General Question

onesecondregrets's avatar

What does it mean when someone you're dating asks "what are we?"?

Asked by onesecondregrets (2591points) January 22nd, 2009

..and how the hell do you respond?

He told me a week ago he was crazy about me.
I like him. He makes me feel good. He’s a good person to me.
I just get vibes that he doesn’t want anything more than this.
So I don’t press the whole “what are we” issue.

From a dude does it mean more like “what are we” so I can kick this and find someone else or..
Or is it a “what are we” ‘cause I wanna be with you.

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24 Answers

asmonet's avatar

It means they are looking for clarification.
You might want to respond with all the things you said up there.

I like you. You make me feel good. You’re good to me.

Vinifera7's avatar

I don’t do the dating thing, but from what I’ve heard it’s pretty standard for people in a relationship to want clarification of their relationship. It’s not a bad thing. Answer truthfully.

I’d say that if he’s not into you, he probably wouldn’t be asking the question.

aidje's avatar

Communication is good. No reason to worry.

jrpowell's avatar

Are we exclusive?

edit :: It is a good thing..

madcapper's avatar

Run… fast.

scubydoo's avatar

Sounds like he likes you as well and maybe you make him feel good. or just maybe you could come back with a question for him. “what would you like us to be? or what do you think we are?” Just see what he wants and then start the communication from there on how you feel about him. Just be truthful, there’s too many uf us “good” guys out there that get lied to.

onesecondregrets's avatar

Ah thank you thank you to all of the answers thusfar. Run…fast.. pshh now that’s just mean!

@scubydoo: I learned lying about feelings only makes matters worse in the long run and hurting someone else like that is probably one of the shittiest feelings, ever. So, promise I will absolutely be honest no matter what.

I responded saying “you know I dig you and I’m not opposed to anything, just don’t know about where you’re at.”

He said “I feel that, I just don’t wanna jump into anything, you know?”

Again, I really can’t read guys when they talk about their feelings. Now I’ll take another half hour to respond to him, haha.

scubydoo's avatar

Sounds like he’s not really wanting to be in a truely serious relationship at the moment. So best advice Id say is to just take it easy and just stay where you two are at in your relationship, be it friend or other. Don’t really push the issue much further. there is always a possibility that if you push further, you end up losing what you have.

asmonet's avatar

Take it slow, keep on doing what you’re doing. Just let things happen. Sounds like you both dig each other so you may as well let the chips fall where they may.

warpling's avatar

I hate that question…
I would have trouble responding as well. Try to ask maybe why he asks for more context and then answer truthfully as you described to us.

onesecondregrets's avatar

Seriously. Worst friggin’ question ever. I read the text on the way home from hanging out and just stared at it for a second and was like “Fuck my life.”

You guys are pretty rad at walking me through this one, haha thank you.
I just answered him saying “I hear you. Just gotta let things happen is how I see it. You think we’re jumpin’? haha.”

And we wait.

jrpowell's avatar

Seriously, if a guy is getting some action he isn’t going to screw that up by asking that question.

He wants you to be his girlfriend. He just sucks at asking for it.

asmonet's avatar

Lurve for ‘fuck my life’.

scubydoo's avatar

ditto. “lurve” Out of curiosity, how “serious” do you see you two? I’d say pre the question being asked?

onesecondregrets's avatar

Amen, johnpowell amen to that. He is really bad at this kind of stuff. When he told me he was crazy about me it was after he jumped up and down and all around his words. Finally I cut him off and I was like “kid, just spit it out.” Hahah.

Fuck my life basically is reiterated 13123 times during my days.
Our lives just give us so many reasons to demand fuckage.

Scubydoo- I know he’s not the alpha male for me haha but I do like him enough to be more than friends. And because of this, I don’t know about being with him only because I don’t want to be with someone if I can feel that they aren’t the absolute person I should be with because nothing is more fun than dealing with a relationship that is going, or has gone to shit and that’s what happens when you settle!

As usual, this leaves me in the “I really don’t know what the fuck I want” stage.

onesecondregrets's avatar

Oh and he hasn’t responded. I waited so long he probably fell asleep, hahah.

scubydoo's avatar

just take a deep breath and relax. put on your fav song or do the thing you enjoy the most. sounds like you need a night to sleep on it. Or just from an outsiders perspective looking in, you may have answered the question yourself in what you should do about your relationship. Personally, I’ve always tried in relationships to get it to be the “one”. If things didn’t work out or if I saw it wasn’t the one then It’s been best to break things off. It’s just something about me wasting my time and the other persons time if it’s never meant to be. BUT, that is just my views not necessarily other peoples view. Then again, I still have yet to find that special someone. I thought I had a couple times, but things didn’t work out. Life sure is mysterious and full of “suckage” at times. I guess what I’m saying is, sleep on it, you have the rest of your life to figure out things.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Aaah, I had to go back and read this question again. How long have you been together?

flameboi's avatar

If a girl comes asking “what are we?”, you might expect from a guy…
1. We are friends! (stay, he might be in fact a good friend in the long run)
2. I don’t know (yet) (run away, and fast)
3. We are dating, that’s good enough for me (he wants to have breakfast with u a couple of times and then he will be gone)
4. What do you want me to be (run, you cannot be with a person that doesn’t really know what he wants in his life)
5. I want you to be part of my life (stay, it’s one of the most difficult answers to get, he is saying I love you clean and clear, well, maybe not that clear)
6. I want you us be more than what we are now (stay, he is trying to say I love you, but is kind of affraid)

onesecondregrets's avatar

@AfredaPrufrock.. We’ve been seeing each other since the end of November. make some very valid points with all those possible responses, haha especially with #4, so true.

He actually has said he wanted to be a part of my life before, I was taken back by that. But he was like “I like how we mean something to each other but aren’t in each other’s lives” and he was like “Wait no that sounded wrong.. not that I wouldn’t want to be a part of your life..I would love that but I like how it’s not constantly like ‘what are you doing’ kind of shit.” Haha, so yeah.

He never responded, just texted about something different this I don’t know. He’s so weird. But thank you nonetheless. :).

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Sounds like “take it slow” and he won’t be interested in moving in any time soon.

cordovanessa's avatar

i think it means that they are unsure if you feel the same way and they want to make sure that they are not bieng led on or getting the wrong impression, just be straightforward and tell them what you thought you guys were , and what you would like to be and hopefully you guys will figure it out.

flameboi's avatar

It’s o.k. I’m a weird guy too, and that does not make me a bad guy :) You will find out what he wants soon….

omaa_et's avatar

girl i understand you…i am being asked the same question..and i real dont know what say..will it be weird for me to say i want him to be in my life

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