mail from “my brother” that have been very hurtful towards my parents. Eventhough i feel my parents pain (but i don’t show it) i tried extremely hard to mend things between us. Its a lot easier when the other person is willing to do the same. Thank you again

(My parents however, did not say anything negative or hurtful towards the couple what so ever. They simply were just trying to say goodbye, or see you later in this case)

A handy phrase when you are in the middle of a situation where you can’t make other people happy, but need to patch things up is “be that as it may…” As in:

Your brother really hurt our feelings.
Be that as it may, is don’t you think we need to make an effort to be a family again?

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you so much!

I ran into him today. I saw him standing there and i looked at him and everthing i’ve been doing to prepare myself for this moment just went away. I took your advice. I yelled his name and I ran up to him gave him a big hug, he said “how are you?” and i just said i miss you. Then he let go turned away and walked away from me. Do you think this effected him in anyway?I just don’t get how he could never go more than two days without talking to me and then after 4 months just walks away. Then i ask myself did i just do the right thing by calling him out like that?

I think you did fine. You have nothing to regret. If he couldn’t handle it, that’s him, not you. He greeted you with some warmth before he went for the reset and walked away. Let’s see what a little time will do.

Exactly.

How can you argue against “my brother loves me”?