General Question

wundayatta's avatar

Why do people make such a big deal out of Valentine's day?

Asked by wundayatta (58599points) February 4th, 2009

People seem to obsess over having a date, and giving lovers a gift, or making everything perfect, as if they have one chance, and one chance only to win the heart of their beloved. Or maybe their date. Or maybe the guys are just trying to get lucky.

But, shit, there are 364 other days of the year to be with your love, and try to love them well. So what’s the deal with Valentine’s day?

Except, I know my kids love chocolates

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38 Answers

skfinkel's avatar

Love is all there is.

chyna's avatar

I honestly don’t remember it being that big of a deal when I was in high school and college. I think it’s a hallmark and flower shop gimmick.

chelseababyy's avatar

I’m not sure. You’re completely right. There shouldn’t be just ONE day to show your love, you should show it EVERY day. Sometimes, though, some people like that day to put in a little extra effort.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I’m a total killjoy and I hope I don’t rain on anyone’s parade but, Valentine’s Day really does nothing for me. At all. Sorry to those that really like this holiday.

I can get my wife cards and gifts all year long which would be much more signifcant to her and I then trying to make a huge point of it all in one day in February.

dlm812's avatar

I celebrate my love for my fiance every day of the year… I just love any reason to spoil him without him putting up a fight though; Therefore, Valentine’s Day is a big deal for me (as well as Christmas and his birthday). This year, he’s either getting a new (used) truck or concert tickets to the Eagles. I can’t decide.

laureth's avatar

Even though there are 364 other days to be romantic, very often people don’t take that opportunity. It sux to think that you need a “special” day to remember to say “Hey, babe, I love you!” but without that poke, people often forget, or are too busy, or just take for granted that their lover knows.

I don’t know why people obsess over it and make it a bigger day than it is. It’s just a good excuse to make your (generally female) partner happy. For guys who feel that it’s a little too flowery, there’s always March 14 – Steak and a BJ day. To even things up, ya know?

My husband proposed on our second Valentine’s day. It’s a more romantic story than saying “Oh, he just proposed on… what day was it?” It’ll be memorable for years to come. And the chicks, well, they love the romance. And so do some of the dudes. ;)

chelseababyy's avatar

@laureth, March 14th is my anniversary.

laureth's avatar

I hope it’s happy, then! ;)

chelseababyy's avatar

Thank you :D hahaha

wundayatta's avatar

@dlm812: thanks for that comment. It does make sense that men might not want a fuss, and it gives you a good excuse to do something for him. That’s nice.

Usually, though, it seems like it’s the other way around. Women expect a big deal, and if the guy doesn’t do it, he loses points, but if he does do it, he doesn’t get very much positive stuff. Or maybe not. Women do seem to go all gooey over romantic stuff, on average.

But Valentine’s day and the size of the rock, and the size of the gifts given—far too many women seem to judge men this way, and all it really is is an excuse to make themselves look better in front of their friends. I mean, if women are the only ones who care, then they are the only ones who can appreciate the effort a guy goes to. Guys probably are just happy when they can get through it without hurt feelings.

laureth's avatar

The only gift I wanted was my sweetie, and I would just as soon cook up a nice meal and split a bottle of his rose petal mead than do anything else (until later, eh?). He’s never given me a rock of any size, and I wouldn’t want one. He gave me himself. What more could I want?

desiree333's avatar

At my high school everyone is buying their boyfriend/girlfriend chocolates flowers and candy etc. It buggs me because I feel so left out. Im single so I know I wont be getting anything and its kind of depressing. There is ythis one couple one locker down form mine. They have been together like 3 years and they are maknig a big deal out of it. Its just a big Hallmark ploy.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I won’t get anything. I never do. But I got over being mad about that many years ago. I am loved 24/7, 365 days a year, so it’s no big deal, I guess.

gee, a card sure would be nice, tho ;-(

bythebay's avatar

Because it’s fun.
Because it’s one more excuse to celebrate the one you love.
Because you get to eat candy with no guilt.
Because you don’t need to over think everything.
Because you can.

@desiree: I give all my girl friends cards also, because everyone deserves to be loved – it’s not just for couples.

chyna's avatar

My first Valentines Day after my divorce, my brother sent me pity flowers. I really did appreciate them as I was feeling low at that time.

dlm812's avatar

@daloon No problem. I completely understand that most women do make WAY too much out of Valentine’s Day and what their SOs get them. I think that is all silly. For me, holidays like this are about love and giving to others – not about me. I’ve never requested/wanted/expected jewelry, candy, flowers, etc. and I never will. The gift for me on these holidays is for him to simply let me show him that I appreciate him and want to do something nice for him (He’s one of those very simple, low-key country boy types who gives and gives and gives and NEVER expects anything in return… I can’t count the number of times he has helped friends time after time, or loaned them money and then just let it go when they didn’t pay him back or return the favor. ) And everytime I try to spend big money on him the other 362 days of the year (minus V-day, X-mas, and D-day) he refuses to let me do so. I know I could show him how much I love him without spending money or doing something big, but he deserves/needs some things (like a better truck!). Plus he’s been talkng about seeing the Eagles before they get too old forever and tickets are $90/person at the cheapest.. so I can’t really just spend that money whenever.

dlm812's avatar

@bythebay I love that you give all your girlfriends cards! I always try to do that too, or at least call them and say happy v-day. Let’s face it… except for the sex, I’m pretty much in a relationship with my best friend so she needs to know I love her on St. Valentine’s Day too!

aprilsimnel's avatar

Because it’s something semi-interesting to do between New Year’s and Easter/Passover.

cyndyh's avatar

Well, I like having one more day that has a special sort of context to it. We have multiple anniversaries (the days we first met online, the day we met in person, the day we got married), V-Day, B-days, Xmas, Isaac Newton’s Birthday, New Years, St. Patrick’s Day, MLK Day, both solstices, Fourth of July (or day they set a mountain on fire in Tucson), SeaFair (especially the Pirates Landing), Folklife, Bumbershoot, Oktoberfest, Halloween, you name it. I just love a celebration.

I do show him I love him other days of the year, and he shows me he loves me. It’s more of a ritualistic marking of the seasons and a different focus to the celebration depending on the day.

madcapper's avatar

It’s just a day to make single people feel shitty and then buy bull-crap for someone they “secretly” love and then ultimately fail… ahh the corporate machine. Also a funny note in our super-Christian society we celebrate a day where Cupid is the mascot. fuckin’ pagan heretics…

Jack79's avatar

Because there’s money involved. And that means a lot of people have a lot to gain by making a big deal out of it.

Grisson's avatar

It’s just a conspiracy by the Candy Lobby.
Just like the change of Daylight Savings Time was.

cyndyh's avatar

How did Daylight Savings Time help the Candy Lobby? LOL!

Sorry. I just have images of someone dressed like Willy Wonka lurking outside some Senator’s door trying to lure people out into the hall with Gobstoppers. :^>

How do you know it’s not the work of the International Flower Cabala? LOL!

Grisson's avatar

@cyndyh The delay of Daylight Savings Time reverting back to Standard Time. It used to occur in October. Now occurs after October 31. Kids stay out trick-or-treating longer: more candy consumed.
[Edit] Link

cyndyh's avatar

Oh, hilarious! I thought maybe you just misspoke with a funny result. Well, that’s what I get for letting my imagination run away with me. Cheers!

laureth's avatar

Hey single people. No need to consent to feel like crap, no need to believe that V-Day is just for couples. Have yourself a steak or a soak in a bubblebath and pop open a good wine. Whatever you do for yourself, you’re (hopefully) doing for someone you love.

It’s not just for couples if you don’t believe that to be true.

Sloane2024's avatar

For my SO and I, Valentine’s Day is an excuse to simply see each other. Because he is Indian, his family is extremely strict about how often they let him see me, even though we’ve been dating for a year and 2 months. We’re in quite a long distance relationship, so it’s not like I can run up the street to where he attends college and grab some coffee with him. V-day is a titled, advertised, legitimate holiday that gives us a valid excuse for putting schoolwork on the back-burner, risking it with his folks, and buying a plane ticket. We make it special for our sake, not because we feel obligated.

nebule's avatar

just to take stock i think… i know it’s all a load of tosh… but it’s better than a…“let’s hate people” day… or “Devil’s” Day…or a “I’m going to be a mean old Trollop Day”

Loving can only be a good thing surely… and you don’t have to buy into it i don’t think….i mean literally btw… you can do stuff that doesn’t cost anything x

bythebay's avatar

@lynneblundell: pre-valentines lurve to you for being so darn cute!

nebule's avatar

@bythebay thank you xx blush blush xx

bythebay's avatar

@lynneblundell: ...you can teach your son to be a hopeless romantic!

nebule's avatar

i certainly will x

monocle's avatar

I know what you mean. I don’t need a set day in a year to show my boyfriend that I care about him. It all seems rather silly, to feel obligated to plan or buy something just because of what day it is.

@Jack79 Probably.

abrooke's avatar

the main reason is when you have someone you care about its a day to appreciate them. It’s all about you and them and the rest of the world is tuned out….Now if your single your shit outta luck and lonely, but maybe some time with your other single friends will make a difference!

plethora's avatar

Actually I enjoy being romantic with my S/O 364 days a year, but I absolutely hate the day when I MUST be romantic in a special kind of Hallmark fucking way. Plus I hate chocolate candy and is there a bigger chocolate selling day in the entire year? Actually, to me, Valentines Day is not romantic in the least. It’s simply a friggin performance.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I think there is (in America at least) a social feeling of not making a big deal out of your love and celebrating Valentine’s Day gives people a chance to let themselves be the romantic, take a chance at acting out a bit more boldly than otherwise. Couple like to think they’re so secure and mature but some things are fun. Staring into the twinkling eyes of a lover is fun, planting kisses all over their face is fun though you probably wouldn’t do it every other day of the year. I suppose it’s a way of stopping the world around us for a short spell and letting ourselves just enjoy ourselves, breaking free from all else that becomes bigger than just “being together”.

plethora's avatar

@monocle EXACTLY…...thank you…:)

plethora's avatar

I just have to sound off on this Valentines Day thing again. If you have the slightest doubt that it should be called Hallmark Day, you should have been at the grocery store with me awhile ago. I stopped to browse the cards (since this has been SOOOO much on my mind) only to find that not only should I send a gushy card to my sweetheart, which is fine, but I could also send one to my grown daughter gushing about how much I love her. Excuse me…..I thought Valentines Day was about romantic love. (Not for Hallmark). This seems just a bit incestuous to me to even think of sending such a card to my daughter.

BUT wait….that’s not all. I should also (again, according to Hallmark) send a gushy card to my grown son. Now we’re moving into homosexuality. Incest and homosexuality all in the same little family.

Girls, Hallmark et al is doing you no favors. I despise having it crammed down my throat, especially when it gets weird….and I am guessing you will find the majority of men resistant to it as well.

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