General Question

charliecompany34's avatar

Who are you attracted to?

Asked by charliecompany34 (7804points) January 25th, 2009

what do you see in your significant other or spouse that others don’t realize?

a beautiful girl, in my opinion, from my childhood, could have had any boy who saw her beauty. in years past, she married somebody who was, well, ugly. how could this be?

why do we look on the outward appearances, because in reality, sometimes the outward beauty has much baggage, but we just have to have “the beauty.”

what is it about your mate or S.O. that attracts you? for some reason i am attracted to gwenyth paltrow, sandra bullock and bernadette stanis from “good times.”

i met my wife, who is very attractive, on a day when she had a car full of kids. why was i not abashed by this?

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38 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

His intelligence, humor and smile.

Intelligence- He is very smart, which is not expected since he works on a farm.

Sense of humor- Very funny to me, it’s an aquired taste.

Smile- I find it very sexy!

vindice's avatar

sense of humor

augustlan's avatar

His big, rugged looks are what first attracted me (lust). His brain and the way his mind works is what made me look deeper (interest). His heart is what hooked me (love)!

Bluefreedom's avatar

Her generosity
Her communications skills
Her compassion
Her love for animals
Her ideals
Her patience
Her composure
Her beauty
Her energy

Aethelwine's avatar

@augustlan A rugged man is very sexy, I agree. Congrats on the 10,000!

augustlan's avatar

@jonsblond Mmm,hmm. And thanks :)

tennesseejac's avatar

i like spunk and a big beautiful brain, an open mind and a good heart, then physically i usually go for a contagious smile or a hefty set of eyes that reek of passion

KrystaElyse's avatar

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I like a man who is confident, intelligent, has a great smile, witty, trustworthy, loving…oh and for some reason a strong jaw line, I don’t know why but I find that to be really sexy.

amanderveen's avatar

Intelligence (which doesn’t have to be “book smarts”), kindness, humour, positive energy, compassion – those are a few of the things that definitely make a person attractive to me.

I’ve always found physical appearance to be secondary, personally. There have been many times that I’ve found someone I consider very beautiful or handsome much less appealing or attractive to me romantically than another who was less physically attractive – just because of the differences in their personality. When in my teens, I actually had a really hard time telling if I thought a guy was attractive by looking at a picture. I suspect this might be due to being bullied a fair bit by people from all points of the attractiveness spectrum when I was a kid. A picture just never provided the info that I was looking for to determine “attractiveness”. Eventually, I learned to differentiate between physical attractiveness and what I consider human attractiveness. (I’m not sure if that quite makes sense – I don’t think I have quite the right vocabulary to describe exactly what I mean, though.)

Aethelwine's avatar

@amanderveen Emotional attractiveness maybe? I know what you mean though. I can’t find the right word either

figbash's avatar

Looks are secondary to me, but I seem to be hardwired to only be attracted to men with dark hair and interesting eyes. I don’t like really go for “classic” looks or normal standards of beauty. I also like faces that are different and have character like funny imperfections, distinct noses, scars or moles.

Personality-wise, I tend to be attracted to people who are incredibly strong and have overcome major adversity, people who aren’t afraid to show vulnerability, people who demonstrate serious concern for others, strong intelligence, passion, randomness, creativity, resourcefulness, and most of all, a really, really good sense of humor. If a guy can make me laugh to the point where I have to vomit, I’m hooked.

dlm812's avatar

First and foremost, I fell for his heart. The first time I met him, I was on a date with another guy and hanging out with a huge group of people I didn’t know at all. While my date socialized, I sat on the tailgate of his truck by myself. My now fiancee saw me from across the way and came over to talk to me. He was kind and sincere and after just five minutes of talking he made sure to come hug me before I left. From there, we formed a beautiful friendship and I learned that in addition to his great heart, he was/is incredibly intelligent (although he doesn’t like to show it), extremely funny, caring, loyal, honest, and a bit macho. I fell in love with all of these things about him, and I was also physically attracted to him because he has gorgeous blue eyes (with short brown hair… swoon.) and a great body.

It also helps that he drove a nice truck ;)

tennesseejac's avatar

@figbash i hope there are more women out there like you, because your description is pretty much spot on “me”

Blondesjon's avatar

The fact that she wasn’t immediately repulsed by me.

she also sat through my inebriated retelling of the 3 Little Pigs while we were locked out of my apartment

@jonsblond…Love you baby :)

wundayatta's avatar

Creativity and sensitivity, and intelligence, of course. Also politics. She had the right politics.

I met her at a dance workshop (creativity) and when we danced together, we did a hand dance, and her hands were incredible (sensitivity). She needed a ride home, and I was going her way, so I took her. We stayed an hour in the car talking about some pretty seroius topics before she went in (intelligence). This happened for two more weeks, and the third time, she invited me up.

Darwin's avatar

Genuine kindness
Incredible skill in the kitchen
Shared history in a way (we both grew up traveling, and then traveled more as adults; also we had ties through Asian culture)
Sense of humor
Cheekbones to die for

laureth's avatar

The first thing I noticed was his long, beautiful hair. But that was just the lure. His intelligence, wit, great kissing, odd sense of humor, and attitudes about various things were the hook. The fact that he actually wanted to reel me in was key, too – not everyone thinks I’m a catch.

SuperMouse's avatar

A whole human being, a brilliant mind, a true heart, an amazing sense of humor and lots, lots more.

No comments please Gimmedat.

Siren's avatar

His gentleness
His mellowness
His kindness
Being non-judgmental
Being easy-going
Being easy on the eyes
Being an animal lover
Being kind
Having strength in reserve
Being a rock to lean on
Being careful about what he says to anyone
Having a sense of humor
Being considerate and thoughtful
Being open to change and new experiences (ie being flexible)
Being a great listener

susanc's avatar

He had kids. He had a 30 year old Volvo. He was quiet. He had a very very nice butt.
Is there more?

breedmitch's avatar


Jack79's avatar

I lived together with my current gf before we started dating, which is sort of weird. In the last 6 months we’ve been through thick and thin, and she’s always stood by my side. She appreciates me and is always there for me. And above all, when there is a problem between us, she tries to work on it, without the usual selfishness and stubborness.

augustlan's avatar

Breedmitch and Gailcalled sitting in a tree…

augustlan's avatar

Maybe a threesome with Jeruba?

breedmitch's avatar

Dirty Auggie Doggie.

wundayatta's avatar

Makes me wish I were a grammarian. [sigh]

cak's avatar

@augustlan…see what happens when you hit 10k?? Silly Auggie Doggie!

His compassion and understanding that life is overwhelming and sometimes, you just gotta throw out a life line – even to those that you really don’t know. That is how our relationship started out – and continues. His laugh, his laugh lines – I love those. His honesty and ability to admit that he’s wrong – and ability to allow me to be wrong. His openness to life and acceptance to change. His constant need to learn new things and try some of those things too. The way that he’s okay that we decided to make some very big changes in how our relationship works (for the better) and not to look back, we both know we made the right decisions.

I love the way that he just knows when I need to lean my head on his chest. I love the way that we can just look at each other, not say a single word – out loud, but hold an entire conversation with our eyes.

I love the way that even when we argue, by the end of it, we’re cracking each other up – because we realize the absurdity of the argument and turn it into something really silly.

I love that years later, we’re still discovering each other, in so many ways we never thought possible.

I love that he sings – quietly, when he thinks no one is listening, he has the most beautiful voice, I’ve ever heard.

susanc's avatar

@cak: Can we share? He doesn’t have to sleep with me.

cak's avatar

@susanc – hey, if you lived near here – you’d probably be friends. Keep in mind, that would mean you have to listen to his jokes…they’re pretty corny!

susanc's avatar

@cak: deal-breaker. Damn.

cak's avatar

@susanc, I know. He’s damn near perfect…but those jokes!

Knotmyday's avatar

You. wink, wink

90s_kid's avatar

Let’s pretend I never read that quip.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Men who have big brains, small egos and a sense of humor. And they don’t whine about taking out the trash. Aggressive, mean bullies I can’t tolerate.

Coloma's avatar


You just took the words right out of my mouth.

Yes…in that order! lol

MissA's avatar

A man who makes the effort to look through me…is beckoned by the beat of my heart, and who enjoys my expression of life.

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