General Question

sferik's avatar

Do you want to outlive your spouse?

Asked by sferik (6099points) January 26th, 2009

Or do you want your spouse to outlive you?

Do married couples ever arrange to die at the same time (synchronized euthanasia)?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

39 Answers

shilolo's avatar

This is a very tough question, but I think that most people don’t want to outlive their spouse, if only to avoid the grief associated with dealing with such a situation, and the loneliness that would come after.

cak's avatar

My dad passed away, recently. My mother is devastated. If my mother passed away and my dad was the surviving spouse, I know he’d be devastated, as well. They were best friends – as well as, husband and wife. My husband and I have talked about this – it would be horrible, either way.

I can’t answer. It’s too painful on either side.

elijah's avatar

Nope. I’m selfish. I want to go first.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Not really, no.

miasmom's avatar

No, I want to go at the same time…like in the movie Bicentennial Man. Or if not that, then before my hubby.

wundayatta's avatar

I want to live a very long time. Should I do that, it would be likely I survive my spouse. However, I have many more health risk factors than she does, so it is more likely she will survive me. I would never agree to synchronized euthanasion, or individual euthanasia (at least, as my thinking is now), but I do think it might be easiest if went at the same time.

This is ironic, because I have spent much of the last year contemplating ways of euthanizing myself. Depression can make you go against everything you ever were. It’s nice to be near to being myself again.

aprilsimnel's avatar

No. I wouldn’t want to outlive my spouse.

Supergirl's avatar

Assuming we are talking long healthy lives, then I would want to go before my husband did. Totally selfish, but that is the way I roll.

pekenoe's avatar

Simple answer, in my mind,

No I do not want to live longer, but, she does not want to outlive me either. So, I would prefer to live the longest to save her the anguish. I will not survive long after she passes, so I will not suffer either.

Common (synced) euthanasia would be by her choice, not mine. I would participate if she chose, yes.

autumn43's avatar

At this very moment? Um, yes. Ask me again when he’s out of the doghouse.

cak's avatar

@autumn43—- oh no….that’s not good!

autumn43's avatar

@cak – to be fair: if he was asked this I know he would say that he would want me to go first….LOL!

funkdaddy's avatar

Absolutely, I don’t want to put her through anything like that. And I do sad a lot better than she does.

She however, is going to get stuck giving birth first, we all carry our burden ;)

susanc's avatar

I survived my husband last year. But I’m still married, separation is incomprehensible, I’m still living with him. If he’s gone, I’m gone. I live in our marriage. I read old notebooks, I touch his belongings, I talk to the dog about what he meant by things he said that I never understood; I’m still with him, he’s still with me.
We used to talk about dying together, but he died fairly early. I still have work to do, and some of it is his; I had to stay. But I wouldn’t say I didn’t die with him. I partly did.
So I would say, don’t bother to die together. You do anyway.

cak's avatar

@susanc – Wow. Very moving. Gotta find a tissue now! {{{{hugs!}}}}}}

cyndyh's avatar

I hope we both live so long that the survivor isn’t aware of anything being amiss.

tinyfaery's avatar

No way. If she goes before me, I’ll follow right behind.

Jeruba's avatar

I…I think so <gulp>. It would be horrible for the kids if they had to deal with losing us both at once, and I think I can help them through losing my husband better than he can hold things together if it’s me. He just doesn’t process feelings very well, and they are going to need someone who can express things and connect to what they’re feeling.

On the other hand, again truthfully, I think I’d miss him more than he’d miss me because he spends so much time inside himself.

We both do okay with a lot of solitary time as long as we know the other is there within reach, and I just think that absence would and will be bigger than either of us can imagine.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Since my husband is 5 years older than I am, chances are that I will outlive him. And it scares me to death. I’ve always said that we’re going to die together. In some kind of a crash..plane, car, whatever. We’ve been together since I was 17 years old. I don’t want to be alone.

DrBill's avatar

I plan to live forever, and so far, I have.

Sakata's avatar

As long as the kids are out of the house 1st then yea, I want to live longer. I want to live longer than everyone.

“That’s the secret to life… not dying.” — George Carlin

Jeruba's avatar

In her nineties my grandmother mourned, “There’s no one left who remembers the old days.” To me, being the last one standing would not be winning. It would be tragically lonesome.

Blondesjon's avatar

I would accept whatever hand fate dealt so long as I was assured of all of my children outliving me.

wundayatta's avatar

I think that if you are planning to live a long time, as I am (all my financial projections, which have gone to hell, assume me and my wife living to be 100), it will be important to make new friends who are a generation or two younger than you. Or better yet, live in a multigenerational cooperative community. Ah well. Pipe dreams.

amanderveen's avatar

My husband passed away three years ago at the age of 26. Needless to say, when we got married, we thought we’d be together a lot longer than that. I don’t know whether I prefer that he went first or that I would have. It was a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but I also wouldn’t wish it on my husband. So I’m at a draw on this one.

autumn43's avatar

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who shared your stories of love and loss. I was very touched. And, I found everyone’s answers very fascinating.

Blondesjon's avatar

@sferik…lurve for synchronized euthanasia.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@amanderveen, how tragic. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

amanderveen's avatar

@jbfletcherfan – Thanks. At least we were able to make the most of the time we had together. I try to focus on the good that aspects of our time together as much as possible, rather than getting too bogged down with the bad that snuck in.

susanc's avatar

@amanderveen, How fast were you able to do that? Advice needed.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@amanderveen I admire you for your outlook on what was surely a life changing tragedy.

lovelace's avatar

I think that if I have kids, I’d like one of us to be around. Having at least one parent is better than losing both…I think. I just couldn’t imagine life with him. I just pray.

maybe_KB's avatar

I’m always right anyway…lol

amanderveen's avatar

@susanchttp://www.fluther.com/disc/33423/how-do-you-deal-with-strife-and-mortality/

(My answer started to get kind of long and I didn’t want to sidetrack sferik’s question too much.)

InEv3's avatar

This is a very difficult question to answer although honestly I’d have to say from impulse I feel I would rather live the longest and most fulfilled journey of life with my significant other that we’ve reached that point of understanding where we can start the next chapter and explore the plan that God has intended for us.

The more I linger on it , it’s depressing to think about such a day!! But I’d have to agree with a few other’s at passing at the same time =^.^=

juwhite1's avatar

Ideally, we’d both die together, unexpectedly and quickly! That said, I definitely don’t want to outlive my spouse. He already lost one wife, and I wouldn’t want him to ever go through that again. I’d rather have to go through losing him than have him have to go through losing me.

YARNLADY's avatar

I already did that, twice, and I would never wish it on anyone. I’m hoping it won’t happen again.

sferik's avatar

@YARNLADY if you fell in love again, would you avoid getting married in order to avoid outliving your spouse again? Would you agree that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

YARNLADY's avatar

I have been happily married to husband number three for nearly 35 years now. I cannot answer for ‘never loved at all’ since I have no idea.

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